I feel like a mess and needed to get this off my chest.
My boyfriend is a professional ballet dancer, and when we go clubbing with his friends, things sometimes get kind of sexual—kissing in trios, hands in pants, the whole deal. I wasn’t really okay with it, but I’ve been going along with it. He once exchanged IGs with one of the guys we hooked up with. That already made me feel weird.
Last night, I saw that guy liked one of my boyfriend’s messages on Instagram in the last few hours. But their last visible convo was from Thursday, and that like definitely wasn’t there before. I spiraled. I imagined deleted messages, nudes, sexting. I couldn’t let it go.
While he was in the shower, I snooped. I know that’s a violation of trust. But I didn’t find anything. Still, I confronted him. He got upset, said he had no idea why the like was new, and showed me the messages again.
Now I feel guilty and suspicious at the same time. Like I betrayed him, and also like maybe something did happen and he covered it up. I don’t know. I feel stupid, insecure, and kind of broken. I hate that I might’ve messed up something good—but I also hate this gut feeling that’s still nagging at me.
Just needed to say it somewhere.
Comments
I’m guessing you’re a gay man? If a man did something sexual with your man and he’s texting him that’s really sus even if you didn’t find anything.
If you’re not comfortable with the group sexual touching while out at clubs, then that’s something you need to address with him. You have 0 trust when it comes to his fidelity now, and ignoring your discomfort is how you ended up in this situation. His trust in you is also completely destroyed because you snooped in his phone.
He sounds quite promiscuous and you are not fine with that behavior. If you haven’t spoken about both of your expectations and boundaries in your relationship, it’s high time to do that. If you feel in any way afraid to discuss your wants, then tour relationship isn’t on equal terms and not built on trust. You can’t fight your way into a solution. That’s not possible. Perhaps you are not right for each other at this time in your lives?
Can’t be good if you felt the need to snoop through his phone. End it now. Wasting time with the wrong one is only preventing you from your true love.