I love him but I regret marrying him.
He doesn’t have an idea of what is marriage. We are reaching 5years of marriage this year. And I am regretting more than never now to have marrying him.
He treats me like a girlfriend, I don’t even think he knows what a marriage looks like, or what commitment it is. He is taking decisions by himself, does not include me with his kids from prior relationship. Do not considerate my plans during weekends, he is the priority and does not communicate with me when his plans change. He comes home late each time he goes out without updating me. Etc etc
Do not kiss me hello or goodbye.
Now we have a 2 months old baby boy and I’m seriously thinking: is it the type of “love” I want to show to my son.
I want my son to see how a man is supposed to be a leader, to see how to cherish a woman. I want my son to be able to grow up in a house where love is flooding.
I keep bringing it up to my husband most of the things I listed earlier his answer is “I am not comfortable”
Not comfortable to kiss your wife a hello ???
I’m so fed up. I want to be loved how I deserve. I want to feel beautiful in someone eyes and hands. I want my son to see that.
I regret marrying him. It was a wrong decision.
That’s what I have on my chest.
Comments
Imma be honest, my mom had a similar realisation and ended up staying until I was 18 which I mean meant me and my sister had some sense of stability growing up but there were also a lot of issues that meant that both me and my sister now have issues from the trauma we went through. Like it’s completely up to you what you end up doing, ya know staying or going, but that’s just something to consider ig.
I am so sorry he is not what you hoped he would be. You are 2 months post partum. I would recommend fixing your finances en resources. Where do you life? Who could support you emotionally? How would you manage financially? How openly have you talked to your friends and family what a lousy husband and father he is being? Stop wasting your time energy on making him something he does not want to be. Start using it on yourself, baby and an exit plan. He is the babies father, do you think he would (in time) partly want to coparent? Don’t start fighting, don’t loose your clarity, get your exit plan. It sucks, sometimes life does. Mistakes happen, but yours resulted in a baby that has a mom who wants him to experience growing up in a house filled with love. That is a very good start of the rest of this story.
Hey, maybe consider talking to a therapist. I’ve personally realized I’m more on the emotionally reserved side—even though I love my husband deeply, I’m not naturally very affectionate in the way he is. We ended up going to therapy together, and I’ve been working on showing love in the way he understands and needs, because everyone expresses affection differently.
Five years is a long time—half a decade. If you still love him, I really think it’s worth trying to get some help to work through this. You don’t have to do it alone.
I personally think your relationship should be the same before and during marriage. If they don’t show you respect and unconditional support beforehand, they will not change when you have a ring on your finger.
INFO: Did he show you these traits before and suddenly start after marriage? Were you more of a priority during the dating phase and now she excludes you? Or did you marry into a situation of exclusion?
You have two options.
Work on your marriage and fight for it to survive and become what you both got married to be in the first place.
separate/divorce
You say you want your son to have a model for marriage that is beautiful – and that’s valid and I understand. But divorce won’t solve that. He will always be his dad. His dad will move on and be with another woman (probably) and you will too (probably) and who’s to say how those relationships will be?
I always tell couples going through rough patches to remember why they got married, have a difficult conversation about your true feelings and how close you are to mentally checking out, get therapy and fight for your marriage. You may snap back even better. Wish you the best!
As a child whose parents got divorced when I was a one-year-old, I want to offer my perspective. First off, I can never imagine them together. They are not the same kind of people and they wouldn’t have been happy, so I’m actually glad they got divorced. It’s never too late, but it was definitely easier for me because I was so young when it happened and I didn’t see any of the drama from it. They successfully shared custody of me after that and I would visit my dad a few times a week. That comes with its own considerations of course, but all in all I watched each parent enter new marriages that they chose more intentionally and as long as those marriages were good things for them and they were happy, I think I ended up seeing love modeled much better than I would have if my parents had stayed together. I watched my dad and my stepmom for example have a beautiful happy marriage and they still do, 25 years later. You have time to make this decision and don’t need to bear the weight of thinking staying is your only option for modeling love.
Leave
Hell nah run. He doesn’t consider you when he’s making plans. To be honest idk why you still have sex with him and got pregnant.
Curious what led you to marrying someone like this?
I am so sorry to hear this. While separating with a young one, and becoming a single mother is difficult, it is not as difficult as staying in a marriage where you are unhappy. In my humble opinion, get out now and don’t waste any more time trying to work that out. we all deserve to be loved.
Do what’s right for you. You will not regret it. Do it sooner than later.
You’re only now realizing this?
you shouldn’t have expected him to change after marriage. actually, you should have expected him to be and do exactly the same.