I recently discovered that someone I was dating had been secretly posting intimate photos of me online without my consent. I had no idea. I only found out much later through a long, painful series of events that I won’t go into here, but it involves the photos of not only me, but all his exes, their friends, and random women he dated, in disgusting corners of the internet I wish I didn’t now know existed.
There is an active investigation on him. He’s out on bail (his parents are wealthy), but that hasn’t stopped him from continuing to prey on women — he’s still active on Feeld (despite multiple people reporting him) and possibly other dating apps, still targeting women in PA/NJ—I worry about that a lot.
I feel disgusted for ever being with him, for having sex with him, for trusting anything he said. He lied about everything, from who else he was seeing, down to having a job. He also hid his previous conviction(s) (some gross stuff around hidden cameras nearly a decade ago). And even though I know what happened wasn’t my fault, I still feel regretful and betrayed. I wish I’d never met him.
What’s worse is that I work in mental health, supporting men professionally — and lately, I can’t even bring myself to want to bother. It’s not rational to project one man’s cruelty onto a whole gender, but it’s how I feel right now. Disappointed. Tired. Angry.
I’m not sure what to do about the photos — I don’t know how to recover them or even fully track them. If anyone has any advice or has gone through something similar, I’d appreciate anything you’re willing to share. I mostly just needed to get this out, because keeping it in was making me feel like I was going to spill over.
Thanks for listening
Comments
First, I’m so sorry you have to deal with someone you trusted doing this to you. You didn’t deserve this and he is trash for doing this without your consent.
If you are in the US, there are some states that would classify this as revenge porn. Check your state’s laws – if it’s one of the states that does have laws against revenge porn then you may be able to have the law take care of him.
This is fucking disgusting and I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Regarding tracking the photos, you could try feeding them into tineye to reverse image search and you might have some luck following the spread that way.
I’m so sorry he did this to you. Please make a police report, either to your state police or the FBI.
A man in my city in Canada was recently arrested for this, he did it to many women (including his wife) and it was linked to an online group of men doing the same thing. There’s a worldwide investigation now.
Do you have a local sexual assault support centre in your area? They should be able to help navigate some of this.
If you are in NJ, you can sue him directly as a civil case. You can ask for injunctive relief as well, which would force him to stop sharing the images, and at least try, to remove any of the images he posted online.
https://www.criminaldefenselawyer.com/resources/revenge-porn-laws-new-jersey.htm#civil-lawsuit-for-revenge-porn-in-new-jersey
https://www.minclaw.com/revenge-porn-laws-new-jersey/
So when I was a teen, my dude friends showed me a site where they upload their ex-gf’s nudes and everyone roasts them. So that doesn’t surprise me. I don’t send nudes to anyone unless we’re married lol. Then, when I was 22, I had an ex bf go to jail for downloading 180 videos of child porn 😳 I was also the last girl he dated 🤔 I couldn’t believe it. He was the nicest guy ever, and we broke up before I moved away. Don’t feel bad because they did something bad. It has nothing to do with your judgment. People always have dark secrets.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. That’s disgusting and it’s absolutely not your fault. There was no way you could have known while you were with him. Definitely agree with other comments about reporting him to law enforcement but you could also look for Facebook groups in the areas he’s dating in that are for women to share information. Typically they’re called “Are We Dating the Same Guy?” Plus the location. For example I’m in one in the DC area. But that would give you a chance to make a post warning other women. Best of luck to you in your healing <3
Talk to a lawyer. You may be able to have him charged. You definitely can get a RO if in the U.S.
First of all – I am so sorry this is happening to you. You don’t deserve it, and neither do any of the other women he has done this to. I’m sending you safe hugs from here ❤️
Secondly, roughly how old is this guy? I only ask because I used to date a guy in PA, and about 10-15 years ago I caught him using a hidden camera on me. I had honestly blocked that memory out of my head completely until I read your line about his previous convictions…reading that line in your post made my stomach drop.
I never told anyone about the camera, because I was embarrassed and shocked and a whole bunch of other things, but now I’m sitting here feeling like an idiot because I 100% SHOULD HAVE said something to someone. I could have prevented him doing it to others…