My Husband and I have been together for 3 years. He’s overall and very nice guy but the issues we have- to me, now seem like a deal breaker. My husband has been caught multiple times on secret hook up sites. He doesn’t act on them but they seem to help get him off. To me I’d be more understanding if he was straightforward about it. It’s the lying for me that pisses me off. Lately it’s made me realize other issues too. See he comes from a traditional family where you don’t move out until you’re married whereas I had to move out at 18. We’re both 32 but sometimes my husband acts oblivious like a child. Idk if I’m being to about this or actually what to do.
I THINK I want to Divorce my husband?
r/Advice
Comments
If you dont have kids to worry about end things now while youre both still young enough and hot enough to find someone else young and hot
Yes, you deserve better. God bless you
Damnnnnnn, what waste in a marriage.
It’s only going to get worse. Get out
I’ve been there. Sit down and talk about your goals and how you can accomplish them together. If he’s not getting it, then leave him. Divorce doesnt have to be a bad thing. I’m here if you want to chat it out 38/f
I would say to try and work thing out and not give up on him if your truly love him. But it does sound like he’s the one who’s not in love or is just not worried about losing you. Before you divorce him or start that process I would suggest a really good open honest heart to heart and try to get to the root of the problem. If you don’t feel sincere honesty and truth from him then you deserve better and you should move on with your life. Marriage isn’t easy but it’s definitely worth the hard work. I wish you the best and I hope he sees what he has with you❤️
Voice to text so sorry if I’m missing any punctuation .. I was in a relationship with guy that would do very similar things I’d catch him and he say it was nothing that it was just entertainment and he liked the rush of secretly chatting to someone he said he didn’t care if it was not even the right person on the other end it that he was just bored and never acted on his words it was just something to turn him on .. we were together for a year when this happened and I found out that he was unfaithful the entire time we’re together and he was a sx addict.. I found out he did actually act on those messages because i found evidence of it and it broke me. I caught him several times and the third time I seen the messages and even pictures and video and I was disgusted. I think I knew all along but until the point where I was ready to move on and I actually did more digging and found out more things that I would never have known because I don’t think I was ready to end the relationship so that’s why I didn’t actually look more when I found the first couple times..
Just know anything in secret in any relationship is wrong and he knew it was wrong and I have a feeling your man knows the same .. not to say that he acted on any of them like mine did but that in general is temptation that is going to lead to eventually acting on it..
Good luck honey and I pray that you don’t have any children to have to go through this and if you do stay strong. single mother of two here so you can definitely message me if you want privately 💜
90% of men in this country are porn addicts so good luck.
If you’re thinking about divorce three years in, you’re not in a good relationship. It sounds like you’re looking for permission to end it, so I’m granting it. Do what’s right for you.
Please do yourself a favor and move on. This is not acceptable behavior from any parent man or woman. Especially if you have no kids run as fast as you can.
Leave, it will only escalate….speaking from experience.
Hey OP
My personal opinion is that unless there is real abuse (physical or psychological) going on, you should work at saving a marriage (or any long term relationship) and not just walk away from it. Not saying you should never walk away but I believe both partners should be making an effort.
It sounds like you guys need counselling, from what you’ve described of your partners background he’s probably ashamed of his kink/fetish which is why he’s secretive about it. He may actually need seperate specialised support for this.
It’s pretty easy to tell if a partner wants to put in effort and work on themselves. If he shows signs of wanting to be more open and willing to work through things then stick around and work through it. If he acts like nothing is wrong and won’t accept there are issues then walk away.
Edit: kids do complicate things, so best to defer them if you guys were planning on starting a family until you work this out.
Maybe your husband has a hyperactive limbic system from stress and this is his release. Try counselling first
I didn’t even finish reading it. You have been with him for three years and caught him on multiple hookup sites? Life is short. Don’t waste yours on a man child.
If you want to get a divorce then get a divorce. You know whether your relationship is working, if it’s healthy, if you want the rest of your life to be like this or not. Simple
Lots of future lonely cat ladies rushing to suggest getting a divorce on the thread
Marriage is a work in progress and not always easy. Go to a marriage counselor! Incidentally I’ve been married 25 years today!
Create a profile on the site and see if he meets up with you
How about marriage counseling, that’s a thing
A lot of men get off on what is disgusting as opposed to what is sexual. It makes you wonder of a time when just touching someone’s hand was a turn on not because people were more innocent or more romantic, but it was because that was considered “dirty” then.
Men say marriages don’t last because women are now more independent and have high standards/no loyalty. On the women’s side, I think they see just how hopeless men are due to easy sex. They can order online like grubhub or find any woman trying to lighten up their bloodline.
On the one hand, he just gets off on that stuff and maybe is trying to quell his need for variety in a safe environment. On the other hand, you now worry that if he finds “better”, you’ll be dropped in no time.
32?? Nahhhhhhh. Leave. Leave yesterday. Do not try to “work it out”. He’s also not just using those sites to get off
Get out before you’re really stuck. 3 years in and he’s lying and on sites already, no. You married a man child who doesn’t have any respect for you. It’s only going to get worse as you will be his new mom
Honestly if you love the man I would try to work through it.
Leave. Still have plenty of time to meet somebody else.