I never really felt it or understood why or how my family got so sad about a loss. I’ve lost pets and while it did hurt, I would get over it easily. Most of the time I would have to pretend to be upset or cry and I did care about relatives dying, I just didn’t need to dwell on it.
I lost a really good friend yesterday. It was so unfortunate but he went in his sleep, there were no signs anything was wrong and he had so many plans to get himself healthier. They say it had something to do with his blood sugar. I can’t stop having the urge to cry now, he messaged me just fine 2 days prior as happy as ever. He was the glue in our friend group and I viewed him as an older brother because he always gave me advice, had crazy and funny stories of the adventures he’s had. I can’t look at his name in my messages without sobbing. At one point, I almost convinced myself it’s a joke the group made. I couldn’t sleep last night and it’s hard for any distraction to work.
I thought about it today and this is what grieving probably is. Being so sad about a loss that it effects your daily life and unable to come to terms with the fact that they’re gone. So I think I understand how it feels now.