I (17F) have been with my Christian boyfriend (19M) for almost 9 months now
The beginning already was really sudden. We met online and met in person a few days after talking [we live 30 mins from eachother] i had only had online relationships so I was super excited and told my parents. When we met we went to get coffee together (I was so excited because of how much of a gentleman he was) getting my door, super sweet and charming. He told me he was a Christian man and that was super important to his life (I didnt grow up religiously) we were inseparable, everything moved really fast. I fell really hard. During the beginning (October-late January) i was being cyber bullied by his ex girlfriend and her friends. It took a deep toll on my self esteem, i was able to confront her and make peace myself. For his birthday I drew his car (early November) I tried pushing to be involved in church so he knew I was serious with my efforts of being with him. and valentines day I made him a love letter as tall as him, made alot of handmade from the heart things.. I noticed his efforts started depleting. I was getting insecure, we fought more and more. Less effort, less spending time together. He always told me that he needs to spend more time at home and that he needs to work more. If his friend (19M) wants to hangout he immediately goes. If I ask its “I cant waste money” .
In April I found out from his ex girlfriend that he lied about being a virgin to me, which the first day we met he told me “I won’t be with you unless youre a virgin” which i was. He made me feel guilty when I didnt have the same povs as him with religion. When I found out it really hurt. She told me all the things they did, how he treated her.. very overly detailed descriptions. I tried holding myself together. I confronted him the next day (which was at church) he fell apart infront of me. When we were able to truly talk about it at my house he wanted me to ask questions. Poking me, I snapped. I cried and yelled. He told me things about myself that have made me feel so insecure and have self hatred. Everytime I told him I was insecure he would go to……. things he thought I wanted.
he informed me that he suspected i had bipolar disorder from how i go from high anger, to full mental breakdowns and then happy. That alone is dont know what to do with that information as I won’t self diagnose. Lately things have gotten to a point we have had the conversation of “what happens if we break up” and how it would go… he asked for some of his belongings today and I just feel like its the end. I want to be with him, truly. I have given him my all. Ive definitely not been perfect. But I dont want it to end.
Comments
i know it hurts so bad rn but you’ve really tried ur best
It certainly sounds like you’ve reached the end but it also sounds like it’s probably for the best.
You’ll be hurting for a while and think you’ll never get over it but you will, life will go on and eventually you’ll meet the one that’s really for you.
You might have to go through this again, maybe a few times before “the one” appears on the scene but it will be worth the wait.
You’re 17 with your whole life ahead of you and plenty of time to find the right guy.
I dont know why you ever talked to his ex. Thats always a big mistake. ignore her and forget everything she said. She could have been lying from you with every word out of her mouth. You dont know her and she isnt relevant to your relationship with him. You are her friendand she isnt yours. That being said, you are very young, both of you. I think you are way to invested in this relationship and should slow things down. Its your first real relationship and it sounds like your being manipulated by this guy and treated poorly. If I were you I would break up with him and move on with my life. I know it sounds terrible and the end of the world. everything that ends does when youre that young. Everything will be ok though.
This is just my opinion. But yeah I think youd be better off leaving this mentally abusive sounding relationship.
Just saying, you getting really angry about him lying about something so vulnerable is very understandable, and him saying he suspects bipolar might be a way to invalidate your feelings. And him making you insecure about yourself is an absolute nono, your partner is supposed to lift you up and reassure you. I think you deserve better
The first red flag was his not confronting his friends and ex for their bullying of you which was 100% his responsibility.
Second, a boyfriend should never say things about you to make you feel insecure in any way
Third him calling you bipolar is a classic narcissist move they make you feel like the crazy one. I bet it’s actually that you start in a good mood and then he does or says something that makes you sad and/or angry then when you react that way to HIS behavior he makes you out to be the bad guy.
Fourth you asking questions was not the issue. HIM HIDING seemingly important stuff is the issue
It may be hard to see right now but trust me that was the beginning of what would’ve been a very toxic and abusive relationship and it’s better to get out now and do not let him guilt you or try to get you back and you don’t try to get him back
You are still young, you have plenty of time for relationships. Focus on being young. Focus on yourself, school, family, and friends. And one day the right person WILL find you.