I think I need therapy 23M

Hey everyone,

I’m a 23M and I’ve been struggling to manage my emotions when it comes to relationships.

When I was 17, I fell for a girl, and honestly, I still regret ever going to that birthday party where we met. For 2 years we only saw each other a couple of times, nothing serious, and it progressed to daily texting when I was 19. We talked for nine months, and then she friendzoned me—only to come back later after 7 months saying she wanted to be with me. My biggest mistake was saying yes.

She had an anxious attachment style and ended up messing me up mentally to the point where I became an anxious attacher. She never initiated anything—not conversations, not dates, not even compliments. I was always the one waiting for hours for a response, and after a month of this, I couldn’t take it anymore and ended things. This was in 2020.

A few months later, another girl joined our friend group (both of them are still in this group, by the way). She was the complete opposite—always wanted to see me, planned dates, complimented me constantly. We were friends ( in a talking stage more-so) for one year before finally getting together in 2021.

But I ruined it. I became jealous, insecure, and overwhelming. I constantly needed reassurance that she still liked me. Whenever I saw her or see that she texts other guy friends of hers, my mind would spiral into panic attacks. I’d lash out in messages—passive-aggressive stuff—or act like everything was fine while my mind was going crazy.

We broke up after eight months. She told me, “I don’t think we’re compatible. You didn’t do anything wrong, these things just happen.” That line still haunts me.

Since then, I’ve had a few failed talking stages, but here I am in 2025—single since 2022.

The real problem now? The first girl, the one who messed me up, is back. She’s been talking to me again, sending flirty TikToks, saying cute things, and my mind is a mess.

You don’t have to call me a dumbf*ck, I know I am one. It’s been almost 5 years and I let her in my life again so easy.

I know I don’t want to be with her because it would only make things worse for myself, but whenever I see her talking or texting with/about other guys, I spiral into anxiety attacks, ruin my entire day, and end up lashing out through messages in the same passive-agressive way for literally no reason. I DON’T EVEN WANNA BE WITH HER. Maybe I do, but I’m tired of falling with love with potential only to get screwed on later on. I know she didn’t change at all since 5 years ago and I need stop doing this to myself, but I can’t.

I have a stable job that pays well, I still do have friends that I go out with every week, I go to the gym and I don’t know what else to do.

Leaving the group is a big no for me, because we are 13 people, and I know some of them for ages. I wouldn’t want to ruin this friendships, because of 2 girls that happen to be in the same circle.

Last night, in the same friend group we had a birthday party. A guy of one my friends came as well and he started flirting with her, taking shots etc. I was having such a good night and then bam, I couldn’t hear anything near me and wanted to punch the wall so bad. This morning I saw they followed eachother on instagram and I’m typing this rn with 100 voices in my head

I feel stuck and I need help, but I don’t know where to start. What to do to stop destroying myself?

TL;DR: I am obsessive in realtionships and I don’t know how to fix it. Girls from past came in my life again and I’m a mess.