For the record no, I’ve never cheated and would never cheat. It’s an awful thing to do to a person. But I think I understand why some people, who seem to be in such strong happy relationships, eventually find themselves in such a situation. I love my fiancé, he’s a good man, a good person. But I’m only his second partner ever and I’m starting to see the issues that is causing. He’s never been much of a romantic, but I am. We’ve been together for 7 years. Lately it’s been starting to feel like he’s more like a friend that I’m living with than a partner. We barely have sex, which isn’t a huge deal, but when we do it’s usually him getting off and me left to take care of myself. He tries to help sometimes, but lately he just gets goofy, doing some stupid body builder pose while giggling like an idiot. It turns me off, and it’s gotten so bad that I just tell him to get out now so I can focus. We don’t go on dates, we go out and eat. We don’t cuddle, we just sit on our phones in bed. I’m just dying to be seduced. I want to feel desired and wanted, like that feeling of just starting a new relationship when sparks are flying and hearts are racing. I get why someone would want to seek that out. And I can’t talk to him about it, because all he does is get defensive. If he’s content with everything I’m doing, then what more am I to do? Apparently that doesn’t give me the right to ask for more.
Comments
I feel like I wrote this myself 🥺. It makes you feel so guilty (at least, me) to feel this way. But really all you want is both the person you love, and to be loved.
Is it really worth staying in this relationship? You deserve to get what you need out of your relationship and it doesn’t sound like that is likely to happen. Are you willing to settle for this forever?
You’ve been with your fiance for 7 years, but you can’t talk to him about this?
You’re about to MARRY this person. It’s not going to magically get better if you don’t talk about it like adults.
Whyyy are you in this relationship?
In never wanting to be a cheater even toward people I was dating for convenience. I’ve always considered if you have such thoughts of unsatisfaction in a relationship and can’t talk to them about it. You may as well break up so that you are not a cheater or resentful/bitter at being faithful to someone when you feel that way.
I thought when I got married we would act more like a married couple. We continued to live like roommates, roommates with kids. Trust me, it wasn’t until I was out of it that I realized how much it sucked and life is better now.
You’re talking as if the only two options are stay in a relationship that isn’t meeting your needs, or cheat.
Another option is that you could enjoy being single until you meet someone who you’re more compatible with and end up in a relationship that meets your needs.
You shouldn’t be sympathetic to cheaters lol. Nobody is putting a gun to your heads, anything you do repeatedly stops being exciting, that’s just how life works. I’ve known women who never want that feeling of excitement to go away. Guess what they do? They have endless amounts of short-term boyfriends and never have kids. That life is yours if you want it. Don’t break your SO’s heart…
You have to make him open up about this.
There is no reason to get defensive.
You have to make him understand how much it bothers you.
And then i would consider twice about that marriage, if you already have these issues now.
7 years is a long time, but for marriage, its nothing, and you HAVE to be able to work through this, as a team.
Reddit will tell you to leave him, thats their standard response for litterily everything, but 7 years is worth to fight for if this is the only issue in my opinion.
Maybe don’t marry this person, you don’t really sound happy. At all. Save both of you the trouble and heartbreak of a future divorce.
Maybe don’t marry this person, you don’t really sound happy. At all. Save both of you the trouble and heartbreak of a future divorce.