i’m 18 and i feel like i’m living two different lives. with my friends and family i smile, joke, and act like everything’s fine… but when i’m alone it all kind of falls apart. i feel empty and disconnected, and it’s exhausting keeping up the act.
sometimes i wonder if anyone actually knows the real me, or if they just see the version i put on so i don’t worry them. i wish i could be honest, but i don’t want to feel like a burden.
i don’t really have anyone in my life i can open up to about this, so i guess this is me admitting it here. i just needed to let it out. if you’ve ever felt like this too, you’re not alone — and if you ever need someone to listen, i’m here.
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Is therapy an option?
You haven’t disclosed the depth of what you’ve been experiencing here but having someone whose main objective is to listen even just as a sounding board can change your entire situation.
Living this double life can be soooo exhausting. Many a times it felt easier to just stay home so I wouldn’t have to put up a front. But that isolation was overwhelming me and fast. Thankfully I was able to pull myself out. If you need someone to listen, I’m here too.
Same age. After a while, I dropped the facade somewhat recently in the last year. People gave me shit before when I dared express any general discontent or anything besides positivity – even neutrality was frowned upon – that’s where it started. I guess the last straw fell with the camel and I just stopped caring. Another stone added to the stack was enough to make it a net loss to keep trying. I’m back to getting the same unprovoked and unwanted feedback but it’s too much work for value at this point to force something unnatural to appease the family.
You’re not the only one who’s wrestled with this.
You’re carrying a heavy load alone, and it takes real courage to admit that your bright public face doesn’t match your private struggles.
If you make amends, one honest sentence is a good place to start.
This may be more than just a lifestyle, a mental healthy condition, perhaps. I can’t tell much from what you said, but I used to live a life like this and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My case was a little complicated. At first, I felt forced to try to put on a facade, but I gradually got used to it and even started feeling truly happy around ppl. It always had a consequence. The happier I was during the day, the more depressed I was at night (when I was not surrounded by ppl). It wasn’t because I was a social butterfly. I hated pretending to be happy, but I couldn’t express my sadness in front of ppl anymore.
I used to be like this when I was younger, I had so much pressure on me and I felt like I was not living up to the expectations. However I broke down with the person I trusted the most and that helped a lot. I cried my eyes out with my mom and told her what was wrong with me. Maybe you need that, a hug, some words of affirmation from someone that will not judge you but listen because etheu care about you. It is exhausting to live a doublemlife like that, try to admit that you are sad, that you don’t know what is wrong, or maybe you know but you just don’t want to accept it? It helps a lot. Hope things get better for you in the future
This was my life not too long ago. I was really introverted and a self-created loner which led to depression. About three years ago I started taking antidepressants and I was on them for nearly two years. They helped balance me chemically. Once the thing I had no control over was more resolved it was up to me to want to make a change in my life. That’s the hard part, cause if you don’t really want to change you never will. I still struggle to find what makes me happy sometimes but I’m no longer living in the negative. Wish you the best in life friend!
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Yea I feel this way all the time as well, I do my best but sometimes it feels like too much. I don’t really have advice, personally I’m seeing a therapist soon so hopefully that’s helpful.
I have been exploring my mental health concerns using AI music, writing lyrics with ChatGPT, this is one I made some time ago about the same subject. You might vibe with it.
Called “The Mask I Wear”
https://suno.com/s/3Yebzo0mkaqkwjA3
At least you have family and friends best to try and enjoy them before it’s too late.
lowkey the facade slowly starts to slip away i got too tired of masking
fuck it let the world know you’re insane and if the people around you get driven away? let them. only keep the people who accept your true self
Honestly yes!!!! This happens with everyone and I think it’s quite common with our generation as we’re connected and distant at the same time.
I’ll just say “you need to be happy no matter what”
My words might offend some people but still.
You’ve to be strong, no matter what!! Your life’s an investment made by your parents so it’s your duty to give them returns!!
Don’t be stressed or depressed.
I can share two plans
Plan A: short relief — sleep as much as you can, avoid being alone and if you’re then pick a random hobby or start studying till you feel sleepy
Plan B: long term — go for therapy. Be open about your mental state.
Buddy I am not your enemy, not your friend either but I’ve gone thru same state and all the fall outs. I am still handling depression and anxiety but I have learnt to avoid my feelings. I know it’s not right, but it works!!!!
REMEMBER YOU’RE NOT A PROBLEM
at the end everything works out
Hope you’ll do better, All the best . God bless you
You’ve gone through so much pain. And The truth is, there’s only so much blood and flesh can take.
You need to realise that you’re not of this world. And instead, set apart.
A part of you isnt fully being put to use
Don’t keep pushing. Love yourself. Renew the thinking, that refuses to choose you
You see, even the Bible tells us to love your neighbour as you love yourself
So unless you put yourself first, you’re not really doing anything for others
So if you pick up your Bible, you’ll get to know how much God loves you, even more than you’ll ever love yourself.
You have free will too. He died on the cross so that you could have life
And if you get to listen to His truth, know His character. You’ll get to remember how much you’ve always risen when you fall
And He’s the one who picked you up, He’s been singing over you, since before time ever had a name
He celebrated your first cry and still celebrates when you call out to Him
He doesnt love you, for your performance. He loves you simply for your being. The whole you, even that part you learnt to hide from everyone. He sees that and loves you so deeply.
Your His child an heir of His.