It started off as a dumb “trust challenge” kinda thing. We were just chilling and talking about how couples always say they have “nothing to hide.” So I was like, “Alright, let’s prove it — switch phones for 24 hours, no deleting, no snooping, just live with it.”
She laughed. Said “sure.” Gave me her phone, I gave her mine. All cool, right?
Bro… not even 3 hours in and she starts acting weird. Like jumpy. Kept asking what I was doing on the phone, if I checked her socials, her messages. I said nah, just chilling, watching TikToks.
Then she goes quiet. 15 minutes later she’s like, “Hey… can we cancel the challenge?” I thought she was joking.
She wasn’t.
She looked stressed. Like genuinely scared. Said she’s “not in the right headspace for this” and that it’s giving her anxiety. I handed it back without saying a word.
She cried.
I never even opened her texts. Didn’t need to.
Shit changed after that. Still trying to figure out if I’m overreacting or if my gut just got confirmation without even needing proof.
Comments
Prob just addiction to notifications and chatting with friends?
If she is cheating she wouldn’t have done the challenge something else or she addicted to it
The challenge in itself is quite idiotic as you pointed out yourself. I’m not saying defend her or support her behaviour, just that the idea of not having my phone for one day but instead getting all the unwanted notifications of strangers while not being able to reply to my friends or anything just doesn’t make sense to me.
Phone addiction… she is missing talking to friends or scrolling whatever app she is into…
People get anxiety over loads of stuff, so I don’t think it’s absolutely her hiding something or being addicted to texting or social media. If you don’t trust her, then that’s an entirely separate thing that you should address. But if this is the only thing that’s ever seemed off, I’d give her the benefit of the doubt and a little grace.
I don’t think she would’ve handed it over like that if she was genuinely cheating. Is she on her phone for a prolonged amount of time daily? She may be severely addicted – as most of us are (though crying seems a bit excessive). You should probably have a talk with her and if you’re still not satisfied think on it for a while because there’s clearly a lack of trust going on.
Ummm I would get super stressed if I didn’t have my phone. Nothing to do with cheating, but it’s like trading diaries…if your diary also had the Tetris game you use to calm anxiety, and your calendar with all your appts on it, and your Reddit account you don’t share with anyone…
Fuck, I’m gonna have to go play Tetris just thinking about this shit
This is an anxiety inducing exercise to begin with. I wouldn’t read too much into her reaction. If you trust each other, talk about it, don’t play stupid head games.
I look up some gnarly things on my phone. And we all kinda have dirty secrets. Not bad against partner secrets but what if you had a fetish and you never told a soul. This would be my issue lmao. She’s was good to do it in the beginning so that’s good faith. The only thing that sets it negatively is asking if you were checking her socials or messages. I would be more worried about my search history. Could give a shit less about socials or messages.
Also would like to add, our phones are slot machines. We are all addicted. Depending on your gf, put thought into that road too. Only you know her and her traits.
i would say its more so addiction to texting friends and her phone rather than cheating she would never have agreed in the first place.
Major red flag imo, not sure how anyone is defending her actions here because those are also red flags, if you can’t be without your phone for three hours… idk my personal thought is she was worried someone would message her phone that she didn’t want you seeing the notification of. May not be cheating but definitely a situation that would make me re-evaluate.
Ehhh… I don’t play these sort of games and tests in my relationship. I have never cheated on anyone and my phone is “clean” in that regard, for lack of a better word, but I would feel uncomfortable with my partner having unfettered access to it. My phone is a private space. I have note apps filled diary entries, pictures and screenshots of more private matters I might not want someone looking at, access to my bank accounts and other accounts…..
I wouldn’t be down for this sort of test or game. It’s honestly sort of a red flag on you OP for suggesting it.
Yeah, I like my own phone, my own mobile game progress, my own bookmarks. This would super stress me out!
To be honest I think the challenge is awful. Not because she could be cheating but because everyone is used to their phones with their apps and algorithms.
Red flag . Y’all saying it’s a “phone addiction “ but she had a phone to use . She could’ve logged into all her socials on his phone and contacted whoever she needed by sending texts
She had a phone to use , she just wanted hers in case something came up . Why would she ask if he went through her messages and apps yet if she wasn’t worried ?
You should’ve checked before giving it back if your gut told you too .
She just wants to use her phone. It’s not that deep. If she was hiding something, she wouldn’t have given it to you right away
I’m a faithful boyfriend, but I wouldn’t give my girlfriend my phone. I just don’t like someone else having access to my personal property and everything. I have nothing to hide, I just don’t like it
True trust is having each other’s passwords and never having a reason to use it.
My phone has all my bank info, personal documents, photos and it’s even the key to my car.
The amount of people on this thread defending her by saying “err if I didn’t have my phone for a day I would freak out too”. How fucking old are you like 10? All of you seriously can’t live without your phone for a day? Just one day? There’s something seriously wrong with you if that is the case and I feel sorry for you. Your life must be so shit if you need a phone in order to not freak out.
I personally wouldn’t do this challenge if my wife asked me to do it. Mainly to not annoy the fuck out of my wife- the business that I own is constantly making my phone go off. Emails, texts, calls, all the rest of it would probably drive her batshit insane. I’ve just dealt with it for so long I’m used to it.
There are a bunch of reasons that aren’t nefarious, my man. I wouldn’t worry too much about it unless there were eyebrow raising moments.
Maybe the FYP on your phone’s tiktok was so bad she couldn’t stand it lol
Some people are just very attached to their phones, I know I am.
I have nothing bad on it, but I still get twitchy if someone else has it for too long
I wouldn’t agree to this and it would have nothing to do with having anything to hide. Someone else using my phone for 24 hours would absolutely ruin my preferences on my favorite apps! My husband and I have completely different tastes in content. He already jokes that the shorts I send him ruin his suggestions. lol
Edit: ALSO! He’s on an iPhone and I’m android. The longer I think about it, the more of a first world disaster it’d be!
I have absolutely nothing to hide from anyone. I get highly stressed when someone else has my phone in their hands. I have no idea why. It’s almost like a full-on panic attack.
I personally don’t agree with the “she wouldn’t have given you the phone if she were cheating” narrative. There could be many reasons that she still would’ve given the phone, some including the same reasons people are mentioning in the opposite regard. If things aren’t the same, then you’re only wasting both of your time. Sit down and have a real conversation with her and explain how you’re feeling. Don’t hold anything back! If you’re still uncomfortable after the talk, then leave
She’s obviously hiding something. Who tf acts like that???
My guts was right a lot of the time in the past. I am learning to trust my instincts. This would be a game breaker for me.
There’s an Indian movie with this concept called Love Today
There’s absolutely no scenario where I this “challenge” is healthy. If she was cheating she never would have agreed to it. Probably realized she had discussed some private things with friends she didn’t want you to see, and that’s okay. She’s allowed to talk to her friends about your relationship and you, and not all those things are for your eyes.
I have a Nokia brick that’s 25+ years old which I have to carefully type the ‘clink link to respond’ text into a browser, I think the camera is VGA and the dictionary for text I have trained to speak my strange wording, I doubt anyone would want to swap for it one of these new fangled singing and dancing cells, if they did I’d have it returned pretty quickly.
She was anxious over your activity on her phone, specifically her DMs and socials?? Super sus
… been through something like this recently. I can’t stress this enough…
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS — BUT RESIST IMPULSIVE / RIGHTEOUS URGES
Have an intentional convo and be prepared for things to go sideways. So maybe have the convo after a meal, with snacks and non-alcoholic beverages and maybe some Lo-fi music
The high road isn’t always the easy road, but it’s always the better road
Good luck
Edit: a word
I wouldn’t be okay with my messages with my friends being gone through. I personally don’t have anything to hide but they send some things I’m sure they don’t want anyone else to see
Very obvious answer here. I don’t understand the seeking validation from strangers component. Everything else in your life when you realize how to handle it you just handle it. You know what your answer is but hoping one of us can change your mind lol. The right thing ain’t always easy
Try the mature thing, talk to her
IDK man. My boyfriend and I have each other’s passwords for our phones for emergency sake, like I could pick his phone up and look through it any time I wanted to and vice versa.
I still wouldn’t want to switch phones for 24 hours. He’s got an android and I have an iPhone so…
Also his phone goes off way more than mine does because he’s in two group texts that never shut up.
I feel like switching phones is about as comfortable as switching toothbrushes.
Maybe her tik tok algorithm has something embarrassing and she doesn’t want you to know. Or she talks about you with her friends and doesn’t want you getting the wrong idea. Sometimes girls just gotta vent dating frustrations, and it’s harmless, but if you read it you’d probably feel hurt
Phone addiction is a serious mental health condition effecting all of us.
She is cheating and got scared because she remembered that the evidence is on her phone.
She is 99% cheating. Everyone is saying that if she was cheating she wouldn’t have accepted but I disagree. Some people don’t know how to act when they are caught off guard so she just accepted willingly and now she’s stressed out that she’ll be caught. If it’s not cheating, then definitely she entertained someone or spoke badly about you.
People keep saying addiction. No. She is hiding something. That is why she asked if he was checking her socials and looking through her messages. She might not be cheating but this is not a simple phone addiction.
She probably just remembered she said something about you she didn’t want you seeing. You’ve likely done the same-even if it wasn’t particularly rude, you still want your privacy and to vent.
Question:
Why are You with Someone and “Testing Their Trust.”? What kind of psychological mind fuck games are You trying to put each other through and Why?
I accidentally left My phone home the other day. I had to really talk Myself down from having a Panic Attack, and I have nothing to hide.
Bro all the confirmation is right in front of you not even in your gut.
Even just suggesting this weird little “challenge” means you didn’t trust her to begin with. If you’re looking for a problem or a way to make yourself the victim, then you’ll either find one or you’ll make something out of nothing.
I’m assuming you would’ve mentioned a history of her cheating and you haven’t. So if you’re doing things like this (unprovoked) then you’re not mature enough or emotionally healthy enough to be in a relationship.
A lot of things to unwrap here:
GF clearly has something to hide and since she was scared you might find it, it was worth it you finding it. Could be cheating, could be badmouthing and making you the butt of the joke with her friends.
GF being anxious clearly indicates that she herself was fully prepared to snoop through your texts and social media.
The challenge was silly, but the outcome was concerning. I don’t see a future with you guys.
Tbh man this sounds more like an anxiety issue than a cheating issue.
Yeah I don’t think she cheat just really addicted to her phone
My boyfriend and I both trust each other very much but are both super guarded abt our phones. I’m a little more lenient and let him use it sometimes and he knows my password but still get anxious for no reason when he is on it. I have no clue why I get that way, maybe I’m afraid a friend will text me smth private, he will find something embarrassing from a long time ago, or something will be taken out of context, im not sure. Him on the other hand does not let me touch his phone and I don’t know his password but tbh I’m fine with it. He doesn’t mind me looking over his shoulder or anything and is like that with anyone who takes his phone. I know he doesn’t have anything to hide but I get being anxious abt whats on there.
For example one time I let my friend take my phone to look at a picture and she kept scrolling and found a picture of my poop 😭. (I have IBD and it was for my dr). Who knows what could be on there that is embarrassing and can cause anxiety. I love my boyfriend but there are still some things I’d rather he not see and I’m sure the same applies for him.
Lol blind man decided not to see but everything was right in his face. Bro she definitely looked at your messages and everything seeing if you were like her
Assuming you’re a man but feel free to correct me if I’m wrong. From another man’s POV, I would never be able to get past how she acted. Obvious red flag behavior.
It’s interesting to see how many people will go to extreme measures to justify how she acted. If a man acted shady like she did the comments would be full of “red flags, suspicious behavior, leave him, for sure cheating” etc.
Also, the fact that she was constantly paranoid about what you were doing on her phone (going through socials, texts, etc.) means that she almost definitely did look through yours and is projecting.
She realized u were calling her on her bluff lol, then the regret started sinking in. Sus
One of two possibilities are at play here:
She is cheating on you.
She is addicted to her phone.
Either way, I would break up with her.
I’m going with the masses here – she definitely has a phone addiction.
She just remembered that one thing.
I mean, it sounds like she remembered she has some flirty/cheaty messages/pix with/from others from months/years ago in your relationship that she still has on her phone.
Could be what others are saying about addiction to her phone. That would explain her being fine with it at first but changing her mind later.
Could also be that she deletes any trace of cheating after viewing but was afraid of something else. Like the fear that she missed something when she was deleting, or the fear that whoever she’s cheating with could message at any time?
Best bet is to just sit down with her without accusations and discuss why she acted that way. If you still can’t trust that, then move on. If you can’t trust her, then you shouldn’t be with her.
Me and my bf have the same model iphone in the same case and sometimes when his phone dies i offer mine up to play on but its not the same and he doesn’t take me up on my offer. His apps are on the homescreen in his special order and mine are all in the app library. Different socials, different layout, different games. I have nothing to hide and can’t imagine switching phones for 24 hours. Too inconvenient.
I dont think you have anything to worry about.. If she did that challange and lasted for that long, she doesnt have anything to hide IMO.
she’s cheating.
I have never cheated and I get anxious when my husband borrows my phone. Like idk what weird embarrassing thing I’ve recently googled. I’m an anxious human and I’m scared of judgement. And he’s not going to judge me but I grew feeling like I’d get in trouble over anything and everything, and my parents would go through my social media and read my messages with my friends and then I’d get in trouble for talking about the most innocent things. So it’s just something that gives me a ton of anxiety, even though I know for a fact he is not judging or getting mad about anything.
Crying? No. IDC what these tools say; something is up, my guy.
She’s not cheating she’s just addicted to her phone and probably didn’t realize it up until y’all did this. No one actively cheating would have done that shit in the first place.
It couldn’t have been that bad if she did it in the first place. But then maybe something crossed her mind like a dm you’d feel weird about.
I don’t see a bright side to it at all.
Cheating or addiction. She has a problem that needs to be resolved.
I honestly didn’t take this as cheating. My partner and I have access to each other’s everything and willingly give each other our phones from time to time whenever needed. That said, I still wouldn’t be too comfortable with him having it for a full day.
I’ve vented abt a lot of things to my friends and I don’t want him taking things I said when I was emotionally going through it like that. Y’know, because I was venting. Some conversations were private between me and my girls about their lives, and I don’t want him reading incredibly personal things about my friends without their knowledge. He has no right to the venting they shared with just me.
Or maybe she’s just addicted to her phone. Really, who isn’t these days lol.
Your not over reacting at all
I couldn’t do this because I have different games.
People saying she might be addicted and she wouldn’t change phones. She could have easily forgotten to delete something or hid something that with enough time can be found
I’d be quite concerned tbh. If your gut feeling is telling you something is up I would listen, redditors don’t know the the full sgory
My guess is she may have realized there’s at least a few things on there that aren’t necessarily cheating but could be hurtful to her boyfriend. I mean, i have definitely ranted to my friends about stuff my husband does to piss me off and it’s nothing I’d want him reading. I really wouldn’t guess cheating here.
Dude, i don’t like going over the phone of other person but, at this point, you should probably just checked yourself. Now you will keep thinking about every possible thing scenario and won’t have an answer for that.
Either don’t play these games or go all-in. If you check her smartphone now and don’t thing anything, you will think she deleted that. If you don’t check, you will keep replaying in yout head her anxious behavior and her emotional response. I don’t know, it seems you two are going to reach a rough patch in your relationship.
My approach to life is that I’d never say anything behind someone’s back that I’d not say to their face. Therefore I’d happily hand over my phone to a partner or friend.
I suspect she’s been slating him to her friends and worried he’d see her messages.
The thought of someone going through my gallery makes me EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE and anxious. What do I have there? Shit tons of silly videos and pic. I am talking about slow motion sword fighting video with my cousin who was eating caramel apple (we were both past 16 at the time). Me dancing to tons of songs. Reenactment of movie scenes . Pre shower make-up trial face shots. Poses with baby abs I gained (I posed like those crab looking bodybuilders). Me singing out loud on my hikes. Not to mention my baby pictures… I dived twice in my life to get my phone from two of my ex who scrolled past 🥹 You can check the whole phone, all the social apps but not my gallery bro.
Addiction to her specific feeds or maybe her friends talk shit and she got nervous.
Question. Would you be OK with someone reading your mind. I certainly wouldn’t. Phones are now highly intimate private speculations and thoughts. Maybe people shouldn’t ask questions they don’t want answers to.
Coming from someone that feels alot of anxiety when anyone touches their phone.
I can feel what she felt- whenever someone has my phone or even when my ex had it for 10 minutes even if tho i never cheated on him. I would get so anxious and want my phone back. I would feel so uneasy and just request him to hand me back my phone, it made him think i was cheating on him. But i reassured him and told him that i dont like anyone going through my phone or holding it. Even my parents or friends. Maybe shes not even cheating she just has the same issue that i have. You should talk to her first before jumping the gun.
Trust your instincts; don’t listen to Reddit.
This sounds much more like she was uncomfortable with the invasion of privacy than her having someone to hide. Everyone deserves their privacy. You should apologize to her for suggesting this in the first place. If you actually trust her, there’s no reason to do dumb shit like this.
She’s probably never been without her supply for very long. She’s just feeling the effects. Getting those “shit just got real” jitters that any addict would get. My bet is she’s not cheating, just feenin’.
If she was cheating she wouldn’t have switched phones at all.
Personally I would be jumpy to switch phones because the notes app for many women is a sacred thing. A lot of us write a diary in there and express our feelings and she may not have wanted you to see that.
She could also have a social media addiction or want to talk with her friends again
I don’t think this is necessarily as bad as you might be thinking.
I’d have anxiety over the Mrs having my phone, and it’s nothing to do with another girl or cheating – it’s as much about some of the shit people put in our group chats and stuff, or work messages coming through. I’d probably be on edge too 😂
Honestly, play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Playing games like this just creates problems. You should trust each other without the need for these dumb challenges
Really doubt cheating. Maybe she has some phone games or apps she checks into daily and she realized she’d break her streak (duolingo even), maybe she didn’t realize that she needed her 20 minute insta scrolling breaks to refocus, maybe she wanted to call a friend but didn’t remember their number, maybe she almost posted on your socials and felt weird and icky about the muscle memory and near mistake. Endless potential reasons.
I would not trade my phone with my partner, and I’m definitely not a cheater – but I check discord often, I am a reddit addict (clearly), I like to clean my email inbox multiple times a day so junk can’t accumulate and I don’t miss package deliveries, I have it marked on my phone calendar which weeks are recycle weeks (my city only collects recycling every other week), I don’t want my phones chrome tabs to be closed by accident, and I sometimes take photos to leave myself reminders (ie photo of label on an empty pill bottle so I know what to pick up at the store). A lot of us use our phones as extensions of ourselves, a foundation in our daily functioning, and a lot of that is autopilot – she would not realize the scale until not having her phone.
My phone is like my private time, I don’t care if my husband looks at it or what ever but if I’m bored I want my phone back… I watch TV on it and play games and social media.
You don’t need proof.
You don’t like the way she makes you feel. That’s proof enough.
I mean… why 24 hours? That would really annoy me as well. If you want to look through my phone do it, I’d be pissed but whatever I’ll put it in the back of my mind for now. But my phone is mine to be on throughout the day esp when i need to talk to friends and family, look things up, write notes etc. and everyone has a phone addiction nowadays
A meth addict and a heroin addict agree to trade drugs for a day…
Yeah that wouldn’t go well either.
I trust my husband 100% and I have nothing to hide. I would never do this challenge. My phone is mine.
Everybody has secrets and no if she was cheating she would have never agreed to hand over the phone. She probably started thinking about things you could see that she really wouldn’t like you to see and it started stressing her to the point she asked to cancel.
You are overreacting and not thinking what happened clearly this is probably the most natural reaction I could think of. I am not immature enough to accept a bet as stupid like this but if for some reason I did i would absolutely feel the same and start stressing over what you might have seen and how it might affect your perception of me every second.
People saying she isn’t cheating cuz she handed the phone, not true.
Reality is :
If it wasn’t serious she could’ve just waited for the challenge to conclude normally but she didnt.
This just smells like she was very confident you wouldn’t find anything, agreed, and then remembered something that wasn’t as hidden or ironclad as she thought, and she became nervous. She is hiding something, specifically from you. You’ll break up anyways, either because shes an addict, or because you can’t trust her, or cuz she could be cheating, the question is will you check the phone to be 100% sure before you do or not
Fake
I’m not cheating nor would I ever and I get anxiety without my phone with my husband holding it for less than a minute. Just saying, i guess I’m addicted lol.
All of that is just stupid
This challenge doesn’t even make sense… so you switch phones but promise not to snoop. But now neither one of you can talk to your friends or get your notifications.
You can’t even doom scroll on socials because you’ll both see content that isn’t yours and you might not care about. And you’ll mess up each others’ algorithms if you search for stuff you like…
Not to mention that even being in each other’s socials is snooping, even if you don’t mean to…
And what if important calls come through.
I’m gonna be honest. All these comments be saying “she’s addicted” I don’t buy it personally, she has your phone to use for her addiction. I cant imagine someone so addicted to specifically their own phone that they can only last 3 hours without it.
Plus what’s with all this anxiety about her messages?
I’m not trying to be the devils advocate here, but something is up. Full blown cheating is probably less likely, but I’d personally feel pretty uncomfortable myself after that with zero explanation, like not even a vague explanation? Wasn’t this exercise about trust?
Honestly, it just sounds like a poorly devised challenge that she realized sucked. I would get pretty sick of it within a few hours too. Also, I talk to people about shit my partner doesn’t need to see. Nothing bad, but sometimes it’s gift ideas, other people’s personal issues that aren’t his business, etc. Not everything is cheating.
This was a terrible fucking idea.
taking the phone and crying is the correct response to a grown man being on tiktok.
I don’t agree with the whole “if you don’t have access that means they’re cheating” mentality. I’m single AF. But I don’t let ANYONE touch my phone. Not because I have anything to hide, but because it feels invasive to me. My phone, my business. No one else.
She’s likely not cheating as she handed it over. However she certainly fears you seeing something even if she’s overthinking what you maybe could possibly find if you DID snoop. Which I get.
But she could also trust you aren’t snooping and fear an incoming text saying something you wouldn’t want to see, even if has nothing to do with cheating. She could be embarrassed of something her friends say. Not telling you of a friendship she has. Is worried about how her friends discuss her or you or anything. Worried they’ll admit something she’s going through she hasn’t told you yet. Just too much to speculate or assume tbh.
Who knows. I’d say talk about it. It could be innocent and overthinking. That would stress me out, ngl! But she’s definitely stuck on something specific she doesn’t want you to see. It’s not about not having her phone. It’s about you having it.
Taking a phone away from an adult is like taking a pacifier away from a baby. You can attempt it, but be prepared for the ensuing mental breakdown lol.
Not only are people addicted to their phones, but like others said, they are like our diaries.
I would be more worried about someone judging me based off my random Google searches or the stuff I screenshot and take pictures of. Even many of the apps we used are soo personalized based on stuff we look at.
Only my personal FBI agent is allowed to know these things.
If I’m ever in a situation where the other person feels the need to go through my phone, the relationship is already over. The trust is gone.
That’s a dumb challenge. My wife can look through my phone at any time. But I sure as hell don’t want her or anybody to have it for 24 hours.
People who are cheating don’t hand over their phones.
But depending on your age, there’s a phase of one’s life where constant back and forth in messaging and social media engagement of all kinds IS your entire identity. And I’d guess after a couple of hours, and being completely “cut off” from all of her communication… just got to her. At my age, I would be delighted if you took my phone, but when I was 22, even without the level of technology today, I’d have gone mad if you took my phone.
psychological torture won’t prove anything.
Idk I do the same thing when someone else has my phone, it’s not that I have something to hide but it just stresses me out and I get super anxious, but I also have OCD so I hate when people touch my stuff.
I’m not cheating on my husband and will never but I will be anxious to give my phone to my husband for a whole day. I don’t care if he read my messages because I have nothing to hide. However ..
My phone is pretty much what goes inside my brain. I google things, I research things and I read things. Good and bad. Sometimes I google things such as “signs of cancer” when I had a swollen lymph node, which is not terrible but I don’t want my husband to know everything that is going on in my head. Not bad, but it’s some things I just like to keep to myself.
You having so little trust for your girl that you have a gut feeling when she is uncomfortable about having no privacy may not actually be her problem.
https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/addiction/smartphone-addiction
What cheater would let you have access to their phone for even 5 mins?
3 hours is a LONG time if she is cheating.. she wouldn’t have done it at all. Its the same as when a cop is driving behind you on the interstate. You know you did nothing wrong, but God dammit is it not nerve-wracking.