Using a burner account for obvious reasons. While on my stag do, my brother-in-law to be (my fiancée’s sister’s husband) visited a brothel. One of my other trusted friends who doesn’t know my BIL, was dragged along by him but waited outside, and he was the one who told me. He doesn’t know any specifics of what happened, but my BIL said he “needed to scratch an itch”, took cash out of the ATM and went inside for an hour, and later told my friend not to tell anyone.
My sister in law (his wife) is currently pregnant with their first child. I’m worried than telling her will end catastrophically given the pregnancy etc and the wider family. However, I also feel that what happened is objectively wrong, and feel that she deserves to know the truth. Less importantly I would find it very difficult to sit with this information and it will obviously impact our upcoming wedding (absolutely not the most important thing I realise!)
Should I tell her, or alternatively tell him I know and give him an ultimatum? Alternatively I do nothing as I don’t know the specifics of what happened, and don’t want to break up their family.
I also want to tell my fiancée but feel I should speak to him/her first/have made the decision to.
Any thoughts would be really helpful, thanks everyone.
Edit for more information: my friend has a picture outside the brothel, so I know they were there.
Comments
What’s a Stag-do?
I wouldn’t say anything. You are risking breaking up a family over vague, second-hand information.
No. Not your relationship, not your business, and also not necessarily accurate information.
Absolutely nothing good will come of you getting involved. As you say, you don’t know specifics, you were not there, and it really isn’t your business. I’ve been in a broadly similar situation with friends twice, and in both cases it backfired; in one case spectacularly.
Think about what you are trying to achieve, and for whom. Telling his wife will be something she will never be able to forget. Do you want to be responsible for the consequences? I don’t think you’ll be viewed as positively as you might think. Maybe give your brother in law the benefit of the doubt; if something like this happens again you could bring it up with him, but for now I would keep my mouth shut and my eyes on my own plate.
Tell your wife. She will take care of it.
It probably will end catastrophically, but that’s his fault for cheating, not yours for bringing it to light.
BIL isn’t going to come clean. If you go to him with an ultimatum he’s just going to find some way to twist the story in his favor.
I’d talk to your fiancee about it, and come up with a plan of how best to relay the information to her sister.
If he was unfaithful then she deserves to know. But only once you know 100% that he was, which you don’t…yet.
Please tell her asap!! Some STIs are especially dangerous for the baby. She needs to get tested immediately. Don’t protect this pathetic AH.
He endangers the wife with infidelity, gather proof, give it to your wife
Talk to your fiancee first. This is your shared ethical problem, Then talk to your BIL, once you’re both clear on what feels right, If he refuses to be honest and take responsibility, you may need to tell your sister-in-law, as hard as that will be.
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Say nothing. His wife is vulnerable, you can’t know what took place, have little to no actual proof, if he’s a cheater she will know soon enough, and it will cause nothing but trouble for them, and potentially resentment for you, as well. You also can’t possibly know what’s best for them and their dynamic.
I’m wondering why your first instinct was not to tell your fiancé. What kind of half-assed marriage are you planning? Partners don’t keep secrets.
I firmly believe that cheater should not be protected.
Your fiancé’s sister needs to know.
You are facing the biggest character challenge of your life.
Immediately confide in your fiancé. Together, decide whether to give BIL warning. But absolutely, tell SIL.
UpdateMe
I would stay out of it.
Tell her! It matters MORE now that she’s pregnant because an STD could kill or seriously injure the baby due to their underdeveloped immune system. Besides, if he could do it once, he could do it again, giving rise to more opportunities to contract STDs.
Tell your fiancé, but be there for your SIL. She may not want to leave her garbage husband because she’s pregnant, but your number one priority should be to support her, not judge her for her decisions.
She’s pregnant and getting an std/sti is really dangerous for baby. I would absolutely tell your wife and then tell his wife. For her health and the health of baby she deserves to know.
Tell your fiance first.
you will learn so much about your fiance and how much you are valued as a partner in that relationship
talk about betrayal and loyalty and health ramifications. (The guys wife should not be having unprotected sex with him!!!!)
If fiancé is useless, tell the wife and dump your fiancé.
Tell your fiance, she can handle it.