I (27NB) was child free most of my life due to some fucked up shit growing up. Fast forward to 2019 and I met my now husband (29M currently). Told him I didn’t want a kid, he agreed, time passes and we get married. Later he tells me he figured I’d change my mind on havin a kid as we got older, which really pissed me off but I did. He’s a wonderful man, we have a great relationship, and I know he would be a good father unlike mine and the men in my family.
Fast forward to 2025; been married five years, we just bought a house, good jobs, life was great, but watching it all steadily decline under the new administration and I feel the walls closing in on the life I knew. He was upset at me wanting an IUD because there’s no way the government will take away birth control, I told him that hurt and did it anyway. He apologized for not being supportive and understood my choice.
I changed my mind (again) and have no interest in being a parent. I realized that it’s not just childhood trauma or politics or the work involved, I just straight up do not want to be a parent. At all. He’s hoping things get better after the next election and I’ll change my mind again.
We’ve been talking about this for months and have considered divorce, I’ve told him that I don’t want to take his dreams of fatherhood away from him and will leave so he can pursue that but he doesn’t want to. He wants to be with me.
TL:DR: he’s hoping I change my mind on wanting a kid and I’m hoping he changes his on not wanting them. I don’t think he will and I’m trying to figure out how to let him go so he can pursue the life he wants or listen to him and let him make the decision to leave if he’s really that adamant on having a child.
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He fucked it up with going forward with the relationship, yeah sometimes people can change but some they will never change.
If you don’t want to be a parent and he does, you’re simply not compatible and need to let go.
You’re right, because you two aren’t compatible. If it were me, I would also be dismayed by him saying no kids was fine while at the same time he was thinking you would change your mind. Does he think he knows better what you want and what’s important to you than you do? Did he think he could somehow convince you to change your mind? Him being upset over you getting an IUD combined with him thinking you’d change your mind has me concerned a wee bit that he doesn’t entirely respect you as his equal or at least enough to recognize you deserve as much bodily autonomy as everyone else. Nothing you’ve said screams major lack of respect but it does mutter it just loudly enough to be slightly detectable.
Either he wants to be with you badly enough that he lets go of his desire for parenthood (and hopefully doesn’t resent you later for it), or you both go your separate ways and pursue the lives you want to have.
He can’t have his cake and eat it, too. He will need to pick one or the other, and you’ll have to hope he’s truly content with his decision. Whatever that may be.
There are SO many people who do the “I assumed you’d change your mind in the future” and it’s fking horrible. I also don’t understand why they think it’s a good idea to waste all that time, effort, and money??