I (20s, F) live abroad as a student. My family is back home – my mom, my younger sister (still in school), and my father.
Recently, I found out my father (50s) was calling a young girl who worked in our family’s business late at night while he was drinking with his friend. The girl is younger than me and felt really uncomfortable, so she told my mom.
That started a huge fight at home. But honestly, this isn’t new. There’s been abuse in my family for as long as I can remember. My father was physically and emotionally abusive toward my mom throughout my childhood. My sister and I have witnessed things no child should ever have to see.
During the recent fight, he chased my mom in anger, and my younger sister had to step in to protect her. In the chaos, he got hurt.(nothing serious)
I want to be honest: as bad as he was to my mom, he was never like that toward my sis and i. He was a decent father to me. I think that’s why this feels so hard. Because now I feel disgusted. Ashamed that he is my father. I don’t feel like I can see him the same way anymore, and that’s messing with my head.
I’m far away and I feel powerless. I don’t know how to protect them. I don’t know what to do with the fact that my dad might be a pedo or at the very least, unsafe around younger women.
Has anyone been through something like this? How do you begin to deal with it – especially when you’re not even there?
I’m angry. Scared. Disgusted. And tired. I want to break this cycle, but I don’t know what the next step is.
Comments
This man is not just a failed father, he’s a danger, and pretending otherwise could cost your family their safety. You may feel powerless from afar but your voice, your support, and your refusal to stay silent can be the beginning of the end of this generational curse.
Abuse / domestic violence, is definitely worth you speaking out , Pedo / sex offender is another that shouldn’t go without mentioning to authorities
Is the girl working for his business a child? Otherwise you can call him a creep oder pervert or whatever but pedo is not fitting
you can truly only fix what’s in your control. I’ve had similar abuse issues with my parent growing up. I’m also around the same age as you. It’s hard to also see your mom go through that but you also have to understand that they unfortunately chose that for themselves. That’s being said, it’s hard for this to be a cycle for YOU to break. That was something really difficult for me to understand at first. because of that, you can only really do so much to help your mom. I know it’s hard to imagine what they are going through without you there though. But don’t beat yourself up over that.
regardless you can prevent yourself from repeating this cycle through you. Look inward and try to unlearn any unhealthy behaviours you might carry from growing up in an unstable household. And create distance from him where you can. Check up on your mom and sister often if you don’t already.
Now that I’m older I’ve realize how important the partner you choose really is. Never ignore the red flags if you don’t want to repeat the same cycle with your own kids one day. I truly wish you all the best!
He’s nasty. It might be good to contact the girls parents
Yeah you definitely used to the word wrong. Your dad definitely is not one of those. He might be an abusive husband, but flirting with a grown woman is not pedofilia, that would be prepubescent children..