Some background info, my (20M) girlfriend (20F) is the only person I’ve ever had sex with. My girlfriend has 1 previous sexual partner, her long term ex boyfriend who she told me never listened to her during sex and only cared about his needs. She told me how he treated her before we ever had sex so going into things I was extra careful to listen to her.
I don’t know if used is the right word but I don’t know what is but anyway, there is 3 main reasons I feel this way.
-
The 3rd time we ever had sex she shouted at me because I didn’t do enough foreplay even though she had never told me that she wanted to do more, the previous 2 times I had made her finish during foreplay so I thought that was enough. Another time shortly after this, it was the first time I was ever gave head and I told her I didn’t know what to do so she told me to apply more pressure which I thought I did but she shouted at me telling me that I was doing it wrong and that it felt like I was her ex.
-
She gets upset if I turn her down for sex. I try to initiate it but she turns me down most of the time which is fine and I leave it at that, but If I turn her down she will either beg me or be cold towards me. Sometimes I just give in and consent because I feel like otherwise we would never have sex and I do still enjoy it.
-
We have been going out for over a year and she has made me finish 3 times in total. I don’t have a problem with not finishing but I try to make sure she finishes and she has almost every time. I also told her that I would like if she would do more for me during foreplay and because she doesn’t do anything, and I also told her that I would like aftercare because most of the time she goes straight on her phone. I have talked to her about all this and she says she cares and will do better but nothing changes.
I love her but I feel like intimacy is very one sided and I don’t know what to do. If I’m seeing things wrong please tell me I just need some advice, thank you.
Comments
This is a very unhealthy relationship. You deserve someone, loving that talks to you with care. Not someone who yells at the most intimate times. Stand up for yourself and move on.
Sounds like she has had a shit sexual relationship previously and now she is determined to pass it onto someone else like it’s a fucking olympic torch
Set boundaries good communication is key any shouting should bring a close to proceedings
Don’t allow yourself to get shit on you both should be having fun
Leave man, this could end up scarring you in future relationships
> She gets upset if I turn her down for sex. I try to initiate it but she turns me down most of the time
This is actually the standard double standard between men and women.
1&3 taken together means you’re not really a person to her. You’re a role. You need to provide for her needs but you don’t get to have any needs of your own.
Move on, find a better woman that will treat you right.
Sex should be a shared experience, both should have their needs met. It doesn’t seem like she loves or cares about you, I can’t imagine being like that towards someone I love. Sex may be physical but it’s emotional too, doesn’t she like the idea of making you feel good, connecting and having this moment together?
Could she have some sort of dom fantasy, she gets to pick when you guys have sex, and when and if you finish etc.?