Brown is my favorite color, but I suppose that goes without saying.
I’m a 25 year old dude with naturally jet black colored hair but I’ve always felt so…downcast, gloomy, dejected, uninspired, even insecure with my black hair. Not that there is anything wrong with black colored hair, it looks beautiful and so many people, including my own mother, rock their raven locks beautifully. But I’ve never had an affinity for my own personal black colored hair.
I know a good amount of people seek to alter their hair color to blonde, but it’s never been a color that has piqued my interest (although, just like black colored hair, blonde hair looks beautiful and harmonious on other people). I did have my hair dyed red for a time, but I didn’t find it to be flattering on me, neither the ginger-copper variety nor the burgundy-wine variety. None of the unnatural, vivid/fantasy colors appeal to me, nothing personal against them or the many people who rock them wonderfully.
But my oh my, do I love having my hair dyed brown, more specifically the rich warm milk chocolate chestnut hue! It may not be regal like midnight sky drenched black hair nor iconic like bubbly sun kissed golden blonde nor visually stunning like phoenix flamed red nor ethereal like the easel of fantasy colors.
But having brown hair, even if artificial, feels so rich yet boring at the same time. Ordinary but so extraordinary. It’s like carrying a cloud of sweet brown sugar with me everywhere I go, it elevates my mood, my confidence, my happiness. I even have my eyebrows dyed brown to match and it elevates my confidence and joy that much more!
Having brown hair also gives me the ability to not let other insecurities about myself get to me. For example, I have a bad pimple day or my eyes look particularly tired, it’s like it doesn’t matter because I have brown hair and that gives me confidence to carry on through the day with a big smile despite any of my physical blemishes or flaws. In fact, having brown hair encourages me to take better care of myself in others ways—it motivates me to hit the gym more, to stick to my skincare routine, to dress nicely, to be more social, to dedicate more free time to reading and researching and studying.
With my natural black hair, I lose my confidence, my willpower, my motivation. I just walk around with my head down, avoiding my problems, avoiding talking with people.
The problem is that, to maintain my confidence, I have to regularly get my hair and eyebrows dyed brown, which as you can imagine, ends up costing a lot of money, especially since I got to a high quality salon that uses organic products and I leave hefty tips. So I work more hours at work to fund this, which I don’t necessarily mind because I truly love being a brunet, but it’s such a hassle having to dye my hair all the time to maintain my confidence, especially since my natural hair grows so fast and I have short hair. I wish I could tattoo my hair permanently brown!
I guess, I’m looking for perspective. Is my reliance on having my hair dyed brown to bolster my confidence reaching unhealthy levels or am I just overthinking things? I mean, I won’t go to job interviews, big social outings, parties unless my hair and eyebrows are dyed brown. I’ve pushed back taking online tutoring lessons until I’ve had the chance to re-dye my hair back to brown because I don’t want my potential tutor to see me with my natural black colored hair. It’s like I am putting a pause on life until I have dyed my hair brown. Dyeing my hair and eyebrows brown gives me so much confidence, but I increasingly feel reliant upon having brown hair to feel confident. I feel increasingly incomplete and insecure, even gross, with my natural black colored hair.
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My hair is naturally brown. It’s so boring to me. There’s nothing wrong with brown hair, I just don’t like wearing it. I’ve tried loads of colors and dark purple is what I’ve settled on. I change it occasionally but always go back to purple. It’s been almost 10 years and it just feels more me. However, if my roots are showing I genuinely don’t care. I color my hair for me, not for other people.
When it comes to picking a color, do what makes you happy. You definitely sound obsessive about it in ways that could be detrimental to yourselfthough. I think letting it hold you back from doing things like socializing or going to interviews sounds like a real problem. I feel like this is something worth seeking professional help for (therapy, not a colorist) because it’s not just about your hair, but about your confidence and maybe self-esteem. I would also be concerned about the financial aspect of going to the salon all the time.
If not having your hair, a certain color is interrupting your daily activities in life then yes, you are focusing too much on this.
Your hair color should not be dictating how much willpower you have. if it’s controlling you to this degree you may want to seek professional counseling.
Dude, if you were a woman no one would bat an eye. Women spend tons of money on their appearance and many of them do it for their self esteem. If it helps you, keep doing it.
I am a little concerned that you wont do things if your hair isn’t the perfect color as that seems a little extreme. You might want to work on that, we all have “bad hair days”. BTW you can buy a product to cover the roots between dye jobs very inexpensively. Just google Hair root touch up.
I have dyed my hair and understand the confidence boost. I feel like “me” with my dyed hair and it suits my colouring better.
You prefer how you look with your hair a certain way. Nothing wrong with that.
Yes it’s a hassle for you and an expense… but not enough so that you’re willing to change or feel up to dealing with life with natural coloured hair.
One thing I will say though is that your posture affects your mood. So when you walk around with your head down avoiding eye contact… you’re going to feel more down than you would if you walked with your head up (even if you’re having to force yourself to do it). It’s like your brain goes “huh, I’ve got my head up, I must be meant to feel good, so I’ll release some of those feel good hormones”.
Also, there are confidence tricks to try. Like looking in the mirror and saying “I look great today”. Say it three or four times. Of course you don’t believe it. But say it out loud and with conviction, like you were trying to win an Oscar for best actor. What matters is your brain hears you say it and will eventually start to “believe” you. This can help on the “got roots but too early to re-dye” days.
Dude if you like your hair brown get on a schedule and keep it brown. I spent about 7 years as a redhead.
I kept my color so consistent that people thought I was really a redhead.
Its one thing to feel a little more confident with a certain look but to dodge any social gatherings or other life events due to insecurities isn’t healthy. I get it though. I had ashy brown as my natural color and I was drawn to shades of red. I’m a woman though so its expected that I’ll get my hair done. And yes its expensive! That’s the fun of being a girl. I can change my look on a whim.
Its just hair though. At 41 I had a aneurysm. They shaved half my head for the surgery (bit of an emergency!) I shaved my head when I got out of the hospital. It took some getting used to when looking in the mirror lol. At that point I was just grateful to be alive. What does hair matter when I have a husband and young son who need me?
That’s an extreme situation that you’re thankfully not dealing with. You do need to work on that confidence though. We all have things we don’t like about our appearance. That’s normal. What DO you like about your appearance? Iknow this can be challenging. I had to force myself to stare at myself in the mirror searching for qualities I found attractive. This took a long time. Twenty some odd years later I can look at my face and see beautiful. I can look at my body and see beautiful and strong. At 45 I am at peace with how I look. I like how i look. I can look at pictures of me from when I was so insecure and I laugh at how ridiculous I was. I was always beautiful but I didn’t see it. You’ll get there too.
My advice is go get your hair colored and go talk to a therapist about your confidence.
Gender doesn’t really matter here, many of us have a particular thing we do that makes us feel beautiful and having your hair dyed this particular color makes you feel beautiful. The only note I’d make is if having roots or your color fading makes you feel depressed and flawed in some way, that might be something to talk to a counselor and get some tips on dealing with this “percieved imperfection” and rebuild your confidence without racing to the salon.
As you said, it’s starting to impact your quality of life if you’re spending a significant percentage of your income and having to mess with your work-life balance to afford it and you’re skipping social events and changing appointments just because of needing a refresh.
This sounds a little like dysmorphia, but the thing you’ve latched onto is a small and easy enough fix so this is good and bad: it’s easy to take care of in the short-term but it may have flown under the radar because it was so easy to fix.
It’s perfectly natural to feel a boost when you feel you look good, but it could be veering into unhealthy if you’re less functional when you need a touchup or a redye.
Are you putting too much emphasis on hair color? Yes, so what though. Start watching YouTube videos and master the coloring process yourself. You can do it and it will save money.
It’s not unhealthy or even unusual to have dyed hair. Just ask your stylist for tips on maintaining your hair color better at home. You can touch up your roots yourself pretty easily between visits.