So I’m sharing this because I just feel completely lost right now. this whole thing started fairly recently. I don’t remember everything as we were both drinking the whole night, but I can share the bits and pieces I do remember.
I should start with that my best friend (m) and I (f) had made last minute plans to hangout, drink, and play video games. All is going well. He’s bought a ton of drinks and has them in his fridge, and I bring over some drinks as well. We start talking like normal and are just catching up as normal. We’re drinking and just chatting in general. We had even made plans to hangout another day to grab some coffee since our work schedules hadn’t been lining up lately.
Over time, we keep drinking and eventually go to play video games. At this point, we start taking shots of the fireball he had gotten. We had been drinking pretty heavily throughout the night. I remember putting my hair up, and that I was getting upset that my hair was getting in my face, and had asked him a few times if he would mind helping me fix it (I get overstimulated when my hair goes in my face. Usually I can handle it, but everything gets 10 times worse when I’m drunk.) I rested my leg on his, and we keep playing video games. After a few games, he started rubbing my inner thigh. I ask him to fix my hair as it was in my face again and was stressing me out. After he does, he asks me if I would be okay with hooking up, no strings attached. I agreed which was so fucking stupid, and he kissed me and from what I can remember we go back to his bedroom? I don’t remember much else beyond that. Just little bits and pieces.
I remember he couldn’t finish, and that I had gone to the couch and went to bed.
The next day, things seem awkward and quiet?And we have coffee and hang out for a little while. We finish the game we were playing, and then he says I should leave after the game. I do.
A few days later, he messaged me canceling our plans to hang out. I was confused and asked if everything was okay. He then messaged saying he doesn’t feel right about the whole thing. That he doesn’t know if I had taken advantage of him or not, that he has never thought of me that way before, that he doesn’t know if I coerced him into sex, and that he doesn’t feel comfortable in our friendship anymore. He doesn’t remember anything that happened. He has since blocked me.
I don’t know if I’m an asshole and did? We were both VERY drunk. And he had asked me, and I agreed. I never thought getting drunk with my best friend as we have many times before would lead to this, and would fuck up our friend ship. We have never once wanted to have sex before nor had sex before. I’m just sitting here wondering if I’m a piece of shit or not and just feel so lost. If I am in the wrong, please let me know. I just don’t know what to do right now.
Comments
He couldn’t finish and got self conscious about it and also worried you may say the same thing so he figured he’d get ahead of it and throw out an accusation himself and cut contact. HE INITIATED WITH YOU. Bro clearly had issues
He bought the fireball and made the moves… feels like he might be embarrassed about not being able to perform? Weird that he’s saying you were taking advantage of him when it seems he was the initiator and the person who had the alcohol. Feels like projection of a sort.
He is not your friend. Blocking you!? Wtf?
I’ve almost been this guy, but I just admitted that I was insecure about my performance to a friend turned into fwb. (everything was fine, and I stayed friends with this person) I can’t obviously say for sure, but I think he was embarrassed/insecure about not being able to finish. Also, some people (talking from experience) do very out of character things while drunk and then feel guilty when sober. Maybe he really felt that he had overstepped in the friendship but couldn’t handle taking accountability.
Sorry that this comment is so haphazardly put together
Can’t help but feel like the comments would be different if the genders were reversed
Think you’re both at fault, don’t do this shit when you’re drunk, lesson learned.
That feeling when you wake up realizing the choices you made under influence have consequences you never saw coming… it’s heavy, and it’s okay to feel lost because no one expects you to have all the answers when the ground shifts beneath you. We’ve all been there when the moment you think you’re in control, everything changes in an instant.
Or he ruined the friendship by making moves on you. Funny how he thinks you took advantage of him.. projection or gaslighting? Take your pick.
I also want to add that he’s not sure if I got him drunk to take advantage of him. We have gotten drunk many other times before, but we drank a lot more this time around than any other time. I don’t know if this contributes any, but just some insight to the situation. He said he never drinks that much.
He’s in Self denial. Sounds like this was pre meditated. No one casually brings fireball to a party of 2 unless there’s sexual intent 😂 dude couldn’t finished and he is flipping the script now
He might have more feelings than he is letting on, and is trying to cover it up by making you seem like the bad guy. Or maybe embarrassed about it. Either way, his behavior after is immature and I know it sucks to lose your best friend over it (been there), it is honestly better in the long run if this is his reaction. I’m sorry. You’re not a piece of shit.
I would text him he asked you not you and you don’t remember it either so you can’t blame me you start the sex talk you asked me if I wanted to hook up don’t let him put it on you
“I brought you alcohol and felt you up and asked you for sex and then banged you – YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF MEEEE” – how is it not super obvious to you what happened? I’m going to have to assume you’re a teenager with zero experience but goddamn.
He couldn’t finish and now is embarrassed and trying to blame you. He prob would have been mad if you turned him down too. Honestly just respond “we were both drunk, and you are the one who propositioned me, if anyone took advantage of the situation it was you. I think our friendship is over based on how you reacted to this whole situation with a lack of maturity, have a good life”
Did you fart?
He was never your friend
Text this:
“It’s sad how you’re rewriting what happened to protect your ego. You initiated everything, I agreed, and I never crossed a line. Maybe you’re just self-conscious because you couldn’t finish and decided blaming me was easier than facing it. I’m hurt too, but honestly, I don’t even recognize the person you turned out to be.”
He’s being a coward. He initiated it, you agreed, and now he feels embarrassed so he is flipping the story to protect his own ego.
You didn’t do anything wrong. He just cannot handle his own guilt and is trying to pin it on you to feel better about himself.
Blocking you instead of owning his actions is immature as hell. You lost nothing. He showed you who he really is. Believe him and move on.
Weird that he would jump to “you took advantage of me” if he was the one who asked first, and both of you were too drunk to remember all the details.
Honestly sounds like he’s been wanting to sleep with you for a while, he couldn’t perform due to being drunk, and now he’s trying to gaslight you into thinking this is your fault.
If someone really was a good friend, they’d sit down to have this conversation with you even if it’s hard, instead of blocking you on everything before you guys had a proper discussion about what happened.
fuck him sober it will fix everything
I think he’s taking a “best defense is a good offense” approach here: He weighed your value to him and decided that he was cool with tanking this friendship, but wanted to get some on his way out the door. So he initiated, got what he wanted, then played the victim to avoid further contact.
I wouldn’t go so far as to call it sexual assault, but it was definitely the sleaziest possible behavior.
The truth is that HE ruined this friendship, not you. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Honestly sounds like a shitty person. He asked you to hook up. You were both drunk and it wasn’t the best call but he sounds like he can’t take accountability for his actions, as poor as they may be.
You’re right depending on the people, hooking up with a long time friend can be a no strings attached thing. It could evolve, devolve, or fizzle but it mostly depends on the people. In this situation, he’s covering his tracks cause he feels guilty. He knows what he did and his actions make that seem pretty clear. If he didn’t then why sleep on the couch? Why ask when you’re both drunk? Why have all that booze? Maybe there are legit reasons to those questions. You know him better than an internet stranger but it sounds like you dodged a bullet and found out what he was really like.
Mourn your loss and thank your stars he’s gone.
Interesting usually its the other way around. Honestly he’s probably just embarrassed his toy soldier couldn’t stand at attention and is doing a really poor job of handling it.
he sucks for doing this. HE WAS RUBBING UR THIGH. he initiated it. hes embarassed and probably has wanted to do this for a while, but he couldnt live up to his own expectations. please dont feel bad for this, honestly id hate him after this lol i hate being friends w a guy for years just to figure out hes an idiot. and was basically jus tryna fuck the whole time.
because if he had real feelings for you.. he wouldnt just ask to fuck no strings attached. idk even reading this made me mad..
getting wasted with a friend of the opposite sex is always risky for this exact reason. Maybe it doesn’t matter who initiated and you both just learned a really hard lesson. I’d be curious to hear his account of the events though
In response to your last paragraph, it sounds like he’s projecting.
He feels guilty about what he did, so he’s projecting it onto you. Gaslighting you into thinking you’re the bad “guy.”
He probably wanted to hook up with you for a while.
Regardless of everything, if you want to keep the friendship, you both need to be adults and discuss what happened and that it was consensual.
Time heals all.
Idk dude almost this exact same thing happened with me and one of the homies. I love her to death, but not like that. She’s cute, and deserves the world, but it ain’t me. We were plastered and hooked up. Neither of us could really finish because we were too drunk. We’re still homies. She’s one of my favorite people.
I would say he’s self-conscious. If you can get ahold of him, you should message him and ask to meet up in public, and explain your side. At least clear the air, if not become besties again. Sex usually ain’t worth losing a friend over. Unless they’re a bad friend, or they become something more than.
No, you did NOT take advantage of him!! It was mutually consensual. He’s crap in the sack and feels embarrassed and is putting it all on you.