Okay, this is some single white female stuff and I don’t even care if I sound paranoid anymore. I (25F) have had the same best friend since high school (25F, let’s call her “L”).
L has always been supportive but also… intense. When I cut my hair in college, she did the same two weeks later. I got a tattoo, she got one in the same spot. I switched my major? She did too.
I thought it was a phase.
But over the last year, it’s gotten unsettling. I started dating my now-boyfriend and she immediately started flirting with him. “As a joke,” she says. She bought the same perfume I wear. Same skincare. Same jacket. Then she dyed her hair the exact same color as mine and told me, “Twinsies!”
What really got me? I recently got a job at a publishing firm I’ve dreamed about for years. She applied there too. Didn’t tell me. I found out from a coworker when her resume showed up in our applicant pool.
I feel like I’m losing my mind. Everyone tells me I should be flattered or that I’m overthinking. But I’m not. It feels like I can’t have anything without her trying to mirror it.
I don’t know how to confront her. Or if I even should. I love her, but I’m starting to feel like she doesn’t love me, she just wants to be me.
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Backup of the post’s body: Okay, this is some single white female stuff and I don’t even care if I sound paranoid anymore. I (25F) have had the same best friend since high school (25F, let’s call her “L”).
L has always been supportive but also… intense. When I cut my hair in college, she did the same two weeks later. I got a tattoo, she got one in the same spot. I switched my major? She did too.
I thought it was a phase.
But over the last year, it’s gotten unsettling. I started dating my now-boyfriend and she immediately started flirting with him. “As a joke,” she says. She bought the same perfume I wear. Same skincare. Same jacket. Then she dyed her hair the exact same color as mine and told me, “Twinsies!”
What really got me? I recently got a job at a publishing firm I’ve dreamed about for years. She applied there too. Didn’t tell me. I found out from a coworker when her resume showed up in our applicant pool.
I feel like I’m losing my mind. Everyone tells me I should be flattered or that I’m overthinking. But I’m not. It feels like I can’t have anything without her trying to mirror it.
I don’t know how to confront her. Or if I even should. I love her, but I’m starting to feel like she doesn’t love me, she just wants to be me.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
It’s worrying for sure. You could always consider a restraining order.
Run!! I had a BEST friend for 9 years who was similar. She was always so upset that I was naturally talented. The friendship ended after she SA’d my now ex bf in my own living room and tried to flip it on him when it finally surfaced. My roommate who witnessed and his best friend who had seen some other things she tried backed up my bf who was mortified and honestly very confused and shaken up.
This is how bad it could get. Your friend might not be like mine was but I wouldn’t take chances with obsession, and it seems like she’s obsessed.
That is next-level toxic. She’s not your friend, she’s your shadow trying to steal your whole life. Nobody needs a twin wannabe who flirts with your boyfriend and applies to your dream job behind your back. You’re better off cutting that energy loose and owning your own path. No one can be you better than you.
Wow. Scary town. I’m not a psychiatrist and not trying to diagnose but this sounds abit like a personality disorder of some sort. Maybe you can look into “indentity enmeshment”.
Since you do love her, I think it’s best to confront her kindly. “It’s starting to feel like you’re copying major parts of my life? Can we talk about it honestly?” or if you think that won’t work, just ask directly and name the things she’s been doing like how you’ve listed it here. And then watch how she responds. Defensive? Or taking accountability?
Basically you can give her a chance to view her actions in your POV and a safe space to explain. If she doesn’t take it and gaslights you instead…then maybe it’s time to create some emotional distance.