I created this account to post this. As we all do, I’ve used Reddit in the past for issues but never actually made an account.
I really need some good advice on how to go about this, anything is appreciated. And please, if you’re going to be overly judgmental of me, please just keep it to yourself. I’m already ashamed enough, even though so many people do it and it’s not something to be so ashamed of. Anyway.
I (20f) started taking to this guy (22m) via a dating app a few days ago. Things seemed super chill at first, and he lives very far away anyway, so I knew nothing serious would come of it. We talked about our similar interests, he seemed super sweet, and he asked for my number last night. I said I don’t usually do that and I’d give him my Instagram, but he said he didn’t have an active account. I gave in and sent my number. That was the first bad-gut-feeling I had, but I was bored and did it anyway.
I’d also like to add, I’ve never even been on a date, never kissed, virgin, none of it, so I tend to ride the high of new dating app matches pretty hard, even though they’ve never actually lead to anything, unfortunately.
Anyway. We start talking about interests again and work, he called me pretty randomly, and I thanked him (because unfortunately that does always get me) and out of NOWHERE he hits me with the “wanna see my body?” texts. We legit were not even being flirty beforehand. It went from 0-100 SO fast. I got annoyed and after a minute of contemplation and talking to my best friend, I blocked him, on both the dating app and his number. I was proud of myself for doing that actually, because usually I wouldn’t have the balls to do so. I even told my friend that if this had happened about four hours earlier, my dumbass would have seen where it went, just for fun.
This is where it went downhill.
About 45 minutes later, I started thinking “well, this COULD be fun.” It was clear that he only wanted me for one thing, and I thought, well, maybe I only want him for one thing! So what? So many people do it and I don’t, so let’s try something new, right? God.
I unblocked him. Sent him the flirty “sureee” texts, and used the excuse that it took so long because I fell asleep. I figured, if he saw through my clear bullshit, I’d just block him again, outta sight outta mind. I hate the way I sound even typing this, this does not feel like me, but that tracks with this whole story.
He responded this morning, saying that it was okay, and sent his shirtless photo. I realized what this was going to be, and thought, fuck it, let’s just have fun. I sent a photo of me in my bra and shorts in response, and his flirty messages started. I was weary, but thought to myself, “please just let go for once and do what everyone else does all the time.” I told him that I had to work late, but if he wanted to ~text~ later tonight, I’d be down. I was both nervous and excited. I got home, took a bunch of pictures (that I really liked just for myself, honestly), before showering, and we started sexting. I offered to send first (which I cannot believe I did), and just sent him a pic in my bra. Then the ones of my boobs fully out. They wouldn’t go through, so he asked for my Snapchat, which I IMMEDIATELY felt disgust over (got some trauma with that app that has nothing to do with this kinda thing whatsoever). But again, I reluctantly obliged. At this point, I don’t know why I didn’t just ghost and get it over with. But I guess I was still wanting something at the moment. I sent them on there, and he immediately started asking for more specific requests.
I did, however, make it clear to him in the beginning that I wouldn’t send anything lower than my boobs, because I’ve only ever sexted or sent nudes once, and that was earlier this year, and it made me uncomfortable sending anything else. That time left me feeling used and worthless, and I showed him more of me than he EVER needed to see. For some reason, in my horned-brain, I forgot just HOW ashamed and guilty I felt after that. Back to the current issue, though.
He started asking for more specific requests. Wanting to see more of my face, specifically. All of the videos and photos, he wanted to see my face. The thing is, I’ve read so many Reddit posts of people asking advice on these kinda of situations, however they have ALL been smart enough to not show their face. Even I know not to do that, yet I did it anyway. He saved them to the chat, as expected, and I’m sure he has them in his phone as well.
I also periodically asked him for some, because I was NOT going to be the only one sending anything. He sent a couple pictures and videos, but nothing like what I did. In hindsight, I could’ve been more specific with what I told him and made it fair game, but I wasn’t in a good headspace to actually think, and was starting to get that feeling of guilt, regret, fear, and disgust I had felt the only other time I’ve done this. I was shaking the whole time, as I always do when highly anxious. I asked him if we could just text, as I wasn’t feeling up to send anything else, and thankfully he was sweet about it. We dirty-texted for a little bit, and now he’s asleep. It’s 2 am and I feel fucking disgusting.
I don’t know what will come of this tomorrow, but right now, even just writing this out is making me feel a weight off my chest, I’m still so anxious and guilty. I hate that I just did so much for a man who I don’t even know, all in the name of wanting to feel like a “normal” person my age. I don’t drink, smoke, party, I don’t even go out other than for concerts, which I’m not even social at. All I do is work. I have friends, and they’re all like me, which is great, but I still can’t help but feel so isolated from others my age. I guess I just wanted to be risqué and show someone how confident I felt in my body in the moment, but it made me feel so much worse. I guess I thought it would be different from the first time because that time, I really fell for that guy and was severely lovebombed by him. I felt fully used and things were never the same after that. This time, I knew exactly what he wanted, what I wanted, and did not care about romantic feelings. I wanted to know what that felt like.
Now, my fear is this: I do not know this man. I do not know what he will do with those videos and pictures. Again, I was truly stupid and had my face in nearly all of them, so if it gets out, it’s clearly me. I’m ashamed, I’m disgusted, I’m scared. He doesn’t seem that type of guy at all, however I know that means nothing. He also didn’t seem the type of guy to go from talking about a band to immediately asking if I wanted to see him naked. Realistically, I don’t actually see that happening, but my anxiety always rules everything and I can’t get the thought out of my head. I already established with myself that this wasn’t going to be a long-running thing anyway. But now I’m scared that when I do eventually cut him off (which truly needs to happen), he’s going to get angry and pull some revenge p*rn shit. Again, I don’t actually see it happening, but it scares me so bad.
I guess I’m just looking for advice on dealing with this mentally, and how I should go about the situation with him. I don’t know what I’m doing, genuinely. I’m not this kind of person, and I hate that I’m even typing this right now. Anyone who has been in the same situation, please tell me how you went about it and what helped you through it, I’d GREATLY appreciate it.
Comments
Have you talked about this with anyone?
Don’t beat urself up too hard. What matters now is how u protect urself and move forward. Tbh you don’t owe him anything else. it’s time to step back. you don’t have to explain, justify. block him if that’s what feels safest. Also, learn from it.
Accept the L and take the long road to feeling good again
You doxed your face, my guy. Just… just move on? Literally nothing better you can do besides continue your life as it was.
Do end things on a decent note if you’re especially worried, no need to give him reason to be a dickhead with the photos.
First off please breathe. You did something brave already. You blocked him the first time. That shows you can set boundaries. If the anxiety is crushing you, you can block him again and move on. No explanations owed. Don’t torture yourself for being human. Cut contact if it helps your peace, protect yourself if needed, and let this be a lesson not a life sentence.
you made a mistake and that happens. you learned a boundary that you need to have for yourself to be happy and you found a line that you dont want to cross at least in the near future. there is nothing to feel guilty over because you didnt hurt anyone but yourself here but I do understand that you feel gross about it all. from now on if someone is asking you to do something beyond what you are comfortable with that probably isnt a person you should be talking to.
pls take some time to take a step back from your phone-breathe, everything is going to be okay.
you’ve acknowledged you made a mistake. you’re human; you took the best step to be reflective. I think that’s brave, I’m proud of you.
What you can do in the moment now is forgive yourself; I know it will be difficult.
You’ve blocked him. Cut ties. Out of sight of mind.
Have you or will you be willing to talk to someone you trust about this? Maybe not yet, whenever you’re ready and willing to that is
Accept and moved on, sometimes mistakes happen to be a lesson
You can try the honest approach – just text him how this situation makes you feel, it could lead to more understanding on his part. Is there even a slightest chance to meet him in person? It’s much easier for you to recognize what kind of person he is. Also if you ask him to delete the pictures, you can be more sure he’d do it in person. And who knows, maybe it could lead to something more…
You said too many times that you are not like that, that you don’t do things like this. Just own it. You are. Human sexuality is natural and if your surroundings shame you into thinking it’s dirty, maybe it’s time for you to start discovering yourself on your own. People have needs and you clearly don’t have your needs met. Sending nudes to a random men on internet is always risky and in your case it’s just a product of your sexual dissatisfaction. I know. I did it too.
I’m sorry that you are feeling this way and fear that your trust will be taken for granted, but I wouldn’t stress on it too much.
Revenge Prn is illegal, and if it ever happened, they would face ramifications. But also, I didn’t see anything that you typed that would warrant revenge for anything. It’s also very unlikely that they have enough information on you to tie those pictures directly to you in a way that would have any consequences in your everyday life.
And I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but should your personal photos ever make it public, so what? Nobody is going to care. Nobody is going to judge you (nobody that matters anyway.) Everyone’s been naked, everyone’s seen what naked people look like, and a lot of people have been seen naked by other people. A violation of someone’s trust says more about the person that leaked them than it does about you, and any right minded adult would not want to look at something that you wished to keep private. The judgement would fall on the person that betrayed your trust, not you. I personally have never been shy and have never worried about anyone seeing me naked. I’ve sent plenty of nudes in my life and although it’s very unlikely that anyone would ever care enough to leak them, there’s always the possibility. My attitude is that I have nothing to be ashamed of. I’ve done what I’ve done and if anyone ever saw it, congrats. Enjoy the show. The only thing you have to fear about anyone leaking your nudes is if you would feel embarrassed or ashamed. You have the power to remove those fears from your mind.
Take it as a lesson and only share those things with people that you trust from now on, but don’t let it rule over you. Don’t show your face anymore, especially to people that you don’t know. But You’d be hard pressed to find adults that HAVENT sent nudes or have had people see them naked these days. There’s 8 billion people in the world. It’s very unlikely that anyone leaking your nudes would make front page news.
Take a breath and relax. You’ll be fine.
Once you share nudes with one, you may have shared them with all.
Guy share them with other guys and may even sell them. It’s beyond shame or guilt. These nudes may even pop up at at weddings. Or at job interviews. You can ask him to delete them, but he didn’t get them to delete them. In fact he may have talked to you just to get them. Matbe he will keep them for his own masterbation purposes and not share them. Let this be a cautionary tale. Don’t make or share nudes.
Vast majority of sexually active people have sent nudes at some point and regretted it I’d say. Just learn from your mistake. You’ll be alright.
Be prepared for this to be a scam,
This is often a blackmail scam if this happens just block and ignore them nothing will come of it. DO NOT PAY, as it won’t stop.
And please don’t do this again as a father and a man I would never be interested in a woman that sends nudes