This might sound ungrateful but I’ve begun to really detest being called “cute.” It sounds like a compliment, and maybe it is, but it feels like the combination of being short, female, and Asian (see: the submissive Asian woman stereotype) means I’ll be infantilized until I’m my mother’s age.
This is a small example, but the other day I was making dinner in the kitchen. My roommate/friend was there, so I asked if they could get something from one of the top cabinets for me, since they’re much taller and can easily reach the shelf. They smiled and said I was “cute,” patted my head as if I’m in kindergarten, and finally got the rice for me. I’ve been stewing over this for a few days and realizing how uncomfortable it made me feel. This friend often calls me “cute,” and points out how short and small I am (I’m 5’2″/157 cm, about average weight). They’ve also “pet” me like this before. I’m sure these are meant to be gestures of affection because we are quite close, but I’m realizing that when they do things like this it makes me feel like a goddamn dog, or a child; like I’m not a grownass woman with a job who pays rent and is living independently. I think being seen as some adorable little creature whose attempts to reach the top shelf are sooooo cute is genuinely digging out some kind of bitter resentment in me. I regret not saying anything in the moment – It always takes me time to process my emotions and truly understand my feelings, because I’m so used to pushing down my own discomfort.
I admit that I have a bit of a complex when it comes to this, which is why it’s very difficult for me to not immediately balk at the word “cute” when I know it’s supposed to be a compliment. It’s just so fucking patronizing. I feel like I’ve never been treated with respect my entire life. People have laughed off my concerns and even likened me to an “angry chihuahua” when I’ve been upset in the past. My emotions are treated like a joke because I’m not imposing enough to be taken seriously. I do not feel like my ideas or intelligence are ever taken seriously either because I look younger than my age (25) and so I’m treated like a child. I’m also a fiercely independent person, and being, frankly, a short, weak person often upsets me in general. It pisses me off that no matter how hard I try, most people (including other women) would be able to overpower and hurt me if they wanted to.
I truly detest the helplessness of being a small, “cute” person. I hate knowing there are very few things I could do to defend myself if someone were to try to hurt me. I hate knowing that some people view me as a cute little Asian waifu and treat me accordingly. And before someone suggests that I do xyz to look more “mature”: I wouldn’t want to change anything about my appearance if it wasn’t for other people. I just want to be treated like the grown adult I am, the way I am.