*I’ve been helping him clean his place after his friends moved out.
We were having a good time cuddling and kissing and then he suddenly said, “I have something pretty bad to tell you.” I didn’t think he was about to tell me about a traumatic experience he had in the past so when he started mentioning this girl that just joined our friends discord chat and how they have romantic history I was already feeling uncomfortable and a bit angry so I stopped the conversation and we went on cleaning until I apologized and asked him to tell me the rest, then he goes on to tell me (in too much detail) how they were trying to have sex (ew) the traumatic thing happened and they didn’t end up having sex, then he goes to talk about how he couldn’t be properly intimate with someone until his relationship before me because of that experience.
I got teary eyed and needed to think about what I was told (alone) so I walked away to the other room and kept cleaning, I didn’t tell him I needed some time and just walked away to clean and think.
He took offense to that which I understand.
We talked more and after we’re done cleaning he drops me off at my place and things seemed better until the text messages. Can anyone tell me what I’m doing wrong? What did I say that made him go off on me?
We’re gonna talk about it more once he gets off work, but that won’t be until around 7 tonight.
P.S. he makes it seem like he listens to me and my problems but he doesn’t care to hear about my day(will cut me off and won’t let me finish) and I’ve told him plenty of times before that he doesn’t listen to me about a lot of things like; my boundaries, my needs, my concerns.
I have told him that I don’t like hearing about him being intimate with other girls before this.
Comments
How do I post the text message pictures?
he is disrespecting you boundaries and ignoring your needs you deserve someone who truly listens and cares about you too.
The title should be “I think I’m going to break up with my boyfriend”.
Why would you stay with him?
I can’t see the text message, but it sounds like he was opening up to you about a problem with intimacy and your reaction was to walk away. Not brilliant. I’d also take his comment about overcoming the issue with you as a huge compliment.
girl i’m reading this like it’s a one-sided situationship with extra chores. he trauma dumped, made you feel small, and still expected emotional labor like you’re his therapist AND maid. like no one’s listening to you but you’re listening to everyone. don’t shrink for someone who don’t even make space.
You have to let go of them because they might be using you. That’s why they don’t seem to care about your concerns. And you should tell them that you think that they don’t care about you so you are leaving them.
I don’t know what you did that made him ‘go off on’ you (or even what that was) but he won’t break up with you until his apt is clean. And you say he seems to listen to you, but YOU are the one walking away from him, right?
I think from his perspective, he trusted you with something deeply personal, and you did not react in a way that acknowledged that.
Honestly the only part about this that really hurt my feelings was when he messaged me saying,
“And now I have no one to blame but myself for expecting you to be different from all the other women I’ve met.”
That’s word for word. Copy and paste.
He’s just not that into you, OP.
Notes; at the beginning of our relationship he wanted to be poly and I insisted I’d only be monogamous.
I hit my knee cleaning his apartment and it’s swollen, he doesn’t seem to care.
He is manipulating you! Leave!
That’s not a committed boyfriend! If he’s sleeping around then you’re not exclusive or respected. Go on your merry way! Why would you devalue yourself to be with someone who is not treating you like you’re worthy! You can do better
This is where guys just don’t know women. It’s a classic that they had episodes on Parks and Rec and Modern Family about.
Guys, when your lady wants to talk about what’s going on in her life. Shut up and listen. Do Not try to fix it for her. Just listen nod and say That Sucks. Don’t interrupt just let her get it out and connect with you. Let her take care of her issues and just listen.
So ladies that’s what guys think. How can I fix the issues that she’s having. How can I help her. Hope that makes sense.
You need to breck up with him, or just ask him if he is ending things
This is no kind of guy you should even want!!
its pretty obvious he doesnt care about your feelings. there are other men who will love you for who you are. this guy doesnt care or just a person who wants to be with other women. just let him go i know it will hurt for awhile but God will heal your heart. He has something better for you. dont drag this out too long with him by staying with him just get this over with!!