Hi everyone, I’m 24 and I’ve been best friends with someone since we were 18, we got close at the end of school. We spend a lot of time together, and while she’s kind, fun, and full of energy, I’m starting to feel like the friendship has deeply affected me in a negative way, and I honestly feel a bit lost.
She’s very talkative, to the point where I would say she does 90% of the talking when we hang out. I’ve always been the one listening, asking follow-up questions, being curious about her life, remembering the details, making the effort. Over the years, I’ve driven to her house countless times, spent time with her family, and really gotten to know her world. But she’s barely made an effort to know mine. She made a comment before saying she feels like she knows nothing about me. She’s never met my dad properly, hasn’t seen my mum or sister in years, and never really asks about them. She has made subtle judgemental comments about them in the past (where they literally did nothing wrong) she also doesn’t ask about my life much in general, and when she does, she rarely seems genuinely engaged. For example, she always looks off into the distance when I talk (the 10% of the time I can get a word in) but when she talks she doesn’t break eye contact.
Last year, my grandma who I lived with passed away, and not long after that maybe 3 weeks later, I went to visit her at her uni. It was such a hard time for me, but she didn’t even ask how I was doing. She was just in her usual bubbly mood, and it was like she completely forgot I was grieving. That moment really stuck with me.
She’s told me she’s never had any mental health struggles and that she doesn’t really get sad and it feels like there’s no room in our dynamic for me to not be okay. The last 2 years I’ve been feeling pretty depressed and I haven’t been able to open up her. Something else I’ve been struggling with is how much I compare myself to her. Her family is really close, they’re all really involved in each other’s lives. I don’t have that, and being around it sometimes makes me feel a bit sad or left out. She’s also had multiple relationships, where as I have never been in a relationship. I’ve listened to so many stories over the years her relationships, her travels, her family life and I’ve always felt like I don’t have those kinds of experiences to share.
It’s difficult because I do enjoy the fun times we have, she makes me laugh a lot and she’s not a cold person. She’s has done some really nice things for me throughout the years, I just don’t think she’s been there for me emotionally. She’s the only friend I see regularly right now, and that makes all of this harder. I feel emotionally trapped. I don’t know how to move forward. I’m scared to bring this up because I honestly don’t think she’d really understand, and I don’t think she’s the type of person who would change in a subtle or thoughtful way.
Has anyone been through something similar? I’m interested in other peoples opinions on this, and I’m looking for advice on what I should do moving forward.
TL;DR:
I’ve been best friends with someone for 6 years and while we have fun together, I’ve realised our friendship feels one-sided. She talks 90% of the time, rarely asks about my life, and hasn’t really made an effort to get to know me or my family. I’ve supported her through everything, but I feel emotionally unseen, and being around her sometimes makes me compare myself in painful ways. She’s the only friend I see regularly, so I feel stuck and unsure what to do.