We were married for 7 years now divorced. But the marriage has left me with scars, I feel too damaged to date and I don’t want to bring up this fuckuped shit with future dates but I don’t know how to deal with or move on from what happened. I feel ashamed.
In our last 3 years of marriage my husband told me about his kink of being a cuck. He had already found a guy for me to try it out. I thought what’s the harm so we tried it out. We would do this twice a year then it became more frequent. I started liking it initially before it became weird. He would slut shame me if I went to met the guy without him despite of having his approval and sometimes encouragment to do so. His fantasies started getting weird. Once he forced me to blow a guy even though I didn’t want to. Once he got a guy home without telling me anything until the last minute like it was a surprise to him to him as well. This particular guy I wasn’t attracted to at all and he knew it yet he kept talking to that guy and encouraged him. And when he got him home, this guy came with expensive gifts for my husband.
One day I went through his phone was found that he was chatting with some guys about pimping me. They had discussed cost and everything. I think he was probably jerking off to this chat. I found him following lots of thirst traps on Instagram. He would comment disgusting lustful things on those posts. He was even following girls who were clearly underage. It was so fucked up. If you keep all the sex aside our marriage was still shit. He was otherwise verbally abusive even got physical. He was fucked in his head and marrying him fucked my head up too. I feel so stupid to have listened to him and loved him.
I think I woke up when I saw the Insta account where he was following the young girls like clearly underage. NEVER in my wildest nightmare did I expect him to do that shit. It hurts me. His kinks his mistreatment everything hurts like hell. Who was he I don’t know anymore?? I can’t talk about this to anyone I know. The last time I had sex I cried because I felt ashamed probably because of all the slut shaming. I want to move on I want to forget everything and just live a normal life which I am pretty sure he is.
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This is beyond Reddit’s paygrade. You have trauma and probably PTSD. It’s going to take time to heal. I strongly encourage you to find a therapist who specialises (or has experience with) in (sexual) trauma/PTSD.
Yeah this is where it broke down “I thought what’s the harm so we tried it out.” you could have pulled the rip cord at this point.
This is a real crappy situation and I do feel bad for ya, but just realize that it was entirely messed up and you are lucky to come away without life threatening STDs or getting pregnant by a random guy.
Look at your life as a restart, and just put all that all behind best ya can.
I hope you reported him
Omg?? Girl GET THERAPY IMMEDIATELY! I don’t know you but I’m FUMING! Oh to be a mutual friend to you and this disgusting man, I would’ve made his life utterly miserable. Please if you want any form of satisfaction (vengeance) report him for pedophilia.