As a kid, I [19F] used to get touched up by some of the men in my family (my uncles and male cousin). When I would walk by, a few of my uncles would slap my butt. I was always uncomfortable, but they did it anyway. When I would try to say something, they would just laugh as if it was nothing. When I was 13 – 14, my older male cousin molested me when our families went to California on a trip. He touched me inappropriately down there. Then he would hump me from behind. Throughout the trip, he would keep doing this. Anywhere we went, I was afraid to be in a room alone with him because he would do it. I could never tell my parents. I was so ashamed, and he knew it. I don’t think they would have believed me anyway. It only stopped after he got a girlfriend (who he’s been with for 4 years now). I’m now realizing that my childhood I’ve been assaulted so many times. In high school, I was almost forced as well. I don’t know why this keeps happening to me. I hate myself. Every time I have to take a shower, I have to look at my body. I hate it. I hate me. 🙁
I’m sorry if I’m posting a lot. I don’t know why, but today has been such a bad day. I keep crying and I heard from my parents that my uncle’s birthday (not the one who hurt me) is coming up, and they want to have a family reunion with it. I guess I have to go 🙁
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Today has been a really bad day for me. I don’t know why, since it’s the same as yesterday. ☹️. I went to work, then I went straight home. 🏠. I didn’t even realize it got dark out when I left my room. I think I’m losing track of time, maybe.
You should talk to a therapist and deal with this trauma. It’s the only way you’ll ever heal.
I’m sorry this happened to you.