So I don’t know if I’m spiraling or if I have a legitimate reason to be freaked out, but I can’t stop thinking about this situation, and I’d love some advice.
For background, I’m 19F. Rob (not his real name) is almost 30M. I first met him at one of my old sales/customer service jobs a few months back. He came in pretty regularly — sometimes once a week, sometimes every couple of weeks — and liked to chat with me. At first, I thought he was just a friendly regular. My boss even told me he used to be really close with a former employee (red flag number one), so I figured he was just one of those customers who stick around longer than normal.
But over time, his behavior started to stand out. He would stand closer to me than most customers do, he’d ask a lot of questions about my life, and one day he asked if I had a boyfriend. I told him yes — and normally when that comes up, guys leave it at that. But Rob just kind of brushed it off and made a little joke. Something along the lines of “Oh well, do you think your boyfriend would look good in this?” and kept talking to me like he wasn’t fazed by it.
I eventually left that job and thought I wouldn’t see him again… but a few weeks later, he showed up at my other job (a completely different kind of store, totally different customer base). It honestly felt like he had sought me out. He asked for my help with something, but once again, he turned it into a personal conversation. Against my better judgment, I ended up telling him little things about myself — like the kind of car I drive — and later I felt so stupid for giving that info to someone I barely know.
The most recent encounter really sealed my unease. He asked about my clothing style, whether how I dressed at work was similar to outside of work. I said something casual about how I’m a little more “emo” than I dress at work, and he immediately wanted to see pictures. I showed him a couple of old photos on my phone (photos from 3-4 years ago), and instantly he asked for my Instagram. I said no, told him my boyfriend wouldn’t like that, and even tried to brush it off with a “let’s not” kind of tone. But he kept pushing. At one point, he even said something like, “I’ll try not to hit on you,” while getting his phone out. I completely froze. I’m not good with confrontation, especially in the middle of work, and I just wanted the interaction to be over. So I gave him my burner account to get him off my back. I really just wanted him out of the store at that point.
Now he’s messaging me on there. Nothing extreme, just casual stuff, but it’s enough to keep this pit in my stomach. Even my coworkers have picked up on it — one of them even thought he might be my boyfriend based on how close he stands to me when we’re talking. That kind of confirmed for me that it isn’t all in my head.
I know he hasn’t technically “done” anything — he hasn’t been aggressive, hasn’t yelled, hasn’t physically crossed a line. But he’s persistent, he’s much older than me, and he doesn’t seem to respect the boundaries I’ve tried to put up. And every time he comes in, my gut feeling just gets stronger that something isn’t right.
I’ve already told a couple of coworkers he makes me uncomfortable, but I’m not sure what the next step is. I feel dumb for letting it get this far, but I also know I freeze up in uncomfortable situations, and it’s hard for me to be direct, especially since the little job experience that I have at my age is all sales and “make the customer happy” type stuff.
So Reddit: how do I set firmer boundaries without making things worse? How do I keep myself safe when I still have to see him at work sometimes? And has anyone else been in a similar situation?
TL;DR 19F, I met a customer (almost 30M) at one job. He now shows up at my other job. He stands too close, asks personal questions, ignores when I say I have a boyfriend, and pushes for my Instagram until I cave and give him my burner. Now he’s messaging me, and I get a gut feeling something’s off. I’m not sure how to handle this or if I’m overreacting.
Comments
Trust your gut feelings, they’re usually right. You shouldn’t ever be feeling uncomfortable, intimidated, or unsafe at work. Speak up loud to your managers about it, no need to sugarcoat anything just cause he’s a customer.
Safety over sales, always. And if they don’t help, maybe it’s time for a diff job or, hell, even report to the police if things escalate.
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Yo, girl. First off, trust your gut! Dude’s definitely crossing a line and it’s not all in your head. Ain’t nothing wrong with establishing boundaries. Respect ain’t a one-way street. Your safety and comfort, both physical and mental, should be top priority. I’m no expert, but if I were in your shoes, I’d firmly tell him to stick to professional convos only, and reach out to management ASAP. Keeping quiet ain’t gonna resolve nada. Stay safe, sis!
Yo, trust that gut feeling dude. It ain’t playin’. This Rob guy is crossin’ lines left and right, disregardin’ your boundaries n’ that ain’t cool. Sometimes this whole “customer is always right” BS does more harm than good. Stay safe n’ remember it’s okay to say no. Zero need to be polite when someone’s pushing it too far. You have every right to feel comfy in your own workplace, don’t let anyone take that away. Might wanna consider reporting this to your boss or something, cuz this ain’t normal customer behavior. You got this, sis – take control of the situation, you’re stronger than you think.💪🔥
Check out the archives at https://www.askamanager.org – I’ll bet Alison has dealt with a problem like this before. If not, ask her. Her website is a great resource for anyone navigating weird situations at work.
You don’t have to answer a question just because someone asks you. Don’t worry about making it awkward for your stalker. He’s the one making it awkward.