I think I’m in love with my co-worker

My co-worker (M43) and I (F35) have become pretty good friends over the last several months and I’m falling for him, hard. Neither of us supervises the other, but we work very closely together on the same team. I know this is where a lot of you will stop reading and tell me not to pursue this for about a million really good and rational reasons. I hear you, I have given myself the same lecture about a hundred times. I’ve tried to listen to my brain rather than my heart, but my heart is winning by a long-shot at this point.

I can’t figure out if he has any feelings for me beyond friendship. Sometimes I think he might but most of the time I convince myself that I’m delusional. Part of it could be that I refuse to believe anyone is interested in me ever. I’m not good at reading the room in that regard. I also think that I’m trying to prepare myself for rejection. On the other hand, I might be completely correct that he’s not into me.

We work really well together on a professional level but we’re also just good friends. We’ve been through some of the same difficult life experiences and have bonded over that. We go to lunch alone together sometimes and we’ve been talking outside of work more, sometimes messaging for a lot of the evening. We talk about a lot of different things, and more recently, some really deep personal stuff. He called me one night when he was having a rough time with something family-related and we talked for a long time. I admitted to him that I feel safe with him. He said he feels safe with me too and felt those vibes about me since the first day we met. Conversation is easy because we have a lot in common. Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to the male version of myself, but we’re different enough that it isn’t boring. He actually listens to me and puts thought into his replies. But I get mixed signals sometimes. He usually responds to my messages but not always. I have to initiate more often, but sometimes he does too. He’s mentioned a couple of girls he is mildly interested in. To be fair, I’ve talked to him about guys too. But I don’t have any interest in any of those guys anymore and I haven’t been looking. We’ve both shared about what we are looking for in a partner and most of the qualities are the same. The main thing to know is that he is just a really nice, genuine guy all around. It’s obvious by how respectfully he treats other coworkers and listening to him talk about his family and friends. He’s extremely emotionally intelligent. I don’t know if this is just how he is with all of his closer friends. I have no idea how to read the situation.

I really want to shoot my shot but I’m feeling incredibly vulnerable. I don’t think I’ve ever had a connection like this with anyone before. It’s making me question whether I’ve really ever been in love previously, including with my ex-husband. I have a hard time trusting people, especially men, but I think I feel safer with him than anyone else I’ve ever known. I also feel like he just gets me. He makes me feel…seen? I feel like I have to pretend with most people but with him, I can just be me. I also value his friendship a lot and I would never want him to think that I’ve only been a friend to him because I want to hook up with or something.

I’ve considered whether this is limerence but I don’t think it is. Despite gushing about him for several paragraphs, I don’t idolize him. I recognize some of his flaws. I don’t make up future scenarios in my head or daydream about him, other than knowing I want more and wishing I could spend more time with him without seeming desperate and weird. I think about him a lot, but I think some of that is because I’m just so torn about what to do and it always feels like an elephant in the room for me.

So, Reddit advisers, do the signs point toward delusion or is it possible that the feelings are mutual? Is it worth it to tell him or should I continue to pine?