I’ve struggled very deeply with mental health issues throughout my life, and I’ve had constant thoughts of taking my own life. This has caused me to spend lots of time reading about sicide, reading stories and sicide notes.
Things kinda came to a head when a Tumblr mutual of mine took her own life at the age of 18. Her name was Alice, and she loved music, especially The Smiths. I didn’t know her well enough to help her, but it affected me a lot. I started a habit of sending her asks on her Tumblr page. I started sending her positive things and regular updates, asking her how she’s doing and giving her music recommendations. Just lighthearted conversations that I know she won’t ever respond to.
I guess I just want to make sure she’s always remembered. I want her to know there’s someone on earth who thinks of her. I hope in some way, she’s able to see my messages and that they bring her a little joy.
Before I knew it, I started doing it more to other profiles I found. I browsed through r slash deadredditors and messaged some of the users. It’s all lighthearted stuff. Just letting them know someone is thinking about them and that I hope they finally feel peace and safety that they never felt in life.
It’s kinda turned into a whole operation. I send messages here and there to any profiles I find. Sometimes I message the same one multiple times, giving them little updates on how things are going on earth.
Am I weird for doing this? Besides Alice I didn’t know any of these people while they were alive. I guess it’s just that s*icide really hits me hard because I know what it’s like to feel so low. I don’t want to cross any boundaries or make people uncomfortable. I just want these people to feel loved and remembered.
Comments
I think this is beautiful.
No. This is very sweet and kind of you to do. I wish you well and I hope things get better for you
This is so beautiful, thoughtful and kind. What a lovely soul you have. Sending you so much love and strength. Struggling with mental health is so hard. It can be so isolating. What a beautiful way to honor these people that had to leave before we were ready to lose them. Hoping you continue to find solace in doing this, OP.
This is incredibly heartwarming. You’re a good person
What a heartwarming thing to do. You aren’t weird for caring about others, even if they never get the chance to know it.
There’s nothing wrong with you at al. I do hope that you take care of yourself even if that just means seeing a therapist, you clearly have a lot of insight and I think you’d enjoy getting to talk with someone else about this 💖
This is an incredibly sweet thing for you to do. Anything that helps you cope with your own suicidal thoughts is a good thing. I think it’s really beautiful that you choose to call into the void for these people, it’s like you’re reminding them that they mattered even when they didn’t know that they did at the time.
You’re a really lovely soul, friend.
I imagine this has a positive effect on you in many ways, especially if all those messages are positive, reinforcing those positive ideas in your mind.
i smiled reading this post. It’s bittersweet but heartwarming. Thank you for doing this.