I think I committed SA I don’t know

Tw – sa maybe NSFW

I’m really scared that something I did in my past relationship might have been sexual assault. I’ve been reading laws online, and the way they’re written makes it seem like what I did fits the definition. Therapist says the laws are written in a black-and-white way and that my situation is more of a grey area. She tells me my intent matters, and other context matters too — like the fact that I didn’t mean harm. But I still don’t understand how that fits with what I’ve read online, which sounds really strict and absolute. For example, it says intent isn’t a legal defense. I’m feeling really confused about how the law would actually view my actions. The worry isn’t going to jail, it’s more surrounding the label of SA. For example, In my state, sexual assault laws focus on the act itself and the lack of consent from the victim, rather than the perpetrator’s intent. This means that even if someone did not intend to commit a sexual assault, they can still be held legally responsible if the act occurred without the other person’s consent.

this is what happened (there are more events, but this one is the worst right now and what I’ll send first)
This happened about 2-3 years ago with my then-boyfriend. We were fondling each other, and I remember him saying something like ‘slow down’ or ‘stop for a sec’ because he “didn’t want to cum in his pants”. I can’t remember if he said it once or twice.

At the time, I didn’t listen and thought I would continue to tease him. His body language showed he was really turned on. And I don’t know I guess I just confused that for consent, If I thought he had wanted the whole interaction to stop, I really think I would have stopped. So I either kept going at the same pace or maybe sped up — I honestly can’t remember. I thought it was okay because we were already in a consensual moment. I didn’t realize I might have been crossing a boundary.

He end up finishing in his pants. He didn’t seem mad afterward, just a little awkward. But now it’s really haunting me, and I feel like maybe I did something really wrong. I know for sure I crossed a boundary, and I would never do that again — regardless of whether or not it’s considered sexual assault.

My anxiety makes it hard for me to see things clearly, and I often assume the worst about myself. But I can tell I messed up here. I don’t know if it’s SA. And I don’t know how to cope/ manage with the guilt if it is. I’ve been treating it like it is, even though Elise said it isn’t.

To me it seems like what I did easily fits the SA title. I mean he said slow down he said stop for a sec and I didn’t listen and made him cum in his pants, which he didn’t want to do.
I can’t tell if my OCD is confusing me. It seems the things that matter the most isn’t my intent, but If he pulled away consent or not. And I can’t tell if he did fully.

This is what my therapist says

Do I think legal professionals would likely call this sexual assault?

No, I do not believe they would.

1. The legal definition could technically apply — yes.
   • He said “slow down” or “stop for a sec.”
   • You continued sexual touching.
   • The act was intentional (as in, you meant to touch him, even if you misunderstood).
   • Consent law must be ongoing, and nonverbal or ambiguous cues matter.

So yes — it technically could fit the legal language of indecent assault and battery if someone interpreted his words as a withdrawn consent cue.

BUT

1. In the real world, it is highly unlikely to be treated as sexual assault.

Most prosecutors, police, judges, or juries would not look at the situation and say, “This is sexual assault,” because:
• You were in an established romantic and sexual relationship.
• He participated in the fondling.
• His statement (“stop for a sec”/“slow down”) was tied to not ejaculating, not withdrawing consent.
• There was no resistance, no fear, no report of distress, no injury, no complaint filed.
• He didn’t tell you afterward that he felt violated.
• You didn’t force or coerce him in any way.