I know everyone tells me to move on, but it is so hard and easier said than done. She did not commit physical infidelity, but rather financial infidelity and after several times of bailing her out and losing two homes, I decided I had enough. She was never good at handling money and when I took control of it, she said I was being to controlling and got mad at me. I gave in multiple times, even when we split (we split at least three times and she would come back to me because I was the one she could depend on) I gave in. I find incredible fault on myself for this, that and she told me I was always unhappy and that I complained to her to much which added unwanted pressure on her. I was unhappy at my job and leadership and she was the one that I confided in, but I guess it was overbearing on her. I stopped for a while but things kept happening and I returned back to her, my safe place. We were married 20 years and we were both incredibly compatible with each other as far as humor, politics and most of all physically because the sex was addictive,. The divorce is close to being final, but on a trip home I inadvertently saw a picture of her and someone 20 years her junior and it triggered me something bad. I haven’t been able to sleep, eat, etc. and I can’t shake the image out of my head. Apparently, on one of my deployments, her sister introduced her to this guy and now they are together and want to get married as soon as the divorce is final. I fully understand that I am the one that started this and I was never jealous during our marriage, now I am incredibly so even though I shouldn’t be. I admit my mistakes and it tears me up that I couldn’t fix them, but she wasn’t perfect either, but now it is to late. I can imagine this is only a fling, as she makes really good money and he looks incredibly younger, but regardless I just can’t hate her afterv20 years. I’m really trying to move on and I beat myself up every day thinking what if? I didn’t do this for greener pastures, I just couldn’t risk my career (stipulations were massive debt boud cause dismissal) and being out on the street. I break down all the time now, and I can’t go back on the divorce because she will get it anyway because she has moved on and told me to do the same thing.
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Oh, don’t worry she ll be back on the street. Older woman and younger guy is very rare, guy will break up with her and find a younger woman. Told a friend her guy will leave when she hit 60, she know it was coming but it still hurt. She was 55 and the guy already left for a 20 something woman.
Distance helps a lot. Along with boxing up things that remind you of her (I know its probably a massive undertaking since you spent 20 years together).
My question to you is why you never thought she was sleeping with someone else those other times you guys split?
Every time you catch yourself missing your wife, read that list and remember why you divorced her.
I don’t think you actually regret divorcing your wife. Your marriage sounds pretty awful and emotionally difficult, and you definitely don’t want to do that anymore.
Seeing her with someone new has just triggered reminders of the fun sexy wife you once had, and you’re lonely and you miss that. Just remember the version of the wife you got at the end was the one who couldn’t be trusted with money, wouldn’t work with you on a solution and left you in turmoil.
It’s okay to miss the fun stuff but remember the reality and also remember she’s not the only woman in the world.
Your perspective is off.
She was very unhealthy for you and your future, and you know it.
Sometimes the healthy choice isn’t the fun one, but it’s necessary.
Now go create the life you want.
The relationship won’t last. Your REAL problem will be not to give in AGAIN when she comes crawling back.
Strart dating , you can’t replace 20 years of intimacy by sitting on your ass thinking about your ex. What advice would you offer a teenage boy behaving like YOU????
Take that advice yourself and stop acting like a possesive teenager who thinks their unsuitable ex is their one true love. Grow UP!
The only way to get over someone is to get under someone else