When I was about 12 years old, a boy dmed me on instagram. He claimed to be 17, but I have no way of knowing if this was true. We talked for a little bit and then after maybe an hour or less he asked me to send inappropriate pictures of myself. I had never done this before, but I did it, probably after not much convincing. After this, we had a kind of “relationship” where we would send pics back and forth. This lasted for about a few months.
This is where it gets a little complicated. After first sending to him, I looked for more men to do this with. I don’t remember how it started but I found ways to get more men to dm me. I didn’t ask for ages but they were usually clearly a lot older than me. We would send some pics back and forth and then I’d block them. Sometimes I would tell myself I was done doing it, but if another guy dmed me I would accept. I didn’t really care for the pictures I got back, I think I mostly just wanted attention or something. There was only a few times I can remember being uncomfortable and/or feeling forced.
I’m not really sure if this can be classified as grooming, since it was so many men (if I had to guess I would say I did this with about 40 men) and I didn’t have to really be “groomed” into doing what I did. I went looking for it and I have always felt disgusting for what I did. I feel so so alone because I’ve never seen anyone else have a similar experience to me. Also because I don’t want to tell anyone in my life because I’m scared they’ll judge me, not that I have many people to tell.
Comments
Man. We all do stupid shit, I remember doing stupid shit as a kid especially when I just found out what the internet was,don’t let this drag you down, go live your life and don’t let this hold you back from your life and goals and living life to the way you want. It might be hard but bury it man trust me it will take a weight off your shoulders and life
Could it be possible that growing up, you weren’t getting attention from authority figures or peers? Oftentimes, when you’ve gotten groomed, it doesn’t feel as if you were groomed. I believe you have experienced grooming in multiple instances (such as the 17yr old, your introduction to this). Older men claiming a target and deciding to prey off of your innocence, ignorance and need for acceptance of some sort, as children often want to have, since they are children.
Istg, pedophiles can smell an emotionally neglected child from miles away. I know how much it feels it’s your fault, but it’s not.
[deleted]
Luckily for you. If these pics are found they’ll be automatically deleted by the authorities. Adults doing this shit don’t have that “privilege”.
I’m usually very strongly against people doing this shit. But since u were 12, I don’t think it’d be morally correct to shift blame to you.
Forgive yourself and take comfort in the fact that these likely can’t be easily accessed due to it being CP.
something similar happened to me too!! i was 10 when i sent my first explicit pic to a grown man (he was 30+), and i remember he would always tell me very icky stuff :•// after that i kind of spiraled down and started sending pics to more people…
tbh i think i was too young to fully understand what i was doing, but i guess i liked the attention these men were giving me because i didnt get any from my family :•(
OP, dont be too hard on yourself, you’re not alone🩷🩷
Haven’t we all?