I (28F) am half-Filipina, half-white. I don’t look very Asian, and I wasn’t raised speaking Tagalog, but I learned it in college for fun.
My fiancé (30M) is Filipino and very close to his family. When we visit them, they often speak in Tagalog around me. I never let on that I understood.
At first, it was fine. But then, I started hearing my name in sentences I could understand. Things like “She’s pretty, but she’s too pale” or “I don’t think she’ll raise the kids right.”
One day, his aunt said something truly awful:
“She’s the type who’ll take him away from us. Just watch, once they’re married, we’ll never see him again. She’ll poison his heart against his family.”
That night, I told my fiancé everything.
He was stunned. Called his mom out, who denied it all until I repeated her words in perfect Tagalog.
The room went silent. I walked out.
They’ve been apologizing ever since, but I don’t want to spend my life with people who only respect me when they think I don’t understand.
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Backup of the post’s body: I (28F) am half-Filipina, half-white. I don’t look very Asian, and I wasn’t raised speaking Tagalog, but I learned it in college for fun.
My fiancé (30M) is Filipino and very close to his family. When we visit them, they often speak in Tagalog around me. I never let on that I understood.
At first, it was fine. But then, I started hearing my name in sentences I could understand. Things like “She’s pretty, but she’s too pale” or “I don’t think she’ll raise the kids right.”
One day, his aunt said something truly awful:
“She’s the type who’ll take him away from us. Just watch, once they’re married, we’ll never see him again. She’ll poison his heart against his family.”
That night, I told my fiancé everything.
He was stunned. Called his mom out, who denied it all until I repeated her words in perfect Tagalog.
The room went silent. I walked out.
They’ve been apologizing ever since, but I don’t want to spend my life with people who only respect me when they think I don’t understand.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I’ve always wished I had that power. 😊
I would literally go back and confront them this way.
“If you felt comfortable enough to talk negatively about me in front of me, are you able to talk to me about your concerns of our relationship like real adults?”
It will either show their honesty in there apology, or it will reinforce your feelings about his family and your going to have to spend some time reflecting on what you want to deal with or not with this relationship.
But that’s just a personal opinion of someone who has little perspective or experience, so please don’t take me that seriously if you don’t want to confront people 😅
There are plenty of other people out there who have family members that are nice and not judgmental. I’m not sure I could stay married to someone in that situation because I would have to go no contact, and that would fracture everything (even though it’s all their fault).
Count this as an unexpected blessing that you found out who they truly are.
Sorry though, it must hurt so much! I don’t think there is any getting over or through this.
What did your bf say when you broke up with him
I’ll keep shouting it from the rooftops, a SO’s family is a valid deal breaker.
Your fiancé had your back and they now know you speak fluent Tagalog, IDK, maybe hold off on the wedding and see how things go with this new situation.
So she was right?
My MIL and her family do this. I understand their language much better than I express myself in it. We’ll show up to family events and she’ll tell people, “”Don’t bother with her, she doesn’t speak Greek.”
Then she wonders why we’re not close. Lol
Nta
Should have said kung walat ka magandang na salita wag ka ma salita.. basically if you don’t have anything nice to say say nothing..