My boyfriend has always been a very cheery and friendly guy. He’s never been very angry, upset, moody or unfair on anyone but recently his mood has drastically changed.
To give some context, this change started happening around January when he needed to temporarily move into his grandmas house 400 miles away for easier job access (he accidentally put himself into £3.5k debt through a currys finance account and he’s planning on getting a motorbike which is easier to do in his area than mine lol) which has been sorted and he’s due to come back in October.
But I’ve been noticing some changes. He’s been making a lot of “jokes” about crashing his bike or “not making it past 27” which we usually laugh off because that’s our humour, but he’s making these jokes too much if you get what I mean. He’s started being really moody with everyone including me, started hiding his feelings very clearly (he thinks it’s not obvious as men do), and when I ask him about how he’s feeling, he completely brushes it off as if it was an almost offensive thing to even mention. If I ask him if he okay, he will always answer “I’m fine” in a monotone voice 9 out of 10 times.
And if I ask him if he’s sure he’s okay?? God forbid I do because he’s “told me multiple times” that he’s fine and to just take it at face value. He’s not rude or mean to me at all and we still are very much in love, he’s not stopped putting effort into the relationship, but his demeanour and personality seems to have completely sparked out of any light it had. I’m trying to subtly tell him that he doesn’t have to tell me what’s wrong but that I KNOW he’s not okay and that I am here or he just needs to rant or if he needs a helping hand but he almost always ignores me when I say this.
I tell him it’s out of care and that I’m just worried and it’s not possible for me to just ignore it anymore and that he doesn’t have to pretend or lie to himself or me about how he’s feeling. But he insists that he’s “fine” and to just “assume I’m fine unless I say so” all the time. I understand it’s hard to talk about your feelings but it gets to a point where you have to speak up. And I don’t know how to soothe my own worries nevermind help him. And I love him to pieces, I care about him, I’ve been in this kind of place many times before and I know all the signs as someone that’s attempted in the past myself. He’s showing many of them. I’m just so lost on what to do and what to say, I’ve tried to tell him what I’d tell myself but it’s not working and he seems to be getting worse. And I’m scared that one day he’s not going to pick up his phone..
TLDR: my boyfriend is showing signs of suicidal tendencies and thoughts, depression, and is refusing any help or to let me in at all. I’m scared and lost on how I’m meant to tackle this situation without making him worse.