So for abit of back story, myself (21F) has known my boyfriend since high school (6 years). His story is that he fell in love with me the minute i transferred to the school, and i believe him! I’ve had a hard time with social cues my whole life so i didn’t get the hint. Honestly i look back and it was so beautiful but anyways. It was only until the end of last year (8 months ago) that i realised what i felt for him wasn’t friendship it was love. Think of it as a Jim and Pam situation (the office reference) now me and him have been together for 7 months now and have been really good friends for about 6 years. We know absolutely everything (pretty much) about eachother and have been there for eachother this whole time. We know the ins and outs and we are so incredibly connected, you could very much call us soulmates. I know he loves me deeply and i love him too.
But here is the kicker. I didn’t know about his girl bestfriend THIS WHOLE TIME. They worked with eachother since young and they were in a work friend group which has fallen apart over time, but they have still kept in touch no interruptions for 7 YEARS. Me and my bf have been friends on and off due to us getting in different relationships and all that stuff over the time frame lol should’ve seen the signs i know. He also admitted that the different phases i went though over time turned him off of me because he didn’t like the way i was acting or portraying myself? i dont know lol. But with tiffany, she has always been there.
At first i didn’t see any problems, but he explained his friendship with her and how it started and it kind of set something off inside of me and this was at the start of the relationship. I went though his phone a while ago and i found conversations between them two from a couple of years ago and they were very flirty, just how me and him were and have been throughout our friendship. I softly confronted him about this and he admitted that they both had feeling for eachother but he shut her down because she cheated on her last relationship (with her current boyfriend of 2 years). I communicated i felt uncomfortable with his friendship with her and he stoped talking to her, this went for a month or two but i felt bad so now they’re communicating again. He definitely felt a type of way about not talking to her but he respected it and wanted to prioritise me. The reason i felt uncomfortable is because they are always talking, always sending eachother voice notes and laughing and it’s not the type of updating communication, it’s the really engaged i want to hear more please tell me more about this topic or about your day type of conversation.
Mind you ive only had one conversation with this girl and it was through text because i replied back to her instagram story. Which he got really weirded out by and has always been weird about us being friends. Tomorrow is her birthday party at her house and we are both going. He has been heavily engaging with her the past couple of weeks and he has been talking to her all night (even right before we were about to get intimate) and that really got to me. I communicated ages ago to him i don’t like when you’re talking to her while with me (we live together) but i told him when you are not spending time with me, sure you can talk to her but please respect that this is our time and our time only, he respected this and agreed. I don’t know if he forgot or he doesn’t care i don’t know. To be honest im really excited for tomorrow night just so i can see how they interact in person. OH AND ALSO, a girl he has slept with and a girl he used to like a lot are going too and funnily enough he doesn’t know anyone else there so he’ll have to interact with them three, and you know it… they’re really good friends.
I’m sure im missing some details but i just dont know what to say or what to do and honestly this was my last resort for advice. Because im either crazy or something is definitely going on whether he is aware of it or not. He’s either ignoring his feelings for her for some reason or has accepted the fact they’re better off friends. But what makes me different to her?They have been through so much together and the way he talks and has talked about her, they are better friends then what me and him were. It’s just they got into different relationships and never explored i guess. I know there’s more that he’s not telling me, but i don’t want to argue with him or make it awkward for tomorrow night. Am i crazy? can anyone else relate to this or has any input i would love it. I’m about to go back to the room now he’s probably asleep (it’s 12:10am). If he’s not asleep he is definitely going to question why i’ve been downstairs for so long but whatever. I will update you guys.
tl;dr me and his girl bsf have know him for around the same time but he’s closer to her, and there’s something going on.
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>I went though his phone a while ago and i found conversations between them two from a couple of years ago
Might want to stop going thru his personal stuff.
Why are you snooping?
you’re not crazy to feel this way. 7 years of flirty, close communication with his girl best friend is a lot, especially since they had feelings before. him talking to her during your “our time” shows he’s not respecting your boundaries.
watch how they act in person, but also be honest with yourself about what you want. if you keep feeling like you’re competing for his attention, it could hurt you more later.
talk to him openly about your feelings, if he truly cares, he’ll listen and respect you and it’s much better just to be clear and get rid of your overthinking.