I (23F) have been with my boyfriend (40M) for a while now. Things between us have always felt stable, honest, and familiar. There haven’t been many surprises.
Recently, I went through his phone (I know I shouldn’t have), and I checked his Reddit history. I expected random stuff—news, hobbies, maybe memes—but instead I saw that he had recently viewed gay porn and had been browsing related communities.
He’s never mentioned anything about being curious, bisexual, or interested in that kind of content. He identifies as straight, and we’ve never had a conversation about kinks or anything that might suggest this is something he’s into. So it completely threw me off.
I haven’t brought it up because I know if I do, the focus will shift to me “violating his privacy,” and I won’t get a real answer. But the truth is, now it’s just sitting in my chest. I don’t know if this is a curiosity thing, a fetish, or something deeper he hasn’t been honest about.
I’m not here to shame anyone for their sexuality or what they explore privately. I just feel like I’m holding something big in silence and pretending it doesn’t matter… but it does, at least to me.
Would you bring this up? Or leave it alone and try to forget it?
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TL;DR:
I (23F) found gay porn and related subreddits in my boyfriend’s (40M) Reddit history. He’s never talked about anything like that, and I don’t know if I should ask him about it or stay quiet and move on.
Comments
Idk if you’re familiar with DBT, but I suggest using the DEAR MAN GIVE FAST approach to address the conversation—I think these things are always better addressed than ignored but it may be worth considering exactly how you address it.