I’m 32. know this is likely PPD, but I no longer feel anything except pure tiredness. My daughter just turned 8 months. Everyday is the same. Wake up, feed, change, feed, change, bathe, nap, bed, room, living room, sleep. I feel this overwhelming emptiness. I don’t want to leave the house either I just feel like nothing can make me happy right now. I don’t even feel hungry anymore, I’m eating about once a day and Ive lost so much weight too. I love my daughter so much, I just don’t understand how I can feel such nothingness. Teething stage is hard. She cries most day. I have began snapping at her because she snaps at me. By snapping I mean raising my voice a little, no yelling but I’ll talk more bold toned. She gets mad about everything. If her toy was moved, if I leave the room, if I don’t pick her up, about everything. Solids are hard too. I don’t know if I’m doing a good job but she’s only getting solids twice a day and it’s purées because BLW gives me way too much anxiety. Being a mom is hard. This is all just so hard and gosh, I am so incredibly tired. Just so so so tired I feel it deep in my bones how tired and unhealthy I am right now. It feels like my soul is disappearing into nothingness along with my body. I don’t know if I am fit to be a mother after all. I thought I was but gosh. This is so hard.
Update: thank you all for your kind comments. I have an appointment with my OB next week. I called and told them what I’m feeling and they set up an appointment right away. They’re going to do a panel to see if my thyroid is okay and to get me some resources if it is PPD.
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I have a 3-month-old daughter, so I completely understand how exhausting it can be when they cry so much. Are you getting any help? Even just 1–2 hours a day with your partner watching her can give you a little break to recharge. Maybe take that time to treat yourself, go to the gym, enjoy a favorite snack, or just relax. Be gentle with yourself…. you’re doing such an amazing job!
Have you spoken to a doctor? I’m concerned this might be post natal depression. It’s normal to feel tired and overwhelmed, but I don’t think it’s “normal” to feel that your soul is disappearing into nothingness. Please speak with a doctor. You deserve the right support to get through this.
Sounds like you are depressed, please seek medical advice and be honest about the nothingness. Hope you feel better soon! Remember, this is how you feel for now, not how you always felt. It will get better with help.
Do you go to baby/toddler groups? Meet up with other parents? It was a life savour for me. Place to meet other parents, talk to more experienced parents, as well as a place for your child to interact with others.
It’s really hard work to look after small children. But it gets better, as they get older. You’ll be able to communicate better, gets more easier to reason with them too.
My kids are 7, 2 and 1 and I feel exactly the same. For me it’s the constant screaming, fighting, noise and destruction. It’s so hard. Anti- anxiety medication helped me a lot and trying to get out of the house with the baby, even when you don’t want to, helps. I think you also need to take a break and have a few hours in the day where you’re on your own. Have you got someone to look after your baby so you can schedule some you-time?
Do you have any help or are you alone with the baby 24/7? People suggest seeking mental health help but I think that’s a question that really needs to be answered first.
You love your daughter, you’re just completely exhausted. Please reach out to a doctor or therapist, this is treatable, and things can get easier
Where is the father in this?
I recommend that you talk to your doctor. Sometimes it’s best to get treatment at the point that you are describing. Also, make sure that you’re hydrating, sleeping, and eating regularly. You should also take walks. As early in the morning that you can. Sunshine helps your body reset. You’ll find that you’re less stressed, and more able to rest when you exercise, eat, and sleep at regular times. Asking for help isn’t a sin, so consider asking close family and friends for help when you need a break. I will pray for you.
I suffered from PPD too. The recommendations that I made came from my Healthcare providers. Please call your doctor. They can help. And by doctor I mean any provider that you’re comfortable talking to. And be completely honest. They can help you better by knowing everything that you feel. I felt the same way. It’s ok to reach out.
Hi, motherhood is hard. Can you join a group for mothers in your area? It could be a Facebook group too.
You literally produced another human being. That in itself is gonna drain everything outta you. I’m not a bio mom so I have no personal experience but I can see why you would feel the way you do. Hats off because y’all are tough and resilient.
You are not alone though.
There is help.
Wishing you the best OP
If you’re in the US, tell your OB. Call them and say you’re feeling the things they said to call about at hospital discharge. It gets better over time, but it’s usually better for you/baby both to get connected. I ended up at a breastfeeding moms group through my doctor for a bit and it did the trick. I am introverted and do NOT like stuff like that, but a lot of things we just do for a little bit and then move on as our kids grow. You’re doing great 😊 reaching out for help here is already a great step—one thing at a time, you got this.
What you’re feeling is real and doesn’t make you a bad mom. Reach out to a doctor, therapist, or postpartum support getting help is important for both you and your baby
We are both on the same boat. My son is 8 months old, and although I have my mother and my sister around me to help, I also feel overwhelmed and exhausted. I feel like I need to be constantly giving to my son and be there for him, but the lack of meaningful conversations and me-time is taking a toll on me. I am constantly on a guilt trip, whatever I do. I feel my energy is depleting, and I have no one to turn around to recharge. Even my close friends don’t seem to be emotionally available for me.
I know that it will pass, that it is a phase, that he will grow up, that I need to enjoy this precious time with him, but it is hard.
Please take care. Sending you light and energy.
I’d talk with your general practitioner about blood work, get into therapy, and find community. 80% of brain development happens in the first three years of life. I have empathy for you and also know that raised voices and a stressed parent have a measurable negative effect on the development of your child during her most critical years. You need support so that you both can thrive. Do you have a partner who is engaged and could take on more care so that you could spend more time being a person that doesn’t have a tiny person attached to them to take a good nap, go for a walk, get coffee with a friend, or just mindlessly do something without having to worry about her needs for a bit?
I was in the same boat as you and it didn’t help that i did not have a supportive partner. Do you have a support system? Any other fellow moms you could talk to and just vent?
I had PPD and had a hard time connecting with my son from the beginning. It almost felt like i was a robot just doing the same routine over and over everyday. There were days where i’d just cry all day long and days where i felt numb and didn’t even want to get out of bed. I started to majorly regret becoming a parent and especially with whom i decided to have a baby with. Eventually, things started to get better but it took a very long time for me. He’s 15 months now and he’s easier than he was as a baby. I will say though, i have been completely turned off from having more children due to my postpartum journey. Didn’t enjoy a single thing about it and that’s ok. One and done for me.
Two times a day of purees is fine at her age so as long as she’s getting her milk in. I didn’t do BLW either because it gave me anxiety.
I would consult with your doctor and let them know how you’re feeling. Don’t think asking for help or taking medications is a sign of weakness.
My dm’s are open for any fellow mom who needs someone to talk to❤️
I’m not a mother, but as a person struggling with depression, I really empathize with the feelings you described in your post. OP, please know it’s not your fault to be feeling this way. It’s ok. Your feelings are valid. I know it’s advice that’s thrown around all the time and in reality it’s not accessible to everyone… but if you can, please seek therapy or any kind of support you can. I was drowning in that “emptiness” you described until one day I just snapped and attempted to off myself. Please seek help before you reach that point.
Thanks for holding on. Big hugs.
Well. You are describing me 10 years ago. I used the word ‘grey’ a lot. Like everything felt horrible grey.
My kid had Cholic and is what I would describe as a really difficult baby.
The good news, the regret is not permanent! Some of us just don’t like the baby stage.
The advice I’d give myself looking back
3 Get more people to help out, if possible.
Good luck, trust me, it’s not just you.
I understand completely how you feel, I had PPD with my first child and was permanently exhausted and just wanted the world to stop.
Please see your GP or OBGYN. In the meantime outsource what you can and try to let your partner and close family members know. Maybe they can take baby while you catch up on sleep.
You will get better but you need help.
I agree that even if you don’t feel like it it’s good to get out of the house and walk around the block or something, fresh air and sunlight is good for the soul.
Perfect Dr.John Delony moment!
https://youtu.be/0kD1SXnX6mg?si=RnoOfkkAYWopgLq4
Maybe this’ll help
You should go to the doctor to get evaluated for PPD. It’s not supposed to be THIS hard. You deserve to be happy. You are a great mother! You’re doing a good job! Get some help. If you have help, make plans to go to the movies, a bookstore, a hotel, by yourself for a night of GLORIOUS sleep. A lack of sleep can really do a number on you.
This sounds like post natal depression. You should seek help, talk to your doctor. If you need to chat my DMs are open. Hang in there ❤️
It will get better!!!! I promise!!!! I did not enjoy the baby phase. I hated myself for it. At 10 and 12 now, my kids bring me so much joy… and I’ve forgiven myself for not being the most sound (mentally) when they were babies.
Being a mom is hard, it can be overwhelming at times, you’re not the only one to feel like that. Your feelings are definitely validated there. However, you shouldn’t feel as if you can’t leave the house and that empty feeling is worrisome. Please talk to your doctor. Enlist someone’s help – partner, parents, siblings, anyone that can help you by providing some kind of respite. It is hard, but you can do it!!! You love your baby, and she loves you!!! You can do it!!! 🥰
I understand your feelings. We also suffered a lot. I feel you seem to be alone in regards to taking care of child.
You need help. Maybe ask family or friends for helping and playing with child.
Maybe try kindergarten if you have in your country.
Theres a regretful parents sub also if u need to vent
Isn’t it so surprising how dang hard motherhood is? I had no idea that the fatigue would be so seemingly unending. Yes, to seeing a doctor. Also are you getting breaks? Do you have a babysitter to get out of the house alone- even for just an hour or two- or to take a blessed nap? Do you have someone to even watch her overnight? I used to get a hotel room once a year just to sleep for one blessed night.
It feels like this will just go on and on but don’t listen to that. It will get so much better. She is going to sleep and talk and get into a routine and feed herself. She’s probably not far from starting some finger food.
You are a very good mom. That you are concerned means you deeply love her. This is going to feel better.
I think what you need is a community. Don’t forget you’re a human too, you need to have your own identity bacj
If you can afford, put her in daycare a couple days a week or send her to a family member’s house, get some antidepressants from your doctor, and watch your favorite shows. Humans are not meant to spend 24/7 with a baby, in the past you would have had a big family to help. Even 3 hour break would be better.
You sound utterly exhausted and completely depleted. This could be physical, emotional, both?
You need a blood work up as well as a screen for PPD.
Do you have help and support? Like real support, someone who lets you sleep/ eat/ relax?
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way; I promise it’s not permanent but you deserve help and resources and support.
Ask for help! Friend, father, family, Another parent, baby group. Do not suffer alone.
This was exactly how mu post partum experience felt with my first, I struggled through until hitting rock bottom at 11 months pp and finally started antidepressants. Within two weeks I started having glimmers of joy each day and within a month I felt better. Still tired but not hollow and devoid of any joy.
Please go chat to your doctor and seek medication, it literally will change your life and your daughters life. She will start noticing how you are disassociated to her. And once she’s a toddler you really do need to be in the best possible head space to be able to navigate the big toddler feels and be her anchor in the storm
Do you work? If not, it might be beneficial to you. I was not made to be a stay at home mom. Working helps keeps me centered & makes a better mom. I have a purpose outside of the house, I exercise my brain, and have conversations with adults at work. If I were to stay home, I would struggle. I have anxiety & am treated for depression. I know it would get worse if I stayed at home.
Your feeling can be considered normal but it sounds like your mental health is declining. I would look into treatment with medications and therapy.
Go and see your doctor asap! It’s ok to just rest but also if it’s driving you mad being stuck in your living room then it’s also driving your baby mad. Take her for a walk, hell you don’t even have to get dressed just shove on a hoodie and go in your pjs if you want! Start introducing a small daily walk in to your routine just to get out the house.
It’s likely PPD. But if you identify the problem the good thing is there’s help. I think most new moms feel the way that you do. I know I did. You’re just in the beginning stages of motherhood & it’s HARD.
The reality isn’t pure bliss, feeling fulfilled, & joy like it’s portrayed to be. You’re living the reality. Luckily, this too shall (should/can) pass & you’ll look back & wonder how you ever survived it.
I’m going through this stage too. My 9mo old is always fussy and angry l feel like I have a completely different baby. He’s also super clingy and never wants me to leave his side. I keep telling myself this is all part of his development. He’s transitioning into a new stage and it will be over eventually. But man, some days are so hard. I have no advice, however I want you to know you are not alone, I and many others are in the trenches with you.
It’s a huge post partum depression. Please please go to your family doctor, tell him you don’t eat, don’t sleep and don’t care for anything anymore. The better solution could be to be hospitalised with your baby. Nurses will take care of your daughter in order for you to rest and let the antidepressants pills make their effects. In which country do you live, does your healthcare system provide this type of solution?
Please talk to a doctor. It sounds like you have some PPD going on.
First step is finding a way to get freezer meals. Is there a family member or a friend who could meal prep for you? Then GP for vitamin deficiencies, then PDD medication. You need to be eating on schedule (probably 6 meals a day as a new mom) for any anxiety meds / antidepressants to start working
No body tells you how hard motherhood really is, it’s lonely, exhausting and the mum guilt is real. You love them with your entire being but there is a sense of loss as you’re learning who you are now with this amazing yet demanding little being in your life.
It’s worthwhile going to see a GP about getting assessed for Post Natal Depression and Anxiety. I suffered with it after my first baby and then again with my second, my second I was much more prepared for and was able to get a referral to see a psychologist and ended up on antidepressants which helped me immensely to cope with 2 under 2. It’s still hard but I have coping skills now and even though I’m now working full time and solo parenting I have more energy.
I also found going back to work really helped me. It’s hard to put your little one in daycare, I struggled and had anxiety about letting someone else care for them but giving yourself space to reclaim a little bit of your old self can help. I was very career driven pre children and although my career is in the back burner while my kids are little getting to use my brain, have adult conversations and problem solve rather than argue with my 3 year old about putting on pants has saved my sanity.
Sounds like how I felt when my first baby was 9 months old. I finally went to the GP when I realised that I wasn’t enjoying my days. I hadn’t really enjoyed a day since he was born, I just tolerated it and barely coped. I got so angry over the smallest things. It was PPD. I went on antidepressants which sorted out the chemical imbalance in my brain. Made a huge difference. The grey cloud following me around was gone. I appreciated the little things and didn’t sweat the small stuff or expect perfection. I weaned off them after about six months and was fine after that. I would definitely recommend talking to your Dr or at least going online to do the depression Edinburgh scale test.
You got this!
I remember saying “I’m just not cut out for this” multiple times a day. This is something more serious than PPD. Please talk to your dr. I ended up being diagnosed with PP psychosis. My depression defeat and hopelessness started a couple of months after all my kids’ births, and that was what caused that diagnosis.
Make an appointment and talk to your Dr. I went through A LOT of this after my youngest was born. And if your feeling like this, your daughter feels it and it could be why she gets upset about everything. She can’t express her feelings so she cries.
And if you can FORCE yourself to get out of the house. It would be good for both of you. Find a Mom’s group or an early childhood baby group. It will help.
Sending hugs to you.
You are sleeping deprived and you need help. Any family available?
First off, im so sorry you are feeling this way. Second, as a father my opinions on this matter might not be as important as the other mithers here and I understand that.
Now. As a father of 3, I have watched my wife go through so much. Post partum is a bitch. My wife was hit hard when my second was born. She was unable to breastfeed with him, so that added to her feelings.
It is so very common for a mother to feel this way.
I do feel the need to ask, are you doing this alone? If so you need to find some help. The strongest women I know have needed breaks. It doesn’t make you a bad mother, it doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. I agree with all the others, please talk to your doctor. And I hope you can find some support. An hour or so without a child needing you can change your entire day.
Best wishes going forward.
Id like to take a moment and validate you right here.
I had PPPD and PPD and anxiety . i had a very difficult first baby. She is now 16.5 yrs old.
I cried so much and member thinking this is like the longest babysitting job ever. When is the mom coming to get this baby. And I’m the mom.
It is tough. It is mundane. It is the same hour on repeat.
Hang in there. I promise you it gets better.
It is incredibly a life changing event. Most men don’t understand. It is difficult. I hope you find some joy in this and get some help. You’re not alone
Daycare! You need your mornings for your mental health. They have assistance if you need help paying.
Being a parent is the hardest thing you’ll ever do. And you are in one of the hardest parts. I promise you it will get better. Regret is, im not sure its normal, but it happens a lot. There’s nothing wrong with it. Just stay focused on neutron yourself every day.
Talk to your OB. I started WellbutrinXL with my daughter and it helped me immensely. I went from casually considering what it would be like to drive my car into a light post to feeling mostly normal (as normal as a mom of an infant can be)
Mothering is ridiculously hard, there so many expectations and opinions and it feels overwhelming. But you are doing awesome at taking care of this little human, now you need to take care of you! Talk to the doctor , but also if it’s at all possible to have someone watch your daughter for a few hours asap to give you a reprieve then do that too. You need some time to remember who you as a human are, being a mother takes all of us yet at the same time is not all of who we are and that is so challenging. Try to give yourself some grace, get some help and take care of yourself too. It will get better ❤️🩹
What you’re describing is serious and real, it’s not a failure on your part. Postpartum depression and exhaustion can make even the deepest love feel empty and overwhelming. You need support, not judgment. Reach out to your doctor or a mental health professional as soon as possible, they can help with both your mental and physical health. You don’t have to carry this alone, and getting help doesn’t make you a bad mom, it makes you a responsible one. You and your daughter deserve you at your healthiest.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. What you’re describing sounds a lot like postpartum depression, and it’s way more common than people think. You’re not a bad mom, you’re just exhausted and overwhelmed.This sounds so heavy, but it doesn’t mean you’re failing. So many moms feel this way in the early months. Do you have anyone who can give you a break, even for an hour or two?
I hate the term post partum depression only because it makes it sound/feel like something is wrong with YOU and like it’s not the entire situation surrounding having a new life to care for. It’s freaking hard. Your world changed overnight. It is absolutely valid to feel overwhelmed and sad and tired. It’s easy to say “do something for yourself”, “use your village”, bla bla bla. It’s not always that easy. All this to say, resources exist for you. Reach out to a healthcare provider. Consider medication, therapy…anything to help you through this phase of life. We’re here to vent to. A lot of us have been there.
Speak to a doctor. This sounds like PPD. Take a deep breath. Take it hour by hour.
You aren’t meant to do this by yourself.
At various times when my kids were really little, I was friends with other moms and we would meet up just to chat or to help each other tackle larger household chores. Or just to get out of the house.
In your area have you searched for any mother-baby groups? They’re often attached to churches but just ignore that part if you aren’t religious. They aren’t usually overtly religious in the mom groups
Ok, this sounds very familiar. With my second child, I felt like a zombie, no joy in anything, going through the motions. With it came guilt because my first child still needed me. But I didn’t sleep for about a year, he cried at night all the time, wouldn’t take a bottle. I broke down in front the health visitor, I had been holding it all in, thinking I was useless and getting it all wrong. They gave me so much help and support. Please, either see your Dr or HV. It can get easier, not saying perfect, not with babies, but easier. I wish I’d asked for help earlier, I still carry the guilt 6 years later. PND can be soul destroying, but there is help. Be kind to yourself, it’s hard!
I’m 9 months pp. About a month or so ago I started escitalopram- ibwas prescribed it I’m about months 2 or 3 but was scared to take it. But I started taking it and since then I’ve been able to do regular therapy (was cancelling before). Get medicated if you can- for your child’s sake
CALL YOUR OB TODAY
Sister, I had postpartum depression like this and I checked myself in to a mental health facility at the hospital via the ER. It was the best thing I ever did. Kind of felt like a vacation tbh.
This is a problem that remains unsolved worldwide. In China, a large portion of new mothers have their biological parents or their husband’s parents by their side for the first year after their baby’s birth, helping them process everything you’ve described. They still feel the same way you do. While there’s no definitive answer, the only way to improve things is for the husband to understand and participate in the baby’s upbringing. I say it’s about the husband’s involvement, but I imagine parents in your country wouldn’t participate, would they? Finally, mothers are truly great.
Oh sweetheart, this definitely sounds like PPD – as others have commented, please speak to your doctor and also consider getting a therapist. My PPD hit really hard around the 8month mark too, and my therapist has been so so valuable in helping to manage that and find my happiness again. You need to get healthy so you can be the best mom you can be!
The best advice my therapist gave me was to get out of the house for minimum one hour per week – no baby, and not to run errands/chores. Go for a walk, sit in a cafe, meet a friend for breakfast, get your hair done, stroll around a bookstore or museum etc.
This time will pass and you wont look back on it fondly, but you will be so so surprised how much better you feel one day!
Please seek professional help!
Can you get help (mother, mother in law, babysitter) for a few hours a day to catch up on sleep? Or maybe a couple of days a week? Your baby probably needs a break from you just like you need a break from her.
Definitely talk to your Doctor and try going for walks, laying a blanket on the grass and do some tummy time outside in the sun. Maybe find a local Moms group so you can talk to other adults. Hope you feel better soon!
You need 1) a support system around you 2)rest and 3) an appointment with a doctor
Everything will be fine, as long as you don’t ignore it and try to fight through this alone.
You may have some PPD and talk to someone soon.
You still have the job
PPD/PPA didn’t hit me until my son turned 6 months and he was sleeping through the night but I was barely sleeping at all and having very similar feelings. It’s a myth that it only “happens” immediately postpartum. I didn’t need a specialist, my PCP was able to provide me with medication that helped and I took it for about 6 months before feeling like myself again. Therapy does wonders too. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and know you’re not alone!!!
Anyone who’s ever had depression will instantly recognise that “empty, nothing can make me happy” feeling.
My doctor was a lifesaver. Know that treatment is available and this feeling is temporary.
Definitely see a doctor. It could be something really simple, some bloodwork could reveal you’re low in something that’s throwing everything off. I recently had a medical treatment that took too much iron out of me and low iron-that took me DOWN! I thought i was dying of something. Nope, just needed one iron infusion and I’ve been great ever since. You deserve to feel good physically and mentally, and your baby deserves to have the best of your energy, too. It’ll be ok.
Sounds like depression.
You need call a doctor now. It certainly sounds as postpartum. There are medications to help and therapy. This is real and you can get better. Do you have any one to help you Even a teen who can come in the afternoon to give you a break. We had a tragedy in our community related to PP. Do not let this go on unchecked. For the safety of Your Family. Please
No one tells you that being a good mom can feel like barely surviving.
This solidifies my not wanting to have kids. I’m sorry you are feeling this but thank you for sharing!
I would definitely speak to a doctor about this. I feel you though my daughter is 9 months cries all the time and is super clingy. Motherhood is very hard.I find having small hobbies helps alot to relax. Like drawing or painting after she goes to bed.
Hi! I am sorry you’re dealing with this. I have a 2 year old, she will be 3 in a couple months. My first question– is daycare a possibility? When I was on maternity leave, I HATED being home. I loved taking care of my daughter, but I realized I wasn’t cut out to be a SAHM. I NEED to be needed in a work environment. Being a mom is absolutely wonderful, but it isn’t everything, and it sounds like your motherhood is consuming you in a negative way because you spend all day at home with your child + maybe also be suffering from some PPD. Some people are able to do the stay at home thing and they love it and are very good at it; others just aren’t meant for it and I’m one of them. One of the best things I did for my daughter and for myself was go back to work and send her to daycare. She loves her teachers & has made so many friends and has become so smart & articulate.
In the meantime, please speak with a doctor, and explore starting therapy. Your daughter’s doctor should be having you fill out a PPD checklist at each one of her well child visits if they’re worth a damn. If you get upset, it is absolutely okay to place your daughter in her crib, close the door to her room and put headphones in while she cries it out. You’re doing great with her feeding! You’re doing great in general. Start incorporating daily walks and be intentional about getting outside & exercising. Include baby and make it a park trip! Keep it up, mama!
Start with a much needed break and rest. Basic things like sleeping eating and drinking …. Being a mom is a caregiver that has no reprieve … we hope partners and community help… ask for help if you have folks around you that are trustworthy.
Then …Speak to a dr.
This sounds like exhaustion and maybe post partum it also can lead to a situation where someone gets hurt. There is help and hope.
It’s called post partum depression and is very common. Please get help. Your pediatrician will help or give you names!
Also mommy groups from church or other places help tremendously!
There is so much hope for you, I promise! This is exactly how I felt with my first child until we weaned from breastfeeding around a year and a half. Around that time I started feeling a lot more like my old self and since everything was going well, we decided to have a second. About 4 months postpartum my husband said he thought I was experiencing PPD, so I talked to my OB who put me on Zoloft that took away my irritability but turned me into a zombie. Then we tried Wellbutrin which gave me a ton of energy but I was more irritable. I quit both and stayed in a burned out state for years, but it became my normal so I thought being tired, irritable, unmotivated was just a sign that I wasn’t cut out for motherhood. Cue getting surprise pregnant with a third and I hit my bottom. I didn’t think I would survive another postpartum and my state had just outlawed abortions. A friend helped me find a therapist who I see weekly now. Through therapy I finally got well enough that I made an appointment with a general practitioner who put me on a combo of Zoloft and Wellbutrin. It took months for me to adjust to the meds, and we had to up the Wellbutrin a tad, but I finally enjoy motherhood. I have more energy, healthier thought processes, and I hardly ever snap in anger unless my kids have just been riding my nerves nonstop. They’re 8, 5, and 1.5 now. 8 years ago, I wouldn’t believe you if you told me I would ENJOY being a mom of 3! psychologytoday. com will help you find a therapist near you (I do virtual now so I can schedule it during naptime). Find a physician and tell them these symptoms so you can find a medication or combination of meds that works for you. Please do not raw dog depression! You CAN enjoy being a mother, even if motherhood isn’t exactly your thing (I love my kids to the moon even though I openly acknowledge that motherhood isn’t fulfilling for me. It’s overwhelming for my ADHD & highly sensitive self, but I now have tools that put me in a better mindset).
You have so much joy to come! Wait till she starts talking and learning and sharing her expanding world with you! Hang in there, OP. You are understandbly exhausted now but have a big pay-off in store. Can you get a babysitter for a couple of hours a week?
Please get some help.
You need to contact your doctor ASAP whether it be GP or your OB/GYN, but you need to tell them you have very severe postpartum depression. Also, you need to get your thyroid all your thyroid levels checked your thyroid plays a major effect on everything in your body and that on top of postpartum depression Can be a very serious serious mix. Please don’t wait any longer. I hope things improve for you being a mom is hard it’s taxing mentally and physically and especially if you’re the one doing all the primary care of 24 seven. Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family and friends too.❣️🙏🏻❣️
This too shall pass. 🙂↕️
This sounds like postpartum depression. The exhaustion, weight loss, emotional emptiness, it’s not your fault and you’re not broken. Please talk to your doctor or a counselor. You deserve support, and your daughter needs her mom healthy.
There are seasons to motherhood, and you are in one of the hardest in my opinion. I struggled the first 5 years of my children’s lives, they were 2 years apart, it was pure exhaustion hanging by a thread until the first went off to school. It became sooooooooo much better after that. That being said, get some help, you may have postpartum depression and even if you don’t maybe you need some in house help, mothers day program to have some time to yourself or whatever it takes to get through this challenging season of motherhood. That little baby seems simple, but parents know (especially mothers) they are not, they are hard AF!
Is there a father in the picture? Do you have some help?
You’re right, being a mom IS hard but you’re a great mom and you’re doing the best you can! I urge you to speak with your OB or primary. You deserve to feel good about life and to feel joy. Prioritize rest when baby is sleeping.
I’m 33 and just had my third a few days ago. My inbox is open if you ever need an ear 🤍
Please talk to your doctor-or even the babies doctor at the next check up. And don’t feel ashamed for reaching out for help. I too was in the same position after having my last child, and had to be put on depression medication, no shame. It helped I was on them for almost a year and I managed to pull myself out of it, and no longer take meds. I get out and hike when possible and it helps me manage my stress. Find something you enjoy doing, just for you. I don’t know your situation with the father but maybe someone can step in and help with the baby while you do what makes you happy again. You can do this stay strong and please reach out for help.
First off, what you’re feeling is completely normal and I commend you for recognizing how you’re feeling. I was in the same boat but didn’t realize how depressed I had gotten until about 2 years in. I made an appointment with my GP and got on a low dose of Zoloft which has done wonders for me. I’ve always been resistant/stubborn about meds, but I still feel exactly like myself, I just enjoy things like I used to and it’s helped curb/manage depression/anxiety. Not everyone will have the same journey as mine, but I definitely recommend speaking to your doctor.
This definitely sounds like postpartum depression. You can call your obgyn and tell them what’s going on and they should be able to prescribe you something and possibly get your referred to a counselor too
Definitely get some help, but also understand that this is a common experience. My kids are 18 and 15 and my life is vastly different from when they were babies, but sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I had decided to remain childless. I also wonder about if I had won the lottery, studied a different major in college, and a lot of other things.
Put one foot in front of the other and call for some help from a doctor or therapist TODAY. Don’t let this spiral.
Sorry momma, you are in the trenches of motherhood. It’s ok to feel tired and sad. The worst is the isolation and sleep deprivation. Do you have any support from family or friends? What really helped me was finding mom friends of similar aged kids. Is the father helping out? If he’s not as hands on, make it a point that he be primary caregiver one day of his weekend while you go out and do anything unrelated to baby/chores.
My wife is going through this is as well, I don’t have much advice to offer, but you got this! Dont give up hope no matter how hard it is.
Just so you know, I found the baby phase of parenting extremely difficult. You aren’t alone in that. But I would reach out to your doctor about post-natal depression.
This was a terrible period for me too. I hated the boredom and annoyance of the daily routine with a baby. Plus lack of sleep. It feels like you’ve ruined your life. It helped me to go out and about and do things with my kids when they were babies. Even the grocery store and walks. Usually they’re occupied looking around and it’s easier. I loved being a mom when my kids got older and could function on their own a little. Just try to cope with this time of life and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Being a mom IS hard but you sound like you’re doing your best so please give yourself some grace. You’re not alone. I felt the same way for over a year after my son was born. I felt like I had completely lost my identity on top of feeling like a failure of a mother. Getting on anti depressants after breast feeding and going to therapy helped me get to a much better place to where I was finally able to enjoy motherhood.
By the way, it takes courage to admit to how you’re feeling—even to strangers. 💕If you’re in the U.S., your PCP (General doctor) or obgyn can prescribe you medication for post partum depression and should be able to refer you to a therapist.
As for your daughter, as long as she’s hitting her milestones and her doctor is fine with her progress, keep doing what you’re doing.
Sending you a big hug over Reddit.
It’s important to let your child cry. It’s good for their respiratory system. Don’t give in on every small thing. You’re just setting them up to expect you to respond instantly.
I’d highly recommend getting out of the house- even if it’s just a stroller walk. It’ll break up the monotony of the day.
Please call your OB, PCP, or even baby’s pediatrician today. You can also check out Postpartum Support International for more resources.
When my babies were small I texted their hotline frequently for support.
You can do this and it does get better with the support you need. 🩷
you need a village, girl! you are not a bad mother just because things are hard right now. the fact that you’re actively working through these feelings and trying not to resent the baby you brought into this world is more than what most mothers would do instead? which is give up.
i don’t know if you’re doing this alone, but anyone in your life should hear how youre struggling so they can help you. your friends can come clean the house while you nap with the baby. make some new mom friends who are around your age who can give you tools to diffuse the burn out. i hate to say it but she is only 8 months and you have a LONG way to go before the child becomes more independent so it’s not her fault that she just needs you right now. but you need you too. i wish i could send you a care package or something !!!! you got this. talk to your doctors about how you’ve been feeling, try some vitamins (iron, vitamin D if you’re not going outside much) turn your house into a mom den – snacks, wine, magazines, prepped dinner for the two of you. YOU CAN DO THIS BECAUSE YOU WANT TO!!!!! it’s just an exhausting journey but to make it to that “finish line” (i know there never is one and were never done being parents but that toddler age of sending them to school or daycare so you can catch a break) you just have to hang in there. love you! xx – the daughter of a woman who gave up. i believe in you
It sounds like you are having some postpartum depression like symptoms. It also sounds like you are tired. I’d say talk to your doctor, have your hormones checked as well. The feeling of being overwhelmed is normal. Having a baby is a HUGE life change and it’s certainly an adjustment. But some good news.. kids grow up so fast. Before you know it, this phase will pass.
So obviously I would recommend seeking help and I heavily emphasize with you and I am glad you are seeking a safe space to vent.
Food for thought: Just for understanding and with zero judgement (you are doing amazing recognizing the situation and self reflecting – which is what a great mom does)… I just want to let you know that babies’ and children’s brains aren’t developed yet to regulate their emotions. She literally cannot stop herself from feeling mad. Sad, happy, there are zero inhibitions – like a light switch and no dimmer. You have to turn the switch off for her. You have to regulate her emotions for her by soothing her and any other healthy way to regulate emotions. Show you SEE her feelings, validate it even if she doesn’t understand she’ll get your body language and your vibe and know it’s safe to have feelings around you. “Yeah, I don’t like when I can’t have my toy either.”. Then regulate. Cuddle, sing, blow bubbles, cry, dance, whatever. As she gets older she will mimic how you regulate your emotions. If you shout and throw things, she will learn that’s how to do it (not saying you do). As she gets older and she sees you naming your own feeling, and do deep breaths and say it’s ok to cry when you are upset, or ask for a hug, then she’ll learn to do that (eventually, it’s a process!). As her brain grows she will get better at it – our brains aren’t done developing until we are in our early 20s!
I feel this so much. But I do feel that it gets easier and that there starts the be things to look forward to again. My son is 2 and I feel like things started getting easier around 10 months. There are still struggles but there were more “highs” to help balance out the “lows”. I know not everyone can get help or someone to watch him for a bit. If you are at all able to manage that – I think some time away being “you” and doing things you used to love can make you feel like a “full person”. It’ll make you a better mom too.
Also the fact that you’re so worried and concerned that you’re not a good mom – probably means you’re doing things right. I really hope you find relief – because I truly do remember this pain – but I think it will get better..❤️🩹
You can use the cerebral app or other app to get medicine if needed. Wellbutrin helped me during a slump like this, made me look forward to the days again, and it’s not something you have to take forever, it’s for mood, motivation, energy snd anxiety. I hope you feel better soon! Get outside if you can the fresh air helps, and storytimes at the library for interaction with other moms and kids. You are not alone this happens to millions of us hang in there 💕💕💕
You need to see a doctor asap. Sounds very much like post partum depression.
For comparison, I also found becoming a mother overwhelming. I was tired of being woken up at night, never knowing when I would have a break, and I hated all the cooking and cleaning. I was so so tired and stressed and worried and frustrated. But I was also so very happy, and watching my child grow and develop new skills, making them laugh, looking into their eyes, buying them new stuff, and the overwhelming feeling of pride in my offspring and each and every new skill learned.
My kids are 3 and 5 now, and it’s still hard, I still miss taking a break, sometimes I use a harsh tone of voice when they hit me or each other. But it’s still the best thing that ever happened and I still find joy and pride in the things they do and learn and say.
I believe my experience with motherhood is much more normal than yours, and I had a hard time because sleep was an absolute disaster the first 3 years with each one, and they have wild tempers and one of them had issues with solids, the other one is a very picky eater and I just cooked and threw out food all the time. It’s been – and still is – hard but rewarding and I have no regrets whatsoever.
You’re not supposed to feel this emptiness, hopelessness etc. You definitely need to seek help.
I wish you the best.
Being a mom is the hardest job. And no one really understands unless they have been through it. You are in the hardest time because they need you soo very much. Taking care of YOU is your number one priority. Baby is actually second.
If you are not healthy you can not take care of anyone else. Please listen to other, better advice than mine, and talk to someone. It WILL get better and easier but there are waves of highs and lows being a parent as they grow and become their own individual people. You need to be healthy yourself to help them all the way through the coming years of growth going forward.
My best parental advice is in moments of feeling overwhelmed start a tickle fight, laughing and giggling together can be magical. Good luck and know you are not alone.
I think it could be the lack of sleep and not necessary something terribly wrong. Do you ever feel even the slightest bit better after you do get some sleep? I think the best encouragement I can give you is that it won’t always be like this. You are stuck in groundhog day right now, but eventually, you will get past it when your daughter moves into other phases…hang in there and hugs! oh but you can go to the Dr for bloodwork just to make sure thyroid, iron, etc. are all okay too…xo
The first year is really hard. It’s going to get better. Talk to your doctor.
I feel like this is the kind of thing you share with fam and friends, not strangers on the Internet. It’s those people who are supposed to spell you, provide encouragement and relief.
Aside from what’s undoubtably postpartum depression, I think today’s parents aren’t really prepared to be the soul support for whole other people.
Ever since receptionists and dental assistants could play games on their phones between doing their actual job, we’ve had instant gratification pretty much 24 hours a day. In that case, you take, when caring for a baby, it’s all give. How does modernity even prepare folks for that?
At least the OP’s baby doesn’t all ready have her own phone–hopefully.
do you have any friends with babies? find a mother’s group. go to a park. Also speak with ur dog. check your neighborhood app for other moms
I felt exactly this way and I have conflicting feelings about everyone jumping to PPD immediately to explain this (although it is certainly a possibility and a factor, and getting on the right medication and/or seeing the right therapist is beneficial for everyone struggling in their lives).
The truth is, the work of mothering for the first 2ish years, especially if you’re heavily the primary parent (which in most cases, mothers are, especially if you are BFing), is relentless. It’s tedious. It’s monotonous. This can be mitigated by a lot of things: a baby with an easygoing personality (not my experience), a helpful partner (not my experience), a helpful and proactive support community (not my experience).
Here is what helped me. Acknowledge that it’s really hard. Acknowledge that it’s really taxing. But start to empower yourself in what you’re doing. It IS hard. And thus, it is incredible that you are doing it. Becoming a mother is like jumping into a role as CEO at a giant corporation with no experience. You are learning an entirely new skillset with a VERTICAL learning curve. Appreciate how admirable that is. This isn’t mundane, “behind the scenes” labor. It feels that way because we are conditioned to believe that domestic work holds less value. But in most societies throughout history, this wasn’t the case and shouldn’t be. Mothering and domestic work are KEY, INTEGRAL, VITAL contributions to our societies. Even just showing up and going through the motions as a mothers leads to a healthy attachment psychology in your child, which is unbelievably valuable for their future as an adult and their contributions to communities and their own families. Your work as a mother is the definition of creativity: in each moment you are responding to a novel situation and balancing multiple factors in your mind to develop a response that you hope will nurture this human being. I truly believe that the more you respect yourself and the work you are doing, the more alive you will feel.
Another thing that helped me was to stop trying to compare myself to the “before” version of me, or wondering when I would “get myself back”. The truth is, the past does not come back. You will always be different now. But incrementally, you will begin to rediscover the things you enjoyed and that make your body and mind feel healthier. This comes as your child gains more independence. You are in the thickest thick of it right now, but it truly will get better.
Lastly, do you have a partner/co-parent? I am willing to bet that they are not helping you as much as you should be helped. But this is so often the case. An approach that helped me was having a date night with my partner and when the mood was light/our dynamic was easygoing, suggesting splitting up some times each week to be the primary parent. I.e. Monday and Friday evenings your partner is primary parent (meaning that even if you’re in the house, your partner executes the meals, bedtime, bath, while you have the option of helping when you have the capacity but also of leaving the room. or you can leave the house altogether). Having this structure in place can help you plan restorative things for yourself: time with friends, light exercise, shopping, sitting alone in your car, whatever you want.
First of all…it was really brave saying (typing?) this out loud. I feel like all I ever heard before having my child was that I’d be blissed out by a tidal wave of pure love I’d never known before. When birth was traumatic and the first year was all you described (difficult, lonely, a time where I didn’t recognize my own mind or body and had little agency or joy) I felt like something was wrong with me.
I don’t have much advice beyond what others have shared here (be honest, seek help from your loved ones and doctor) but I will say that it gets better. Nothing could possibly prepare you for the transition you’re going through (you’re becoming a new version of yourself and that’s super uncomfortable) or how much hormones and childbirth mess with your brain and emotions. I feared I’d never be able to think straight again and that no one would ever want to hear me talk again because all I could think about was breastfeeding. I regretted it a little too. My daughter is a teen now, I finished my PhD, and I can honestly say this journey has been the most rewarding aspect of my life. The first year was hard, but loving her (and introducing her to the whole world!) has been the greatest joy. It’ll get better, I promise. You’ll come back to yourself and mothering won’t feel so impossible and lonely.
I found the stage around 8-16 months to be the hardest. Once my daughter began to walk, talk and could be a little more independent, things got way easier mentally. More challenging overall, but I didn’t feel horrible like I did in the pre toddler era.
Reach out to your doctors and see if there are any resources.
Are you getting help or a break sometimes? NO mother does it all by herself easily. Sometimes all you need is 1 hour and do whatever you want.
Also you cannot get medical help if no one can babysit long enough for you to talk to a doctor.
Get on antidepressants. You don’t have to suffer! I am STILL on them and my kids are teenagers. You are not alone! Being a mom is the hardest job ever!
This infant baby is not “snapping at” YOU. She is performing very normal and needed developmental connection bids and you’ve been meeting them with anger.
Where is the father?
Where is your mother?
You need help.
Bless u mama <3 It sounds like you have postnatal depression. I felt like that too the first while.
Hes nearly 2 now and im only kind of feeling back to myself emotionally. But definitely less reactive and depressed than i was.
My advice would be to find some help from family or friends even an hour a day just for you to have a break to yourself and maybe have time to shower and show a bit of love to yourself. I know it can be hard to find the time or want, but its possible.
Just know all of this is only a matter of time, the days feel so so so long, but the months and years fly by. Trust me.
You are your babys whole world, its such a crushing weight but also a gift. That baby loves you so much, and is the only human in the world who will love you unconditionally. I know it hard but you gotta just keep going. Forgive yourself and promise to do the best u can (i.e emotional reactions etc) for your baba.
You got this mama! You can be the kind of mum you want for her and for yourself. <3
P. S we will always feel guilty and like we can do more for our kids. Once youre doing ur best thats all u can do.
You are doing a fantastic job.
Being a new parent is incredible difficult and sometimes feeling disconnected from everything – even your baby – can be part of it.
I have 3 kids and each time it has been a struggle and each time I have tried to learn to be a little less selfish but it is DIFFICULT!
Just keep going, even making it out of the house is an achievement with a little person who can’t walk talk or do anything for themselves.
I can’t offer advice on what to do to make yourself feel better, as I’m not totally sure that I don’t regret becoming a parent despite my 3 people relatively grown. But what I can tell you is that my wife had the exact same feelings as you, more or less, and is the best mother.
Mom to an 18 month old beautiful sweet girl here, and I feel this so deeply. I’ve been in and out of these exact feelings for a long time, I know how hard it is. I think a lot of mine stemmed from not having enough “me” time. I was never away from her and I just desperately needed a break (sometimes a few days a week I needed a couple hours). Once my mom started taking her in the mornings 2 days a week things got so much better. If I’m having a particularly rough day my mom or husband will take her for an hour or two. Things like this just really really helped.
I still struggle with these feelings though and it’s been months of me having to accept this is the new me and my new life. It’s almost like a grieving process that I’m still currently going through and just riding the waves.
You’ve gotten some other great advice here, but I do just want to reassure you it will get easier. I’m proud of you for pushing through even when it feels impossible. 🩷
First I want to say that to some degree, I think every single new mom goes through this. We don’t talk about or appreciate enough the mental, emotional, and physical toll pregnancy and early motherhood has on the body and mind. Your body is still healing from pregnancy and birth. Your body is still adjusting hormones (especially if breastfeeding). You are still adapting to going from being you to being a mom. It is like death of the old self. You’re still getting to know this new you. I have no scientific evidence of this but my own experience and what I’ve talked about with other moms, but I truly think the brain protects us by making us a little numb in this time period. If we felt the true weight of it all we’d all lose our minds. I didn’t start to feel “normal” until my youngest was about 3, which was about 6 months after I stopped breastfeeding.
I say that to say, what you’re explaining is actually very normal – to a point. That said, you don’t have to suffer. If you are showing signs of PPD, or PPA, or in general are suffering, feeling totally disconnected from everything, or having harmful thoughts, none of that is normal, and you should see your GP for help. They will point you in the right direction. It might be meds, therapy, or a mix of both.
The important thing I want you to know is that either way, it’s temporary. This is not forever. You will find your normal again, you will feel like yourself in your own body and brain again. Whether it’s adjusting to new motherhood or something more, it’s all temporary and fixable. But you don’t have to suffer through it.
I know what you are going through. My son had colic and didn’t sleep through the night consistently until he was 4 years old. I’m not exaggerating either. I know the feeling of being so tired, you can’t think. It’s really stressful. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The great thing about kids is they grow, get older and learn and you can reason with them. I know it’s hard now, do your best, it will get easier. I know because I’ve been there. My son is grown now and of course sleeps for 12 hours straight.
Parenting is HARD. Im not a parent, but I had to pick up the slack with raising my siblings when I was younger. It was so hard not to get completely absorbed by making sure their needs were met at the expense of my own, and if all you’ve been doing is looking after your kid, there’s a really good chance you’ve been neglecting your own needs. I know it’s hard to do when you have kids, but adding in some self care for you might help a lot with how you’re feeling.
If it’s just you and the baby at home, maybe going on a walk could be helpful. Fresh air and a break to the routine can be really beneficial. Id also look into support groups, events at the library, and other places you can go with your kiddo to get out of the house and socialize. Hell, even something as simple as a nice bath or reading a book you enjoy during nap time could help you stay sane and reconnect with yourself. I have a bad habit of isolating myself too much, and I always end up feeling numb, empty, and invisible until I finally realize what I’ve been doing and meet up with friends.
I’d also recommend talking to a therapist and a doctor to make sure you’re ok from a health standpoint and have someone to talk to about parenting struggles. I think most, if not all, people could benefit from therapy, especially during big life changes like becoming a parent. There’s so much pressure to do everything “right,” and it’s not like every kid is a cookie-cutter example of the “perfect baby” because the “perfect baby” doesn’t exist. All that matters is that you and your kid are happy, healthy (or as healthy as you can be if there’s medical shenanigans), and loved.
You might fuck up sometimes, but every parent does. It’s ok to not be perfect. If you have people you can lean on, do it. There’s a reason the saying “it takes a village” exists, and it’s because parenting, or even just existing as a person, is hard sometimes. We need community, and that’s not a bad or selfish thing to yearn for.
Sorry you are feeling this. It is likey post partum depression. Millions of women suffer this and get through it with help. Talk to your doctor and they will point you in the right direction.
Depending on the country your in you could refer to mental health team as they are usually really quick to accept new mums into counselling. I’ve had CBT with both babies as my anxiety just goes through the roof when I’m postnatal.
With my first I felt tired to my core and it made my anxiety worse and I struggled to go out which fed into the cycle of isolation that was felt a little like what you’re describing. I really would recommend nourishing yourself with healthy food as hard as it may be but the first step to feeling healthier is by taking little steps of self care. Could even make like energy balls that you and the baby can eat.
I found the baby stage very hard but everything started feeling a lot easier from about 14 months when I started getting a lot more feedback from him and his personality grew and we started having a laugh together, now he is truly soooo fun to be around and it’s way more enjoyable going places with him because he genuinely thrives on the environment.
Hang in there, becoming a mum is a right of passage and a fucking hard one! <3
The same children learn what they live is pretty true in a lot of cases.
Mama, change your tactic about snapping at your daughter.
Learn to count to 10 and walk away from her.
She’s learning behaviors (snapping back at you ) you don’t want because you’re tired .
Being tired is OK we were all tired at this stage.
Just remember that within a few months, things will get a lot easier .
Find a friend that you can trade babysitting with. I used to do this. I had a friend that had children around the very same ages of mine and once a week we would take our kids to each other for a couple of hours.
Let let a relative watch your baby for an hour. You’re not a bad mom if you let someone watch your baby for a little bit.
Now, if you actually think it’s PPD, go see the doctor don’t deal with us on your own . There’s nothing wrong with being medicated for this.
If your partner isn’t helping you, he should be. You should be allowed to take a shower by yourself and just rest for an hour or two when he’s home.
Childcare is something you’re both responsible for not just mama.
(((Hugs))))
My mother always told me that “ if every need is met and the baby is just crying let it, put it in its crib/safe soft place and leave the room for 1 minute. If the baby is crying it’s alive. It’s better that it cries alone for a second than the mother loosing her mind and doing somthing she would regret.” You’re doing everything I’m sure. Like others said please talk to your GP or at your baby’s next appointment talk to them. It sounds so over used but you’re not alone. Look into your city’s classes for mom days at the library/park. If you go to church talk to the moms there or see if they have groups. If you have any family/neighbors to come over for even just 20 minutes let them, even if the house isn’t clean. Let them take over for however long you feel comfortable and go outside, sit in your car, sit in your shower with the water on. Do something even small just for yourself. Could be getting ice cream, playing loud music, coloring aggressively in a book. Please reach out to someone..
Get the huckleberry app. Maybe your baby isn’t sleeping enough and that’s why she’s fussy/needy. At 8 months the she should still be on atleast a 3 nap day.
I fully agree with others who urge you to call your ObGyn to discuss postpartum depression. I also encourage you to leave the house. My kids are teens, but when they were babies, being IN the world with adults was a huge benefit. I actually loved going back to work (a dirty secret women aren’t supposed to admit). It made me feel fulfilled in a way infant care didn’t. My kids are now in high school and we have a wonderful relationship. Me working during their childhood did not affect their long-term outcomes.
Awww it’s ok love! I had two kids. Now 6 and 11. And a new puppy just recently. It’s so hard dear. I can give you a tarot reading if it helps any dear? ❤️
You have got this. Take time for yourself. Get a sitter a couple hours a day if you can. Take care of your self. But you should see a doctor and see if maybe you need to be on a medication. Being a mother is hard ! But you have been given one of Gods greatest blessings. Just breathe and you will get it under control. Sending good vibes to you
Please go to or call your OBGYN immediately. You probably have PPD. When I went through it no one talked about PPD (35 years ago). It took me a lot of Doctors & tests before anyone understood what was happening to me. Please try to find friends or other mothers or groups ( where you take the baby) you will be surprised how many others are going through the same thing. Find a babysitter & go get yourself pampered. Medication will definitely help you. (it saved my life), but it’s not an easy fix either. You also need to understand that there is no right or wrong way to be a Mother. That’s what gets us Mother’s upset & feel like failures, because we want everything to be perfect & correct. When we realize that life is just going to be ups & downs & what you yourself make of it, things will start to get easier. When you learn how to handle the difficult situations that go with Motherhood pieces of the puzzle will start to fit.Having your first baby is always the hardest, I don’t know if you have family, friends or a husband to help you or advice you, but please go to your Doctor soon.
He /she will get you the mental health help you need. Just remember you need to do what works for you. Good luck & hope this helps.
Motherhood is hard but there is help for you mentally and if you have family near they can help physically. As new moms we think we have to do it all or someone will say we are a “bad mom”. Well that’s not true, reaching out for help is being a strong mom. I would schedule to be seen by either your GP or OBGYN don’t wait til the next appointment unless it is in the next 2 to 3 days tops. Something’s I had to learn as a new mom was it is ok for the to cry. If you need a break make sure she is in a safe place like a play pin or her crib and just go outside for a few minutes. They have to learn how to self soothe and a 5 minute cry is not going to hurt her. But the five minutes of pure alone time can really benefit you. Family and close friends if you talk to them I am sure would sit with her for you to take a nap, I did it for my stepdaughter. If she doesn’t have one get her a walker so she can start exploring and building indepenndenc it was a game changer for me. Hope all gets better soon.
I don’t have any advice, but just wanted to recognize that motherhood is so hard, and also some babies are much harder than others. Sounds like yours is on the challenging side.
Please, if you are able to get support (husband, in laws), get them to help with either taking care of baby or cooking). Use every possible minute to catch up on sleep – without that you will not be able to get better.
I had vastly different experiences with my two kids, and was also depressed with the first as a result. Aim to just survive, ask for help if you can (some people are not observant and may not understand how much you are struggling even if they live with you) and do not compare yourself to other moms. You are doing the best that you can and that first year is the hardest thing many moms go through)
Story as old as time, just keep working and it will pass
I am in the same situation and I totally know how you feel.. my son is just 7 months old now. I got postpartum depression and now I am back to work due to financial reason. What helped me is counseling and getting help from whoever offered . Every day I am still extremely tired from work and taking care of the baby, but I start to see some hope. I am also taking medicine prescribed by my doctor to help me control my mood. Hang in there, things will get better soon
Looks like all of these comments are giving pretty sound advice, please reach out if you have the strength. Parenting is so hard, I have 2 and I had PPR with both. It’s torture, but you’re doing a great job. It will pass even though I know it doesn’t feel like it. Therapy helped me cope, wishing you the best.
It is hard but it does get better. Once they start sleeping. Have you added cereal to baby diet yet? Mine slept so much better once I did. I also switched to lactose free formula.
Your baby is probably in the separation anxiety stage…which is a totally normal stage for her and yes it’s taxing. I’d try to go for stroller walks, car rides, and play soft music. Teething can be a beast, lots of crying for months and no tooth. Let her chew on frozen teething rings, popsicles (there is even silicone molds to make breast milk popsicles). Sometimes even a frozen baby wash cloth works wonders or a warm bath. They sell Camille drops that can help or natural Orajel. Things will get better. Reach out to your husband, friends, family, healthcare providers or mother group. I’d try reading a book, take a bath, take time to exercise while putting her in safe place like a baby bed or play pin. It will get better ❤️🩹
Have you by chance started weaning? The hormones when weaning are nuts and no one talks about it. I thought I was going crazy, crying at work etc.
Are you a stay at home parent? It’s not for everyone, and there’s no shame in deciding it’s not for you.
My wife suffered from a bad bout of PPD. The best medicine for her was getting out of the house and being around other people. She felt very trapped at home which sounds similar to some of your feelings. She did seek out professional help which was good but also just getting back out in public or out from under our roof was great medicine. She’s got a good therapist now that has helped her learn coping mechanisms and ways to feel depressive episodes coming and intervene before they become bad.
please reach out to your doctor or a mental health professional and tell them exactly what you just shared here. you deserve support treatment and rest
Life is about suffering and sacrifice. Hold on
I also have a 9 month old and it’s rough. Living the same days over and over and it can be hard. I strongly suggest talking to a doctor about post partum depression. Just please remember you are never alone in this mama
My sister went through this when my niece was born. Its post partum depression and it can be very serious if you dont get some help. She sees a therapist and has helped her get through it. My niece is 5 now and she is much better. I also have a 2 year old and that first year is rough especially on the mother. Please seek help. Talk to your pediatrician and ask about what to do. Just know it’s a severe chemical imbalance and cant be treated. You can do this!!
It takes a village to raise a child. Have you no help from your parents, partners, in laws? Anyone would go insane looking after a baby primarily by themselves. You need a break, you need outside contact.
Where is the baby daddy he should be helping
It is hard, but you can do this. You are attributing emotions to her ( “she gets mad”) that are surely impacting the way you see the relationship. Always remember- she is not giving you a hard time, she is having a hard time. You are everything to her right now, and that feels like a lot. I agree with people suggesting you may be experiencing postpartum depression. Please reach out for support. You’ve got this, mama 💙
Humans did not evolve to take care of babies in an isolated one-on-one setting. Much talk about motherhood is just moral bullshit.
Any parent missing the support of their spouse has a problem within their relationship. Added to that the absence of a circle of people in the vicinity in the same situation with whom you can bond and share responsibilities.
So your feelings really are normal. You need support. You need time for yourself. You need exchange with parents in comparable situations.
Also, your kid grows and things will change fast.
But first and foremost: you need and deserve help. Don’t normalise an abnormal situation.
It w pass. Love w replace fatigue.
My post partum depression didn’t show up until I stopped nursing. I had no clue what was happening to me and neither did my doctors. I only recognized it after years and new information coming out. Please seek help. This is all likely physical and you can get help. Your baby may be picking up on your distress and acting accordingly. It is not your fault and better days are ahead.
this is heavy, but thank you for being honest about it. motherhood isn’t all rainbows, it’s brutal and isolating sometimes, and what you’re describing really does sound like ppd + burnout. you’re not broken, you’re just drowning without enough support. good on you for calling your ob—that’s a huge step. lean on every bit of help you can get, even if it feels small. you deserve rest, food, and to feel like you again, not just “mom”
This is exactly how I feel. I have become so underweight and I’m just so tired down into my bones. I never get a break and it’s so hard doing everything on your own. My daughter is one week from 8 months! Nothing brings me joy. Idk, just know you put how I feel into words, this post made me cry.
Postpartum is so poorly understood, and easily dismissed. Even PPD can be written off by treating with SSRI’s, which will work, but mostly just by making you care less that you are feeling this way, and can function.
However, as someone who went that route 30 years ago, please seek help from someone beyond your general practitioner.
PPD can, and usually does manifest from hormonal shifts, but buried deeper can be the anguish of childhood trauma or even generational trauma that is needing to be met.
There is so much more knowledge these days around how to treat these symptoms, that includes deep work, but from where I stand now, my children would have benefited so much more from a supported mother in healing, as opposed to a suppressed mother on meds.
And I’m NOT saying SSRI’s are useless, just that they are not an end all solution, but many practitioners will prescribe them without providing the needed modalities to make permanent changes needed to wean off in appropriate time. They are intended for short term use.
I wish you comfort and healing.
You’re doing great mama ❤️ you’re not alone and you’re doing a wonderful job x I hope you can get some support to feel like yourself again xx