My wife and I have been married for three years. Lately, she’s been distant — not angry, not cold, just… somewhere else. She started sleeping in the guest room a few months ago, saying she just “needed better sleep.”
At first I thought she was tired, maybe stressed. But eventually, my mind went to the worst possible places.
I started thinking, Is she falling out of love with me? Is there someone else?
Then one day, she forgot to bring her journal to work. She’s always writing in it, every night before bed. I know it’s private — I do — but curiosity (and maybe fear) got the better of me.
I opened it.
The first page I saw said:
“I dreamed of the baby again today. He was laughing this time.”
I kept reading.
Every page was filled with pain I never knew she carried.
“Today would’ve been his first steps.”
“I saw a toddler that looked just like him. I couldn’t stop crying in the car.”
She’d had a miscarriage. I didn’t even know she was pregnant.
She never told me.
She’s been grieving alone this whole time, and I — her husband — had no idea.
And all this time I thought she was pulling away from me…
when really, she was trying to survive something I never even noticed.
I haven’t told her I read it. I don’t even know how to look at her the same now
Should I confess that I read her journal? Or should I just be there for her and pretend I don’t know?
What would you do if you were me?
Comments
This is a great post.
If I were you, I would simply carry on as usual, but be kinder, more loving, more caring, more supportive, and more considerate.
And tell her how much you love her every opportunity that you get.
Sometimes it’s not necessary for us to share our secrets. Actions speak much louder than words.
yes, speak to her about it and let her know you’re there for her. don’t be frustrated visibly that she didn’t tell you though
You should always confess to reading her journal, which you of course shouldn’t have done. There will be fallout, but explain that you felt her pulling away and was scared. You say you had “no idea”, you “never even noticed”, but of course you did notice! You saw something was off! So don’t be too hard on yourself for missing something.
Side note. Your confessing about reading her journal about something that she was hiding from you and should have told you. Seems like both parties are in the wrong. I’d be furious if my wife was pregnant and didn’t tell me
Don’t you dare telling her you read that. Do you realize what will happen to the trust he has on you + the sense of privacy. Id suggest you to somehow lead the conversation until she tell you herself. Otherwise, imagine the pain of the miscarriage + lost of trust in her husband. Do not tell her you read that.
Kind of concerning that she chose to keep that secret and to deal with it alone. Could possibly be post natal depression? It can, rarely, happen after a miscarriage.
Like others have said, you’ve got to be honest and admit your invasion of her privacy. But hopefully this opens the door to you being able to tackle this together.
Did she state it was a miscarriage? Could it have been an abortion?
i‘ve suffered many miscarriages and don‘t wish it on anyone but also I cannot immagine why she would not tell you anything? may i ask what culture your wife belongs to? maybe there are some differences but at least to the husband women should be transparent? Not to bring up any bad ideas but is there any chance the baby was not yours? I know that this is not what you want to hear but at the moment it is hard for me as a woman how she could not tell you?
Also how would she know what her toddler looked like? I‘m confused by that sentence. Usually a miscarriage happens in the first three months and there‘s no way to tell if it looked like someone else‘s toddler?
Don’t tell her you read her journal. Why don’t you share that you feel lonely without her. Sleeping next to you. That if there is something wrong. Take it from there…..
And was it your child yes?
ChatGPT… please stop using it to post.
She could have cheated and got an abortion or miscarried… and that’s the reason that you weren’t made privy
Shame on you for always thinking the worst about your women. Why aren’t youo able to see her sorrow without reading her journal. I don’t understand. I can pretty fast see through my husband if he is horny or sad or whatever.
You confess you read her journal,. Because you are 2 who need to mourn the loss.
I wouldn’t tell! Wait for her to tell you. She is not ready to share. Suck it up.
Do you have any idea why she didn’t told you?
No you shouldn’t tell her and don’t ever read it again. It’s truly a huge betrayal that you looked. Those are her most private thoughts. And this is going to be the truth the vast majority of the time when men read women’s journals thinking about possible cheating. Reality is, it won’t have anything to do with you or your relationship. Her life isn’t solely about you nor should it be. So you will have committed the betrayal for nothing.
Also, this is how some people work through pain, by themselves initially. So also respect that and she may tell you about it in time.
Wife probably left the journal on purpose, knowing you and those grubby little fingers would rifle through it.
Sorry, don’t believe it. If you had said “today would have been” almost anything else, sure. But steps are a whole weird thing that can be super early, super late. My dad even brought me to do the doctor because he thought there might be something wrong with me, not walking. There’s no set rule or date for when a kid would be walking, and a normal person knows that. This is AI.
That’s an AI story for sure