My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple months and he seemed to have no problems. He was the perfect man, spending money on me, taking me on dates and spoiling me with love and affection. He had no flaws or at least I thought he didn’t until this weekend. We were driving to my parent’s house and there was a song talking about threesomes playing. I jokingly brought up a threesome and said I would do a threesome if it was all women (I’m bisexual and he knows this.) He then said that he wouldn’t mind that because it’s all women and he would watch but if there was a man involved, then he would leave me. I thought he was joking and left it at that. Then today, when we woke up, I went on tiktok and there was a video of two gay men getting married and I thought it was cute. He looked over my shoulder as that video played and said “is that two men getting married? Ew!” Then proceeds to make a gagging noise. I looked at him confused and asked what was wrong and he said it was “unnatural and gross” but I pointed out that he no problem with me being bi or lesbians and he told me it was because it was hot. That was a huge red flag to me because I think he’s fetishizing lesbians and I’m seriously reconsidering our relationship over this. Is he fetishizing lesbians?
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He’s homophobic – that’s terrible!
And yes, he is fetishizing girl on girl sex, but so do most men that I know. I’d say that’s more of a norm and less of a red flag.
Aren’t lesbians also fetishizing lesbians? Like… also didn’t you basically tell him its okay to do the same thing because you would have a threesome with all women but you wouldn’t include him?
Yikes. He’s fetishizing wlw (women who love women) while being homophobic toward mlm (men who love men). That’s gross and hypocritical. You deserve better.
Your boyfriend is homophobic, regardless of the lesbian thing. For me that’s a break-up worthy offense. Having the same or compatible values is important in any long-term relationship
He’s fetishizing lesbians AND he’s homophobic. I’m willing to bet he likes women kissing for the benefit of men but would find lesbians who don’t appeal to him sexually to also be disgusting. You’re definitely right to want to dump him.
As a bi girl myself, I avoid threesomes or situations where a man could fetishize my interest in women, or use it to justify their desire for a FFM threesome…while being horribly against MMF (due for homophobia, jealousy, or because they don’t want to share the toy that is “theirs”)
Worry less about fantasising over lesbians and worry more that he’s homophobic.
I mean, yeah? Obviously?
You should dump this guy.
He’s immature. Now the ball’s in your court.
I’d be more concerned about the blatant homophobia
unfortunately men do that all the time. I hate it too and it’s wrong but they don’t care
He doth protest too much. He could be deep in a closet.
Homophobia and misogyny go hand in hand. Your BF has no problem with two women having sex because it’s not really sex to him. In his mind it’s performative. It’s always two hot women going at it for his benefit. I’m pretty sure he’d find actual lesbian sex pretty gross.
His reaction to the gay men is homophobic, but there is a potential case for his interest in lesbians being homophobic as well – if he doesn’t support women loving women for their own reasons separate from a performance that can please men, that’s also homophobic. It is not a positive thing that women’s valid relationships with each other gets boiled down to whether it is considered hot to a man’s sensibilities, women’s relationships with other women isn’t porn or erotic entertainment for men.
I would find this deeply concerning if I was a bi woman dating this man – but I would also find him being homophobic to be a deal breaker in itself.
You didn’t include him in the fantasy, I think he’s
It’s less the fetishizing, and more of how he views these relationships in general.
He doesn’t see lesbian relationships as real. They’re hot/fun to him, but ultimately not an actual relationship.
He views gay relationships as gross. Meaning he is homophobic and bigoted, but his bigotry goes deeper.
Without a man involved, he doesn’t respect a woman’s capacity for romantic relationships. He’s not just homophobic, he’s misogynistic also.
At the very least, you need to figure out if he is just making jokes in poor taste, or if he believes these things. If this is actually him, it is probably time to leave. It’s only been a couple of months.
Ew.
The homophobic stuff is horrible but the lesbian thing is more normal than you apparently realize. Most men like watching chick’s.
Mose men are turned on by two feminine hot women. Trust me he doesn’t want to see two average lesbians . As well most straight men don’t want to see two men. It makes them feel odd . Remember women can be a tomboy or a girly girl with pretty dresses. Women can be athletic or not. Men have to be traditional men.
They have to be tall providers have statis to meet women’s high standards. Soft men are not the ones the girls are hooking up with.
Being homophobic totally depends on what you are like about it. You’re either on the same page or not. I’m homophobic definitely but if you’re not on the same page and you do support all that then you’ll find it difficult to be with him.
Edit: if you have a go at me, go suck it because I have no problem being around gay guys or lesbian women but every rainbow flag person I’ve worked with who has been more then just gay or lesbian has treated me like shit from the get go for being straight.
Ew. This is immature teenage boy logic. He’s only 25, it sounds like he still has growing up to do. 10-20 years from now when / if his brain is fully developed, I promise you he wont think like this.
I would say he is probably having fantasies about lesbians having sex which is a common one for men. I doubt it is a fetish.
This is not a good dude
You are seriously reconsidering the relationship and continue to do so. You are only a couple months in and a lot of people begin to show their true colors then. He is anti-gay in multiple ways and dehumanizing people. Continue to reconsider the relationship. This is an enormous red flag in regards to viewing people as people.
Thinking lesbians is hot isn’t the problem here, if anything, that’s a bad-aid excuse to treat them well. The big red flag is his overall problem with homosexuality. A gay wedding is an expression of love, there’s nothing sexual going on even…. so why ew and the other comments, being he’s intolerant of others.
I’d hazard a guess that most straight men fetishize lesbians. Or at least the kind you mostly see in porn. That’s my experience, anyway.