I’m 31, male and have autism as well as OCD and GAD as well as a “mood disorder” that my shrink refuses to officially call depression despite telling me that I’m depressed. I work fulltime stocking supplies at the local hospital. I was born and raised in the Midwestern United States. Every since I was 5 and my sister died, my mom abandoned her other kids and decided alcohol was important than raising us. I’ve been medicated since I was 5 because my parents had me by mistake and didn’t want to deal with another active toddler so they had me put on adhd medications just like every other active toddler in the late 1990s early 2000s when adhd diagnosis were given for every child. I had a rough childhood but found peace in my “obsessions” some of which I still possess this day. When I was 10, I saw Master and Commander and instantly became obsessed and fascinating by the age of sail and Lord Nelson. I to this day idolize this guy because he was so small like me (same height actually 5’4″ I’m such a short guy) and gave everything for his country including his arm, eye and life. I’d try dressing up as him for Halloween until I became obsessed with WW2 and would always dress up as a GI. Then it was Iceland, and i was obsessed with everything Icelandic and tried learning Icelandic. I’ve never had a girlfriend in my life, never even kissed a girl. I lost my virginity once and it wasn’t a pleasant experience at all. Finances are something I’m awful at. I’m $22k in credit card debt, and yes I’m paying it down but I strongly suspect I’ll be dead before it’s paid off. Everyday is a struggle for me mentally. My thoughts are always racing, I have my obsessions and I talk to my stuffed animals and even hug them after a bad day. I have maybe 4 good friends, one of which I love more than a friend and she wants nothing to do with me. My childhood dream was to visit the UK, Portsmouth to be exact to visit the HMS Victory… Lord Nelsons ship but seeing how everyone hates Americans on reddit and even more so in person, I’m afraid to even travel outside of the country. I hate Trump, I voted for Kamala and yet foreigners still say I’m just as guilty as a Trump supporter and they hate me just as much. I see no reason to keep living. I work a dead end job, I have no skills, no talent, I’m short and ugly as hell and honestly never should of been born in the first place. I love my dad but he’ll never admit I was born as a mistake, my older sister told me my parents were in their 40s and honestly didn’t think my mom would get pregnant.