I don’t really know how to start this. My mind’s just spinning and I can’t sleep. Everything feels heavy right now. I think I messed up, but also I don’t know what else I could have done.
My brother Joe has been staying with me for a few days. His marriage just collapsed. His wife Amanda moved out and took their son Jonah with her. Joe showed up at my place with a duffel bag and this completely hollow look in his eyes. I told him he could stay because I’m his brother and that’s what you do.
But the truth is, I had already been holding onto so much before he even walked in.
Jonah is seven. Really curious kid. He was obsessed with this YouTube channel where some teenager reviews keyboards. Just builds and reviews them, makes goofy jokes, stuff like that. Seemed harmless, so Joe let him watch it all the time without really checking.
Then Jonah said the R-word at school. He said the “keyboard guy” used it in a video. Amanda, who’s a teacher, was horrified. She had already asked Joe over and over again to pay more attention to what Jonah was exposed to. He always brushed her off. Said she was overreacting.
This time, she didn’t brush it off. She left. Took Jonah. That was two months ago.
So Joe has been staying with me, not really talking, just kind of floating through the day. And I’ve been trying to be there, but the truth is, I’m angry. I’ve watched him laugh off real problems for years. I’ve watched him make excuses while Amanda tried so hard to hold everything together.
One night I couldn’t hold it in anymore. So I posted on Reddit. I didn’t name names or anything, I just wrote about what happened. I needed to vent. I needed to say it somewhere or I was going to lose it.
But he found the post.
He walked into the room, holding his phone, and looked at me like I had stabbed him in the back. He didn’t yell, just said, “Really? You posted this while I was here?”
I didn’t have a good answer. I told him I was tired of pretending everything was fine. He said I betrayed him. I told him someone had to stop sugarcoating things. It got heated. He packed up and left that night.
I haven’t heard from him since.
Now I’m just sitting here wondering if I completely messed this up. People say I should have just talked to him, but how do you talk to someone who doesn’t want to hear it? Someone who doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong?
I keep going back and forth. Part of me feels guilty. Part of me feels like I finally told the truth. And then part of me just feels… empty.
I don’t even know what I’m hoping to get from this. I just needed to say it. Out loud. Somewhere.
Thanks for reading.
Comments
While having an open and honest conversation would have been better, this is also one of the ways to pass the message to him.
Dont know what was in the original post but i hope after calming down he will realize you didnt have bad intentions sharing what you feel (in the post) and will re-connect with you
It seems like a sit down discussion wouldn’t work. He isn’t hearing what you or anyone else is saying. Maybe the comments can help him get perspective and start to self realize his issues. Time and space are healing too. Reach out in a month if you haven’t heard anything still just to get signs of life.
Posting about it more is definitely gonna solve this
If you guys want, I can link my brother’s post?
One night you posted on Reddit or 9hrs ago?
I feel like a huge part of this story is missing. The wife went nuclear because their kid watched some dude on YouTube who used the “r” word and repeated it? Ok…? And somehow this was solely your brother’s job for some inexplicable reason even though he’s her kid too. None of this makes sense. Sounds like drama central.
Your brother keeps avoiding taking responsibility for things HE is messing up. Leaving because his problems were expressed online is a continuation of this. It’s on him to own up to his problems and to commit to working on it.
You can stay open to him reconnecting with you, but it is not you or his wife’s responsibility to fix him
He seems to be a runner. Rather than confront issues and try to resolve them, he splits. He couldn’t do it for his marriage and now you.
You did what you could, hopefully he grows up in time.
I think you’re very involved in your brothers marriage and you have alot of strong opinions on it. If I was your brother I would not like you meddling especially if he didn’t ask for your opinion. You don’t know their relationship as well as they do. You should’ve told him to talk to someone when he was moping around your house for 2 months instead and the way you’re posting about it like it affects you? Your brother just had his whole life blown up and you decide the best plan of action is to be like well your wife was right you are a bad dad. Like that’s gonna help? If you didn’t want him to stay with you you could’ve told him that but the rest is SO far from being any of your business. You had a choice to be a supportive sibling and you decided against it. Next time don’t be so specific when venting on reddit I guess. Or even better next time mind your business.
Your posts don’t even have consistent details about where he’s staying