I’m a 35-year-old guy living in Ontario. Just need to get this off my chest because it’s been sitting heavy with me.
I’ve been struggling with depression and social anxiety since the pandemic started. Been in therapy for three years now. It’s helped, and I’m slowly getting better, but it’s still a fight every day.
I’ve only had one real relationship, back in my mid-20s. It lasted two years. She was honestly way out of my league. When we broke up, she told me I was the worst sex she’d ever had. That one sentence still haunts me. Probably messed me up more than I admit.
Since then, nothing. No relationships, no sex. I’m overweight, balding, and still socially awkward. I’ve tried putting myself out there, but I get anxious and either bail or totally shut down. I overthink everything.
Last week, in a moment of weakness, I booked an escort. She was really well reviewed. I paid $350 for the hour. She was kind, professional, even made me feel safe. But when I left, I felt completely empty. Like even worse than before.
Not because she did anything wrong. She didn’t. She was actually lovely. It just made me realize how far I feel from real connection. I didn’t walk away feeling better. I felt like I paid to pretend I’m not as lonely as I am. And it wore off fast.
I don’t know what I expected. But now I just feel more broken.
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Backup of the post’s body:
I’m a 35-year-old guy living in Ontario. Just need to get this off my chest because it’s been sitting heavy with me.
I’ve been struggling with depression and social anxiety since the pandemic started. Been in therapy for three years now. It’s helped, and I’m slowly getting better, but it’s still a fight every day.
I’ve only had one real relationship, back in my mid-20s. It lasted two years. She was honestly way out of my league. When we broke up, she told me I was the worst sex she’d ever had. That one sentence still haunts me. Probably messed me up more than I admit.
Since then, nothing. No relationships, no sex. I’m overweight, balding, and still socially awkward. I’ve tried putting myself out there, but I get anxious and either bail or totally shut down. I overthink everything.
Last week, in a moment of weakness, I booked an escort. She was really well reviewed. I paid $350 for the hour. She was kind, professional, even made me feel safe. But when I left, I felt completely empty. Like even worse than before.
Not because she did anything wrong. She didn’t. She was actually lovely. It just made me realize how far I feel from real connection. I didn’t walk away feeling better. I felt like I paid to pretend I’m not as lonely as I am. And it wore off fast.
I don’t know what I expected. But now I just feel more broken.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Dude, you were in a heck of a slump and you brought in a professional to bust it. Sounds totally reasonable.
A much bigger issue is that you’ve been depressed for three years. You need to see a head doctor and get some meds and more help. Look into SAD and hit the gym like it owes you money. Exercise really does help Three years is way too long to be depressed and not seek additional help.
I’m so sorry that you are having such a tough time. If I may offer a little advice, take the next six months to focus on yourself. Get healthy, join some sort of club or class with zero expectation to meet anyone other than friends. Take an art class, join a hiking club, a bike club, a cooking class. Something that interests you and that you look forward to and take those classes for you because they interest you. Get comfortable in your own skin. Get a physical if you haven’t had one. Things like a vitamin D deficiency or an underactive thyroid can also cause depression and other health issues.
Take a deep breath. You did what you needed to, now the moment is over and I’m glad it was a lovely time in the moment. However for longevity you need to start loving yourself. Confidence goes way beyond physical appearance. It’s great you’re in therapy but medications can definitely help you get out of a negative headspace in conjunction to regular therapy. Like another commenter said, hit the gym. Start finding hobbies, rediscover yourself. When you start getting to know yourself and feeling confident in your own skin, people will automatically gravitate towards you, and if you find a soulmate great, but the real goal needs to help get you out of this negative headspace. Just small things daily can help, like just going for a walk, dressing up nice to go out, exploring a hobby. A little will go a long way!
First off, most 20 something year olds are bad at sex. You get good at sex by listening and caring about your partner. That’s it. That’s the secret.
Second, you had a good sexual experience. You spent less than I’ve spent on buying sex toys, and it was 350 Canadian dollars, that’s pretty much free in American dollars. This was the motivation you needed to remind you what you could have. So now work towards that.
As a sex worker (with a similar rate) in Ontario I will beg of you what I would any of my clients…dedicate the next 350 to a therapist and really lean in. And if the first one sucks move on. You deserve to feel good about yourself and then you should see another girl or the same one if you want and truly enjoy the expertise and experience as you deserve to. A doctor for meds too if 3 years that’s way too long to suffer babe!
If someone who you were in a relationship with for TWO YEARS says that you were the worst sex she’s ever had, that says more about her than it does about you. That’s something you say about a one night stand, if someone keeps on having bad sex they don’t like and doesn’t communicate or work on making it better, that’s their own fault, not their partner’s!
On behalf of all the women I know—and myself—I promise you, most men in their 20s aren’t great at sex.
It’s all about body language, and you get better with experience. Be kind to yourself, and take the time to learn and enjoy it as much as you can, as long as you can afford its not a lifetime commitment it’s just for a night.
I would just hit the gym and visit a hooker regularly until I met someone I like
What’s her number ?
The good news is that you realize the problem: you are depressed. Go to a doctor and tell them that. They won’t be able to wave a magic wand and make it all better but just knowing there’s someone on your side will help you take the next steps.
You ex was a real bitch in telling you that. When you do get close to another woman, and never doubt you will, early on let her know you are inexperienced and need to learn. Heck you can even seek out a professional to help you there. The key is really to explore and pay attention to her reactions to what you try.
You can do this OP. Keep trying, keep living.
You didn’t pay for sex, you paid for her to leave when you were done.
First off, there is a chance your ex told you you were bad at sex as a way to hurt you. It didn’t have to be true. But she KNEW it would be a kill shot.
But even if you aren’t great at it, you could have used your visit with the professional to LEARN. It isn’t about connection. Don’t expect it to be. Consider it a hands on lesson. A pro can tell you what your strengths are and help you learn what to do.
Once you have had a few lessons, you will be more confident to do it with a woman you might care for.
That’s a one night stand.
You’re fine.
Get back out there.
I am so sorry that you are going through a rough patch. Good on you for admitting it and realizing that you want/need to change. The last thing you need right now is to be in a relationship with anyone. You need to first find a way to love and appreciate yourself again before trying to bring anyone else into the picture. Start slow. Find one thing each day to be grateful for. Go for a walk. Each day walk 20 paces further. Make one healthier eating choice a day. Connect with am old friend, or make a new one. There are tons of meetup groups all over the world for every kind of hobby or interest. Maybe think about talking to a professional? I hear ads for that BetterHelp all the time? Consider volunteering somewhere? I always feel better when l help others, plus it will get you out of the house and meeting new people. I realize this is all much easier said than done. But start small, and before you know it, you will be back on track! And if by chance you are in the Metro Detroit area, let’s meet for coffee! You’ve got this. One step at a time! ✌🏻💖
Pandemic has been over for 4 years. Get your head out of your ass and start living life. Go out and make a fool out of yourself and then laugh about it. Dance like no one’s watching because who gives a crap. Live life to live, don’t just wait to die.
I think people intuitively know that paying for someone to fuck them is morally icky. It takes something that is meant to be a connection with another person and makes it at best transactional and at worst participating in human trafficking (source: my experiences as an exploited child). I would encourage you to try to look inwards for growth, and not at what experiences and people you can buy with money.