Hello. I (17F) would just like to say that I still love and care for this friend, so please don’t write any negative comments about her, even though I’m kinda mad at her rn. Thank you!
Just for some background, this friend (17F) has a habit of putting herself in dangerous situations and not following the rules. She is probably what most people would call a “rebel”. Me on the other hand is the definition of a “mom-friend”. I’m always the girl, who makes sure that everybody is okay.
Close to where we live, there is a yearly carnival that comes every September. We figured that we could go together and celebrate our birthdays (her birthday is in August and mine is in October, meaning I was 16 when this situation happened).
I don’t know why, but we decided to secretly buy some alcohol (without our parents knowledge) and then get wasted at this carnival.
When we arrived around 8 pm, we had already drunk a lot, so much that my friend barely could stand up. I had chosen not to drink as much as her, because I wanted to be safe, just in case. We found a spot on the grass and started drinking some more (we had already drunk a whole bottle of vodka, some breezers, gin and more).
While my friend was falling over from being so drunk, a man approached us and asked if we were okay.
I answered yes and he asked how much we had drunk. I said a lot and he started laughing. He introduced himself as W (don’t wanna say his real name) and said that he was 46 years old. I replied that I was 16 and my friend was 17 and obviously told him our name. He asked if we wanted to buy some more alcohol and pointed to a tent. My friend nodded and tbh I wasn’t against it.
We walked with him over to the tent and I paid for some liquor. He offered us some beer and my friend started drinking it (I declined). His friend came over and joined The conversation
He noticed that we were drunk and offered that we could sleep in the tent with them later, so they could protect us (meaning nothing sexual). My friend said yes to this offer, but I declined for the both of us (It felt weird).
His friend then proposed that we all should drink together and have fun. My friend thought this was a great idea, but something inside me told me to say no.
I actually started arguing with these men, because they were angry that I had said no and my friend joined their side. The men started being aggressive and I called my mom crying (in front of them) and I told her the situation. She quickly said that she was on her way (the carnival is 45 minutes away from where I live) and she was going to pick up my friend as well, because she was so drunk.
The men finally let me (us) go and we went out to the parking lot. Suddenly my friend was missing again (mind you the time was around 10 pm) I tracked her location on Snapchat and started looking for her (I know it was stupid for me to walk alone). Nothing happened to me while I was looking for her, besides one guy that wouldn’t leave me alone.
I ended up finding her close to a park with a 19 year old guy, she had matched with on tinder. I was pretty mad and dragged her back to the parking lot. She was stumbling and just didn’t make any sense.
My mom finally came and when I came home, I got grilled for 3 hours by my parents, telling me not to talk to strangers.
I ended up calling my friend the next morning and she was furious that I dragged her away from tinder guy (she couldn’t remember The two men). I yelled at her and hung up. I haven’t talked to her since, and I don’t know what to do about this friendship.
I’m using a throwaway account, because I’m scared that this friend will see the post, if it’s from my main.
Comments
Sweetie you did the right thing. Never doubt that for a second. I would let the situation die down. If she’s truly your friend she will apologize and thank you for keeping her safe when she was incoherent. If she doesn’t, well the garbage took itself out. You don’t need to be friends with someone who is willing to put themselves and their friends in harms way.
Consider yourself very lucky all around. Your mom swooped in when you needed her and now you no longer have to deal with a so-called friend who would rather flirt with risking her life…and yours.
You did the right thing looking after your friend. WTF was up with 2 guys in their 40s trying to get drunk teenagers back to their tent? Absolute predators.
I *think* I can see your friends POV with the 19YO guy, but if she was as drunk as you’re making her out to have been that she can’t even remember the two middleaged guys then IMO she was probably in no state to consent to absolutely anything. That and assuming you’re from the US or another country with a similar age of consent then he would’ve been committing a crime regardless of whether your friend was too drunk consent or not.
You looked after both yourself and your friend. You did good and your friend is lucky to have you looking out for her.
You’re a good person, your friend will forgive you, especially when you tell her the whole story. Trust me as someone who was definitely more like your friend at your age, I wish I had a friend like you.
Time to dumb your friend she clearly a lost cause
Were her parents at
thats terrifying, those guys were planning to do awful things to you and your friend, text her exactly what happened and tell her that realistically, the date wouldn’t have even gone well because she was extremely drunk and tell her that she is putting herself in a very dangerous position
40 year olds wanting to drink and hang out with children (no offence).
Wtf.
I swear I’ve read this story not long ago!
You need to explain calmly to your friend that the men thing happened and so you were only concerned for her safety and ability to consent.
If you want to save the friendship, apologize and “admit” that you may have been wrong to bring her away from the 19 yo, but also say you only did it because you weren’t sure if she would remember any of it. Idk what your location and age of consent is there (it is 17 where I am) but if it’s 18, tell her you didn’t want there to be any issues down the line if she liked him or something and she can contact him again and blame you for “dragging” her away.
With those things said, YOU WERE IN THE RIGHT. Every step of the way you stayed level headed enough to evaluate the risks and protect yourself and your friend. Heaven forbid you went back to the tent with those men and something happened. Or you let her go off with the boy and she didn’t remember, they forgot to use protection if it got that far, the bad scenarios are endless. I would have killed for a friend like you or TO BE a friend like you were.
Tell her all about it next time. If she is mad again then tell her she can put herself in dangerous situations by herself
Those two men were predators that clearly were going to have sex with you whether you were awake or asleep if given the chance
A good friend doesn’t put a friend in danger
She is not a good friend.
Is one thing you are being aware and wanting to stay safe, totally another that she is actively putting you in danger
This are the friends I had to cutoff when I was young. Good thing i did because their stories now are terribly sad from their experiences they now have.
Also, your friend putting herself in this kind of danger, she may need therapy as it seems that she is going through something