I (26F) went out to dinner with my husband (27M) and his extended family to celebrate my father in law’s 60th birthday.
There were 11 of us total, including our 1-year-old daughter, two of our nieces (a 3 year old and a 5 month old), my MIL and FIL, my two sisters in law, one of their boyfriends, and of course, my husband and I.
Dinner was nice. Loud, chaotic, but that’s expected with three little ones under the age of four. We were at a family-friendly restaurant, and I was feeding my daughter bits of my meal to keep her occupied and happy. She did her usual thing ate a little, flung a little. Some food hit the floor, nothing crazy, just small bits here and there.
It was getting close to her bedtime, and my husband and I were planning to leave a little early. As I was grabbing our things and getting ready to go, I bent down to pick up the food scraps she had dropped under her high chair. I usually try to clean up after her in public it takes a minute, and I feel like it’s just respectful to the staff.
That’s when my MIL, who was sitting next to our daughter, looked at me like I’d just committed a crime.
She shook her head and said, “The workers will clean that up. They have a broom for this kind of thing.”
I smiled and said, “I know, but I don’t think it’s their job to clean up after my kid’s mess. It only takes a second.”
She didn’t respond just kind of scoffed and shifted her chair to let me finish cleaning. I didn’t make a scene and we said our goodbyes and left without anything more being said.
But I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
It’s not that I think restaurant staff don’t clean up after kids I get that it’s part of the job. But I also think there’s a difference between normal cleanup and being the person who leaves a rice explosion under the high chair because “someone else will handle it.”
My MIL seemed genuinely baffled that I’d even try to clean up after my daughter. Like it was some sort of insult to the waitstaff if I didn’t leave it all for them?
It’s not a huge deal, and it’s not like I was scrubbing the floor. But now I’m wondering was I being weird? Or maybe too uptight?
Would love to know if other parents do this or if I’m overthinking a few scattered peas and some bread crust.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I (26F) went out to dinner with my husband (27M) and his extended family to celebrate my father in law’s 60th birthday.
There were 11 of us total, including our 1-year-old daughter, two of our nieces (a 3 year old and a 5 month old), my MIL and FIL, my two sisters in law, one of their boyfriends, and of course, my husband and I.
Dinner was nice. Loud, chaotic, but that’s expected with three little ones under the age of four. We were at a family-friendly restaurant, and I was feeding my daughter bits of my meal to keep her occupied and happy. She did her usual thing ate a little, flung a little. Some food hit the floor, nothing crazy, just small bits here and there.
It was getting close to her bedtime, and my husband and I were planning to leave a little early. As I was grabbing our things and getting ready to go, I bent down to pick up the food scraps she had dropped under her high chair. I usually try to clean up after her in public it takes a minute, and I feel like it’s just respectful to the staff.
That’s when my MIL, who was sitting next to our daughter, looked at me like I’d just committed a crime.
She shook her head and said, “The workers will clean that up. They have a broom for this kind of thing.”
I smiled and said, “I know, but I don’t think it’s their job to clean up after my kid’s mess. It only takes a second.”
She didn’t respond just kind of scoffed and shifted her chair to let me finish cleaning. I didn’t make a scene and we said our goodbyes and left without anything more being said.
But I’ve been thinking about it ever since.
It’s not that I think restaurant staff don’t clean up after kids I get that it’s part of the job. But I also think there’s a difference between normal cleanup and being the person who leaves a rice explosion under the high chair because “someone else will handle it.”
My MIL seemed genuinely baffled that I’d even try to clean up after my daughter. Like it was some sort of insult to the waitstaff if I didn’t leave it all for them?
It’s not a huge deal, and it’s not like I was scrubbing the floor. But now I’m wondering was I being weird? Or maybe too uptight?
Would love to know if other parents do this or if I’m overthinking a few scattered peas and some bread crust.
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Thank you, from every server out there, for your thoughtfulness. You may think it’s no big deal, but your effort is very much noticed
You were being thoughtful. Your MIL is entitled. Full stop.
You were not being weird! You were being considerate. When I worked and had to clean up after people left, especially with kids, I was appreciative of those who took the time to at least try to clean up a bit before leaving. Yes it’s part of my job, but I was still appreciative of the effort. If anything, your MIL was weird for reacting so offended about something that doesn’t involve her at all.
As a former restaurant server, manager and owner, I think what you did was wonderful. Showing respect for others and self awareness are admirable traits. Your daughter is not too young to benefit from these life lessons. What a wonderful job you are doing as a human and a parent! Kudos to you, may you raise exceptional humans!
I wouldn’t stress about it too much. I don’t think it’s a big deal to help scoop the mess up with a napkin real quick. As someone who worked in the food industry cleaning under high chairs was always really frustrated and I never understood why parents couldn’t keep their kids food on their plates (I was 16 lol). I think that’s a sweet sentiment and shows your respect for the food industry workers. Your MIL might take it as an insult seeing that her two children don’t pick up after their grandchildren. Maybe she sees you as being high and mighty? I always feel like MILs are secretly hateful and miserable/jealous of their son’s wives because they see themselves being replaced. She’s probably just being mean to you to establish dominance. Kind of a silly take but I wouldn’t really care what she thinks if I was in your shoes.
The only time you don’t clean up after you kid is if you start to clean up and the staff say hey don’t worry I’ll do that.
As a server, bartender, thank you for being considerate.
Even though it is the restaurants job to reset the tables after each service, on busy nights the bussers can easily miss spots and when the next table comes in and there’s large chunks of stuff, it instantly effects tips, and guest enjoyment.
And just because its the restaurants job to reset, doesn’t mean we want excessive amounts of toddler stuff all over, or have time to deal with what a child leaves behind.
No one expects a parent to clean every scrap the kid makes, but just a tiny bit of quick pick up really is appreciated and nice.
When my kids were young and sloppy in public I always picked up after them. That’s just common courtesy.
My toddler dropped chips on the floor. I got on the floor and started cleaning. The waitress tapped me on the shoulder and said they had people to do it.
I felt better and tipped well.
I always did this, too, and our child learned good manners from an early age. Good for you. Good parenting and good member of society.
I have done this at restaurants with both my kids. Is it their job? Sure. Should they have to clean up after a messy 2 year old that isn’t theirs? I personally don’t think so.
If it was food that was harder to clean, I would even tip extra. I just always thought I was being considerate. I dont want to be the worst part of their shift.
I always do it. Did it at dinner today actually. Sure they have a broom, sure it’s their job. However, it’s my kids, they are my job too. I don’t need to make a busy busser take longer on our table clearing.
Next time tell her your mother raised you right and to leave a place better than you found it.
As someone who worked at an Olive Garden, thank you.
My ex-husband and FIL would leave their trash behind at sporting events/movies and say people were paid to clean up 🙄 I would clean up after them because I’m not an asshole.
NTA. As an ex server, mother with a husband that works in tbe restaurant industry; i did the exact same thing. Ive even tought the kids how to behave in restraunts as they aged. This isnt weird or bad. Your MIL made it weird.
I did this too. NZTA
Your MIL is a POS.
It’s one thing to not pick stuff up. It’s another to criticize someone else for being courteous.
My kids are now nine and 10 so they don’t make that kind of a mess anymore, but I always would pick up after the disaster and I always try to neatly stack everything at the end of the meal and straighten things up and make it easier and not leave like straw, wrappers, and cups and crazy crap like that. There’s nothing wrong with trying to do something to lighten their load, especially when it’s our kids who’ve made the mess.
It’s definitely NOT weird. I’ve gotten the same odd looks when I’ve cleaned up after my kids. I even wipe the table and high chair down. It’s not the staff’s responsibility to clean up after my child, even if it is “their job.” I think it’s rude to leave a huge mess. They have enough to deal with for crappy pay, like your MIL lol
When my kids were young, I always
Cleaned up after them. When we would visit other homes with kids
Group clean up. What ass
Remember that scene in Mad Men in which they have a picnic, then shake the picnic blanket off when they’re done?
Your mother in law sucks. I’m glad you’ll be teaching your daughter to be a good person ❤️. I hope your husband backs you up and calls her out on being so trashy tbh.
You’re a good mother and thoughtful, just let it go.
Thank you for being so kind. I once worked in a family owned restaurant (my early twenties, twenty some years ago) and the after church crowd was massive. Between syrup on walls, to hash browns and eggs being mashed into the carpet, crayon bits flung everywhere (sorry I could go on and on) from full families with kids. It. Was. An. Absolute. Nightmare! And we had to stay after shift to clean it all. So from this former server, thank you!
I used to do that also A few times the waiter told me I didn’t have so I tipped him more then normal
Your not weird when my son was small I did the same as you. I also like to neatly stack my stuff after as well though to make it easier for them. I have heard some servers don’t like that though. Apparently it messes up how they like to carry stuff. I still do it because it just feels polite to me.
My wife and I practically bus our own tables when we go out so you’re not all that crazy to us. 🙂 It does grind out gears that people will leave huge messes when they go out to eat when they’d never do that at home.
Not for nothing, the same people who make comments like that (for what it’s worth, I can’t count how many times I’ve been on my knees on a restaurant cleaning up after my kids) are the ones who only tip 15%.
Ive hunted down wait staff to slip them cash because I knew my cheap ass in laws would tip 15% on an 11 person group with several babies.
Good on you OP
I always cleaned up after my child the same way you do and I cannot tell you how many times waitstaff would come up to thank me and genuinely appreciated me doing that. Which to me is wild I would think that’s a natural thing to do but it turns out it is not.
I always clean up after my kids at restaurants! That said, at this age you should try to involve your daughter in the cleanup since it’s her mess.
I’m not the right person to ask. We went into a restaurant bathroom today when it had just been mopped. My daughter and I both noticed our shoes had glued the wet floor muddy. I got paper towels and cleaned up the mud and dried the floor while my daughter was in the stall.
Sound like your MiL is someone who would leave her empty popcorn bucket at her seat in the cinema instead of dropping in the bin on the way out because others will clean. Much better to teach your child to be a considerate person
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I worked in restaurants all through college, and I love you! 💖
I often bussed tables and cleaning up after messy customers was often the worst part of my job, especially when they were little. Having to pick up bits of slobbery food was disgusting, and I hated it every time.
You are not weird. 20 years ago when my kids were little, my husband took the kids to the car while I cleaned up any mess. 3 kids in 3.5 years often equaled a mess. And then we tipped extra on top of cleaning up. Because we are decent humans. And now my adult kids do the same thing.
When my kids were little we spent more going out because our tip reflected how nice they were to the kids and how much cleaning up they had to do. The kids were messy, but cute and sweet and got servers to interact with them, so we usually left huge tips.
You’re great, we did the same thing with our little one. Whatever he chucked on the floor we picked it up, wasn’t fair to the wait staff.
That being said my wife and I are both ex service industry so we generally have our entire table cleaned up for our server and still tip %20. lol. THANK YOU SERVICE INDUSTRY FOLKS. 👊
I make sure to do this every time we out because I could not imagine someone else having to pick up my toddler’s half chewed on piece of meat or rice/beans that were spit out. I’ve only ever had staff stop me once and insist it was fine and they would pick it up. To me, it’s kind of like people throwing something on the floor at the movies or in a store and thinking it’s fine because it’s someone’s job to pick it up. Just takes a minute of basic decency & teaches your child that their (unreasonable) mess is not someone else’s responsibility.
I see MIL and I get PTSD.
Whenever my MIL says something snarky or being rude, I simply beam with “That sounds great / awesome!” or “Wow, that’s crazy / no good!”.
I don’t really listen, just use one of the phrases. Sometimes it’s the wrong one and I just say “Whoops! Better luck next time”.
I’m already half way to the door as I’m saying it.
“Bye!”
If I somehow make a mess at a restaurant, I’ll pick up as much as I can. I don’t want to look like a slob. I always appreciated when parents cleaned up the mess their children made. Nothing wrong with doing that. It’s being very considerate.
Yes, I do this every time I eat out with my kids. I think it’s just the respectful thing to do. Also it teaches my kids not to leave their messes for someone else.
As a former waitress and mother of 4 littles, keep doing you! I’ve waited on the people that think they can make any mess they want just because I had to clean it. From over filled bowls of ice cream melted to food fights between teens to toddlers learning to eat. Thank you for not feeling like your child is my (wait staff) responsibility.
I’m not a server, just a fellow human that wants to say I don’t think that is weird at all. You make a mess, you clean it up. Didn’t the boomers teach us that? And now they act surprised when we do it? lol I had to check which sub I was in
You were being a decent human being. In addition, you are also setting a good example for your child. Start as you mean to finish. Your child will not remember this specific event, but will remember the tradition of thoughtful and considerate behavior.
I have always done this with our kids in restaurants. Is this not normal?
I bet MIL tips real good. /s
Absolutely NTA. It would be rude to assume anyone else would pick up your child’s mess. You did the serving staff a courtesy, don’t let your MIL make you feel bad. In fact, this says more about your MIL and how unthoughtful she was as a parent than you are. Good job, mama.
I always cleaned up after my kids. It’s respectful. It teaches them to be kind and respectful to others as well. As a family, we stack the dishes. Consolidate to make it easier for the server/busser, etc. Manners are important.
I do this too, I don’t want my family to be the reason a server says “oh great, here we go” when another family walks in
I always cleaned up my kids mess.
Even if what you did was weird (it wasn’t) or you had committed some kind of faux pas (you didn’t), not every thought needs to be verbalized. I think she’s way weirder for even noticing, let alone commenting on it. Like who is this hurting?
My twins are almost 8 years old and when we eat out, I still always try to pick after up the what’s on/around the table (sometimes they still eat like Cookie Monster 🥴) as best as I can before we leave.
I have had this exact interaction with my MIL before. It is so frustrating, and I think it really sheds a light on their perspective of the world.
I’ve had servers thank me but tell me they will take care of it, which I always appreciate. I have always been sincerely thanked for cleaning up after my kids. I really think the gesture is more important than anything.
I do the same thing! your MIL…she sounds like a bougie b***. I also usually pile all our plates at the end of the table. And yes I still tip- incase anyone comes at me for that! 🙂
Next time you go over to your inlaws and she makes a mess at the table tell your MIL that you’ll leave it for someone else to clean it up. LOL You were being a considerate mom. And I’m sure the staff appreciated that.
I always cleaned the mess my kid made and more often than not, the staff thanked me, even if they told me I didn’t need to. It takes a minute or two and is just basic courtesy. Your MIL sounds like mine; not the nicest woman by a long shot.
15 years in the industry and the only customers i hated more than the Sunday crowd were the shit parents who wouldn’t clean up after their kid(s).
You are fabulous and every server’s dream customer. On the other hand is your mil…..we’ll, I’ll be nice. She isn’t.
We always cleaned up after our kids. I’m always shocked by people who don’t.
Your MIL is an entitled, nasty person. Why in the world would she care? You didn’t ask her to help (which would’ve caused her to have a heart attack, I’m sure). She probably refers to service people as “those people”. You didn’t ask nothing wrong. Nothing.
One of the most important ways to determine a person’s character is to watch how they treat people who would be considered below them on the social/professional scale and/or have nothing to offer in the way of helping someone get ahead.
People who give respect and dignity to humans simply because they’re human are good people. People who assume they don’t need to be respectful because someone is in a service capacity are not good people.
You’re also just modeling good behavior to your child. When we make a mess we clean up.
Similar family situation happened to me. It was a big family gathering with extended family. Majority of my cousins are 20+ but my grandfathers bio grandkids (only related my marriage) aged 10-14 left a whole heap of paper and shit on the floor. Me and one of my cousins just mentioned it (we both work in hospitality) and old mate loses his shit, yells at me for even implying we should clean it up. Tried to tell him yeah it’s their job to clean up but doesn’t mean leaving a whole heap of crap on the floor (which they brought themselves, not a part of the restaurant) is respectful. Was an eye opener.
I hope you and your husband were the ones leaving the tip. If it was your MIL, she probably left a pittance from which she deducted the cost of your labors.
My husband and I clean up after at restaurants too. I have served and bussed tables, so I try not to burden the workers. I also push my buggy back at the grocery store. Even with kids. I personally don’t think it’s strange, it’s just being considerate of others.
She’s of the generation that says, “they’re being paid to clean up” and thinks a $5 tip for several people is generous 🙄. I’d never dream of not cleaning up little kid debris.
I did the same thing with both my kids. And overtipped. You’re right on this one for sure.
You are what servers hope to get in a party as guests.
Whenever my husband and I took our kids out to eat when they were little we cleaned up everything. Now that they’re older (23, 21 & 15) they all will start cleaning the table when we’re done. Sometimes, when we are out with other family members, they look at us a little odd, but my oldest daughter basically shames them into following suit. She can be a little bossy. lol. Those workers are people too just trying to get through a probably hard long day. The least we can do is make it a little easier for them by not leaving the table and surrounding area looking like a war zone.
Not weird! I had disposable place mats that stick to the table. We’d pile our child’s mess onto the placemat then wrap it up so it was a contained mess. Bussers & servers thought it was amazing.
I did exactly the same thing when my kids were younger. Little kids can be messy, and yes, people get paid to clean up tables in a restaurant, but it doesn’t mean you leave it a shit tip for them. I’m guessing your MIL has never worked in food service before, because she wouldn’t make a comment like that if she was the one who had to clean up after people.
That’s a blessing. When I worked at a place with Kids Eat Free it was a nightmare. Some parents would let their kids literally run around with grubby hands. I would be wiping tables that had literally yoghurt and mac and cheese smeared everywhere, floor covered, wet sloppy napkins. I had to wear gloves. As a server, yes we will do but we will also despise every second.
We go to the same restaurant almost every Friday. Lowkey Italian/pizza spot. Every week the staff would tell me not to clean up after my kids and I still do. They have since stopped telling me. It is not someone else’s job to clean up after the food throwing contest my baby has with himself. You’re a wonderful mom and your MIL sounds like a lazy entitled b.
Nope. I usually do this if it’s big enough to pick up. Keep doing you!
I do this for my kid bc I’ve worked in the service industry since I was 15. I know the staff will appreciate it. My daughter is 2 now and I have her help me clean her mess bc.. she should learn too. We sing the clean up song and encourage her to throw away trash. She now picks up trash in public and will ask where she can throw it away. Sometimes it’s gross but mostly it makes me happy she’s learning we don’t leave messes where we go.
Keep doing you. Kids do as they see, not as they’re told.
You were being thoughtful. I usually try to clean up the worst of my kiddos mess. Often the staff will tell me not to worry but I will still try to not leave a disaster.
It’s the stupid bloody status game, Rich B mindset.
I bet your MIL also leaves things in random places in the grocery store too bc “the worker will put it away bc that’s what they’re paid to do” 🙄
I do this after myself if I drop something at a restaurant. Bet your sweet ass I’m going to after my kid too!
I always cleaned after my kids. And I have to say, the first time I saw my son pick up after his son, I was as proud as I’ve ever been.
It’s not even as much about picking up a dropped napkin or French fry as it is about respect. For yourself and your server. Set an example.
I always try to clean up after my kids when they were/are younger (youngest now is 1 yr). I know it makes their job easier and makes them feel less like Cinderella.
When I worked at a gas station, I had a 6 or 7 yr old girl trying to fill her own fountain cup because Mom was busy berating the sandwich shop a few feet over. The girl accidentally knocked the cup over trying to put the lid on, soda went everywhere. She quickly tried to clean it up with napkins but mom put a stop to it by grabbing her wrist, pushing the soggy napkins to the floor and sneering “what are you doing?! That’s what she’s for!” And looked at me. I roll my eyes and walk over with some rags and look mom dead in the face and say “Nope, you’re wrong. My job description says nothing about cleaning up after your child. So here are the rags. Sanitizer bucket is there, sink is there. I have other customers to attend too.” And went back to work. She stood there stunned before cleaning up the mess and walking out without any drinks.
You’re doing it right.
I was out at a big family/friends dinner a few months ago, and one of the kids made a giant mess, and the parents just left it there. I was mortified. I made sure to leave last so I could slip the waitress a little extra tip and basically tell her I’m sorry that we left such a mess. I will never go out with them again, that was so trashy.
I do this all the time I also gather the plates and set them near the end of the table just so it’s easier on them.
Maybe it’s because I’ve worked in customer service before. I sometimes get strange look and my friend thinks I’m weird for it but she never stops me or says anything
You are a decent human being. Because I also try to be one that is where I’ll leave it.
My mom hated that I would organize all the dirty dishes on a table when eating out because ‘that’s their job’.
After I continuously did that as a kid/teen, she now does it herself. Now she says she never got upset with me for it, even tho she totally did lol. Made a scene once because of it
In college I went to the movies with some friends. And I was shocked they grabbed their popcorn bags and drinks to throw away after the movie. And my friend was just as shocked as me leaving my trash there. That was just how I was brought up and didn’t know any difference. And I was never even aware anyone grabbed their trash to throw away after the movie. It was never brought to my attention until my friend pointed it out. And I was like oh shit. And I felt embarrassed because like I should have known better but I just didn’t. At first I was in denial like it wasn’t that bad of a thing to leave my trash because they have employees with trash bags picking it all up afterwards anyway.
So maybe your MIL is shocked and embarrassed that she never considered cleaning up after herself in a restaurant if she made a bigger than normal mess. I mean I was only 20 when I learned that and I thought that was shocking. So maybe the look your MIL gave you is really her now realizing that she is able to show respect to the workers by not leaving a big mess for them to clean up.
I’ve done it both ways. Cleaned up the mess or left it and left a big tip.
I cleaned up after my children when they were babies and now that they are older I have taught them to all help clean up. We wipe up our crumbs, contain our paper trash (or throw it away ourselves, as appropriate) and pick up any larger pieces that may have made their way to the floor. I consider this pretty basic thoughtfulness but you would be shocked at the number of people who stop me to tell me how rare but uplifting it is to see me teach my children to tidy like that. For me it’s just consistent; we teach them to clean up after themselves at home as well, and when we go out, to be gracious stewards of their environment.
I pick up after my daughter at restaurants. If I don’t, I leave a big tip.
I did the same when my kids were messy toddlers. Screw your MIL. You did good.
I might be weird, but I do the same thing. Even when it’s me and my fiancee, I always tidy up our area before we leave. I just don’t feel right leaving someone else a mess. I did it when my kids were little too. To each their own I guess.
You did the right thing.
What a rude woman.
I always take a small broom and dustpan that fit in the diaper bag when we go out. My husband and I have both worked in restaurants and it just feels polite to do. I don’t scrub but I don’t like leaving a mess! Not weird at all. People who expect others to clean up after them are just so entitled in my opinion.
When my kids were little I always brought garbage bags and put them under the highchair and bagged up mess. It’s thoughtful not weird.
I always cleaned up after my girls and now my grandson. My daughter does the same when she’s with us. It’s respect! Servers aren’t paid enough to have to clean up extra messes when the parent can take an extra minute to do it! I’m appalled seeing some of the horrific messes parents have left and not even attempted to pick up when they’ve fed their children in a restaurant. I could never!
As a former waitress, this is always appreciated even if it is just a few pieces that are picked up. While yes, it is a part of the job, it still sucks to have to clean up a big mess when someone kid does that and then the parents just leave it for others to clean up.
You have no idea how gross that floor is. You’re gonna then touch your baby and maybe get sick? Let the worker use their broom and rolling, silent vacuum. Probs gonna be a robot doing it soon anyway
When my son was a toddler we went out to eat at an Italian restaurant with another couple and their same-aged daughter. I was shocked at how much food she dropped or threw on the floor! We’re talking lettuce, bread and pasta! It was so gross. I was even more shocked when Mom and dad packed themselves and kid up to leave. I felt horrible for our server so I dropped more tip and apologized to our server. It was disgusting and they should have at least used a paper napkin to pick up the larger pieces!
I used to scrape together the mess my son made at the table too. When we go to hotels I tidy up begore leaving. There’s no reason to make people’s job more difficult than it’s already is. Her scoffing at you is ridiculous.
You are a good person. Now you know what kind of person your MIL is.
I was taught that showing kindness and consideration to everyone, not just those that you want to impress, is the right thing to do.
I have the same thoughts about the teens who clean up movie theaters. People make a huge mess and leave their trash behind after a movie. They shouldn’t have to clean up after able-bodied people. IMO
Your MIL is out to lunch. I think you absolutely did what is normal and right in the situation.
As an ex wait, if you did this for me, I would have given you my tip! You MIL can bite a big one
We generally try to leave places as good or better than we found them.
I always pick up after my son. Today at a sandwich shop that was slammed for lunch I fed my 11 month old and he mostly threw it all or spit it out. I got napkins and basically swept the floor with them. They were so busy and had people standing around waiting for a table so there was no way I was going to leave that mess.
I think your MIL is just being a boomer
I treat it as: there’s a difference between a maid and a house cleaner. I don’t expect my house clean to pick up my sh*t, like I don’t expect my server to clean up after me
You phrased that wrong. You should have said, “I think it’s rude as fuck when entitled people let their kids make a mess and leave it for others to clean up.”
Kudos to you for cleaning up even a little after your child. Your MIL probably leaves buggies in the parking lot and not in the buggie corral.
Isn’t it weird that they can subtly expose themselves and make you think you’re the problem?
I pick up my kids mess. It’s a restaurant not one of those rage rooms.
YOUR RESPONSE SHOULD BE
‘ Yes but I think it’s trashy to let your kids make a mess of an establishment and not attempt to clean it, I certainly would judge someone else if I saw that happening’ followed by a long stare at MIL
Me and my partner always clean up our toddlers mess from the floor. We carry a pack of wipes for just this purpose, coz toddlers are messy and no one should be subjected to cleaning their mess.
You were being kind and considerate. And the people who work in the restaurant thank you.
Your mother-in-law is an inconsiderate jerk. Think of it this way…
You are paying to be served a meal. You are not paying for a playground experience… Unless you’re at Chuck E. Cheese or something like that, of course.
That server is not there to be your maid or your servant. That server is there to take your order and bring you food and drink.
Yes, they have a broom for the end of the night because they do know things will be dropped on the floor by people. That’s normal.
Food thrown on the floor is not an accidental dropping. Food thrown on the floor by children needs to be picked up by the parents. Obviously, things that break apart like breadcrumbs… Fine. Pick up the big pieces.
But no, they’re not there to pull out of room after every entitled parent who wants to let their child throw shit on the floor and not pick it up.
You are paying for service. But you are guests in the restaurant. Because they don’t have to accept your business. They don’t have to give you service. They can refuse your service for any reason.
So while you are paying, you are still a guest. Can you imagine if you went to a dinner party at someone’s house and your child threw food all over the floor and you just left it?
And your excuse was that you were paying for the evening because you brought wine and dessert. So you put your money in, so the hostess can clean up… Because you know, they have a broom.
Manners are manners, no matter where you’re at. Your MIL obviously never learned that.
As a server, this is what we wish every parent would do. I’ve cleaned up some unacceptable messes left by families. So from every restaurant worker worldwide, thank you.
You have just Won the HEART of everyone that’s Ever been a Server 💖 You showed you kindness for people who do a hard job and MIL can Kick Rocks! Thank You!
Your MIL is someone who looks a service industry employees as “The Help” and that they exist to serve and clean up after her. Period.
I used to work in restaurants and while I didn’t mind wiping average adult mess from the table, cleaning flung and smashed bits of food from on and around a high chair was a pain in the butt. Thank you for cleaning up after your child!
I always try and make it easier for the server. My sister does that as well. It’s being considerate towards others. But some do not care and avoid doing anything beyond what’s necessary. But to be snooty to you about your consideration shows her character. I’d just move on noting the incident for future events.
I had a kid offer me a soggy chicken nugget once and i just let them feed it to me cause it didnt particularly bother me. Her dad was MORTIFIED. They were my cousins though, and it wasnt that soggy, she’d just chewed on it a bit. Now THATS when you get looks like this. I’m just autistic and didn’t think about it.
You were being a wonderful customer. Thank you for being considerate and kind. As a fast food worker I love customers like you.
I did this when my kids were little. They ate like rabid squirrels and shit went everywhere. I always cleaned up as best I could and left it folded in a napkin in the high chair seat or on a dirty plate. I felt terrible leaving a mess for someone else – it’s just basic good manners, IMO. You did nothing wrong here. I think it’s smart to show our kids we are respectful in public and in other people’s spaces. I would have done the same thing. Perhaps your mother-in-law is limited in that capacity but lucky for your kids you are not. ✌️💙
You’re too uptight in that you let one person throw you off. Who cares what MIL thinks.. that is one person’s opinion
Thoughtful & considerate & a great example for any kids around. It’s one thing to clean a normal table at a restaurant but it’s not really in the job description to clean up what baby has flung about. Thank you for being a decent human being.
It seems to be a generational thing, the oldies don’t seem to think they need to do things people are paid to do. Not all obliviously but I tend to hear them complain about this kinda thing and self check outs and such.
Not the done thing in their time.
As a former brunch server there is nothing more annoying than trying to sweep up small bits of scrambled egg with a broom. It got to the point that I would just squat and use a napkin and pick up the bits one by one. She’s weird. You’re great. Keep it up. The staff appreciates the small effort that goes a long way in switching that table over for a new round of guests.
Your MIL never cleaned up after her kids. And was thinking about herself having been in the wrong all those times.
Servers and other wait staff deeply appreciate people like you, and loath those like your MIL. Next time you are at her house with kido, see what her reaction is when you say, this is your house, you probably have a broom to take care of things like this, and leave her with a messy floor. Some people can’t learn without personally experiencing it.
I tried to clean up after my kids but occasionally it was more than I could manage when I had three little ones. Restaurants are not designed for toddlers. I think it is important to make an effort or at least have the intention not to create extra work.
I have faith in humanity again. All of you people are great for acknowledging that the waitstaff are people and kids do extra mess at restaurants. As a mom of 2, a former server, and a daughter of a hotel housekeeper, I’ve learned early that people are people are people. No matter the financial class, people want to be respected and acknowledged.
You weren’t being weird, you were being polite. Decent.
I’ll bet that when she goes to the grocery store and loads her car up with the groceries, she drives away and leaves the shopping cart sitting there.
I picked up big pieces. Small things, like rice, it was super hard. We’ve apologized profusely the few times it was a lot of bits, and left a generous tip.
To be fair though, they didn’t leave too much of a mess 99% of the time. Because we quit feeding them if they threw things on the floor (at restaurants, home was another ball game) for a little bit. After they got cranky we’d try again. If they still threw it we’d just tell them “nope, you’re making a mess. You can eat more when we get home.” Very much like “I know you’re done, but we’re visiting. Here, try coloring (or something).” We went out to eat after church every Sunday, and we’d take them home if they threw a fit. They honestly behaved better in their car seat watching us talk and things as babies than as toddlers. Oldest got taken home a couple three or four times, middle maybe once, and youngest maybe once. So they learned early how to behave, and chose after the one FAFO to not quite cross the line from whiney to fit. (Our oldest was quite stubborn AND didn’t have any older sibs to copy.)
Just …thank you. I am a grandmother and I so appreciate it when my kids and their spouses do this. As someone who waited tables one year during university I’ve never forgotten a big birthday party of parents with toddlers and the insane mess they left. Over 4 decades ago LOL.
And this was not a resturant themed for children’s parties. The floors were a wreck, they used 9 individual tables and left me a DOLLAR. I worked an entire birthday party for about $4.
I always clean up the floor in a restaurant after my toddler. Because I’ve worked in restaurants and it sucked to have the table with the messy kids throwing shit everywhere and I refuse to be that parent to any server or busser. Your MIL is the uptight one.
I would have been in love with you. I’ve literally had a kid throw up on the table and the parents leave it for me (no tip) to deal with. Changing diapers on the table next to your food and leaving the dirty diaper and wipes. But the vomit was too much. I told my boss and dipped. Parents that clean up after they’re kids are the best
I always clean up after small children with me, too. My cousin was married to an entitled woman, like your MIL. She would let their children destroy a table and leave it for the staff to clean up. That’s why we stopped meeting them to eat. It was embarrassing!
But karma came. Once kids were older, they divorced. And she had to get her first job ever, as she was going back to college. And guess what the job was? A server.
Even after the divorce, she has always still been included in family events. And you would not believe the moaning and groaning about, not just working, but having to clean up after spoiled children. And how their parents let them act that way and do nothing to clean it up. Oh the irony!
Are you married to one of my brothers? Sounds like my mom.
When one of my daughters was under the age of two, we were at a Mexican restaurant and she had been chowing down on tortilla chips. By the time we were ready to leave she had created quite a mess under her high chair. When we realized my husband immediately stood up and asked a server for a broom to clean it up. Absolutely no way would we have left it for the staff to deal with, whether it’s part of their job description or not. We also clean up our table at the end of meals and stack the dishes/put the trash in a pile.
Your MIL is entitled and rude.
As a lifer on the FOH of food service I absolutely LOATHE when parents leave a giant mess for us to clean up. Yes we remember you. Also the ones that do the courtesy of starting to clean up we are there quickly to let you know that we will take care of it for you, go enjoy your little ones. We remember your faces too ☺️
It’s the difference between thinking of the staff as people and thinking of them as servants.
I did this too. I worked in a restaurant and my late husband would bring our daughter in for fries and a drink during slack time. She loved to watch me work. When they were done and left, I’d go for the broom. Boss told me it wasn’t my job because she hadn’t sat at my station. I winked at my colleague whose station it was and told him she was my kid and it was up to me to clean her messes. After that she was always in my station lol.
As someone that works in the industry, we appreciate it.
I always cleaned up when my daughter was small.
You did the right thing. Back when I waited tables, we hated when customers would let their kids completely destroy the table and leave the mess. There’s a huge difference between having to spot sweep and wipe up for the next guest and completely having to move furniture to clean up the disaster under the table.
My son is almost 4 and I’ve done the same thing since he was little. I’ve had the wait staff tell me that they will clean it up, but I always say that it’s not their job to clean up after my son.
I know that it’s their job to sweep and clean but there’s a difference between the normal messes/spills and my toddler making a mess.
By doing this, we are teaching our children to be respectful, and to not expect people to clean up our messes.
Being weird for being conciencious? We need more weird parents like you.
I have a small dust pan and brush in my baby bag for this reason 🤣 the staff have enough to do without cleaning up after my son, takes me a minute, the staff have thanked me for it but the looks I get from others 🙄
As someone who worked for over a decade at a family friendly restaurant, I sincerely thank you.
I used to do that, and when the kids were old enough I would have them help. It’s just a courteous thing to do!
You did things the right way. Your MIL is wrong.
I always cleaned up after my kids. In fact, we tend to combine our trash, stack our plates, etc. We do this from nicer restaurants all the way down to fast food. Well, in fast food, we dump our trays and put them back. What I meant was when my kids or my grandkids were little, I would get a broom at McDonald’s and sweep up around the high chair. Yes, the staff will do it, but that doesn’t mean we have to leave things looking like pigs ate there. Not all boomers are entitled or anything else any more than other generations are <insert generalizations or stereotype>!
As a server, the gesture is the biggest component—we all appreciate parents as thoughtful as yourself
As long as you washed your hands after, you do you
I imagine your MIL took offence because she wouldn’t clean up and now she feels like you would judge her for that. It’s the weird thing where someone has higher standards and the person with lower standards takes it as an insult or personal attack.
You did a good thing. I’ve eaten in places and seen parents leave the mess their kid makes and it’s disgusting. It always gets commented on, people can be pigs. The staff shouldn’t have to deal with that, and any self respecting person, as you were, will at least attempt to clean up the mess made by their kids. Your MIL is the worst kind of person, entitled with no manners.
My 8mo had his first meal out with us not long ago and boy does it get messy quick ! My husband and I picked it up quick though and left a lil napkin pouch on the table. It really is an out of the ordinary mess and I find it respectful to the staff to tidy up a lil.
I haven’t worked in Hospitality, but in a retail shop I worked in (very small store), customers would let their kids drop all kinds of mess and leave it for us to clean up once they left.
Thank you for being thoughtful. Truly.
I worked in a restaurant years ago. Some fuck knuckles kid had a diaper blowout in a high chair. They left a gawdawful mess, poop was everywhere, smeared all over the chair legs. Pigs
I have a toddler and newborn. My toddler and I ALWAYS* pick up after ourselves.
*unless service was beyond subpar. I still tip you 15% but I’m not picking up shit.
As a person who has worked in the industry, we LOVE people like you. It makes someone’s day when they come to clean that table and realize you’re have cleaned up your mess. There aren’t many like you and you are rare.
I used to work food service, and anytime someone cleans up after their kids/mess is immensely appreciated. I do it every time my husband and I eat out. I wipe the whole table with a damp napkin and the chairs too. It’s only polite to consider others.
You are kind and respectful of waitstaff. Your MIL looks down on them. You win this one for sure. I almost married into a family like that. We were at a table and everyone had finished eating. I stacked my plates to make it easier for the server to clear it. Future MIL literally slapped my hand and said, “The hired help does that.” I knew then I’d never marry into that family.
What you did was show respect to people whose job it is to clear tables, by clearing the parts that are baby-specific. That was a thoughtful thing to do. You are right — there’s normal clearing of tables and there’s the nightmare mess that babies can make. You were not being weird. You have manners. Your MIL has arrogance.
>It’s not that I think restaurant staff don’t clean up after kids I get that it’s part of the job. But I also think there’s a difference between normal cleanup and being the person who leaves a rice explosion under the high chair because “someone else will handle it.”
It’s pretty much this. It’s a small gesture to show you care. In the end maybe it might not make a huge practical difference, but it’s expressing that you understand other people exist. Moreover, you are modelling behaviour for your kids that “we clean up after ourselves” because for 99% of your life you don’t actually have servants there to clean up after you (well, most of us).
You will never satisfy your mother-in-law so stop trying.
You did the right thing picking up after your child. You may want to go back to that restaurant again.