i’m not sure if this is the right place to post this but i really need help figuring out how to help one of my best friends.
for context she’s (f17) been my best friend for almost 5 years however we live in different states and don’t see each other often. she has a long history of mental health issues, substance abuse (cocaine, mdma, fentanyl), horrible life traumas, and some medical issues (ex seizures) after she was diagnosed with t1 like 3 years ago. she also has a past of attempts on her life and just so many health issues. she tends to severely downplay all of her issues and doesn’t talk about them until she really really breaks down and is forced to.
I think it was a little over a month ago she sent a pic of her ketone urine test and it was like the darkest red it could be meaning she had very high levels of ketones in her blood. she was really fatigued as well. a month ago she ended up going to the hospital for a bit and receiving fluids as she really wasn’t doing well and lost consciousness and was throwing up a bit. i hadn’t heard from her much after but she assured me she was doing better.
fast forward i’ve been busy and she’s been not texting as much but assuring me it’s fine she’s just dealing with some stuff. i pressed her really hard about it bc i was concerned and she finally said she’s been like so fatigued she can barely move, her whole body is in pain, breathing hurts, she’s vomiting a lot, lightheaded, lost 20% of her body weight, extremely weak to the point she’s been wheeled to the nurses office at school. she’s still going to school because she says it’s a distraction but i think it’s a really bad idea as she said she can’t do any physical activity without intense pain and puking.
i don’t know much about all this DKA stuff but i’ve been researching and trying to learn. i keep telling her i think she should check back with the doctor but she keeps saying that she already went and there’s “nothing else she can do” and it’ll “probably end up getting better” but it’s been a downward spiral for over a month. i asked at what point would she go back to the hospital and she said if she loses consciousness again. she just keeps saying she’s fine, it’s not too bad, she can deal with it, and there’s nothing she can really do which i just don’t believe. i don’t want her sitting around and waiting for it to get worse before doing anything now.
i feel awful and like im not doing enough but i just keep urging her to advocate for herself, stop feeling bad for asking for help, to check in with her doctor, to please be honest with how bad her symptoms are. i don’t want to scare her but i’ve been googling a lot and seeing that this stuff is super severe and should be taken care of asap. i hate that im not there with her and i am so worried because i know how much she pretends everything is ok even when it’s really not. i’m scared she won’t do enough to take care of herself. she says her mom knows how severe it is but again there’s “nothing to do” but there has to be something right? she got fluids and stuff while in the hospital but that was a month ago and things are only getting worse. im sure she’s downplaying the severity of it to her mom as well and i know her mom struggles financially so idk if thats part of it bc she’s worried about hospital bills.
what should her next steps be and how do i help her? i don’t want her to be angry with me for being so persistent but i don’t want to lose my best friend. there’s so many things she lies and says she’s ok about and then i find out only later how insanely severe they were. i love her to death and im just terrified she won’t do what it takes to get herself the help she needs. she’s been saying for some time that it’s becoming more and more clear her body just isn’t functioning right from all of this coupled with the past intense drug usage and it just terrifies me.
any advice would be super appreciated including other subreddits to post on thank you all and i hope you’re all doing well 🫶
Comments
Try to keep pushing her hard to get immediate medical help, even if it means involving trusted adults or professionals, because her life depends on action, not silence.
Keep pushing her to take care of herself.
My old college roommate was like this, until after he went into a diabetic coma and I had to physically carry him to my car and rush to the hospital.
An angry friend is better than a dead friend.
The only thing you can really do is call emergency services, tell them her address, and see where things go. Now I can’t tell you if you should do that, only you can. But apart from that, someone who doesn’t wanna be helped can’t be helped. Thus, you’d have to be intrusive. Otherwise, just try and push her to get help, the same way you insist that your mom get you some kind of toy (less annoying though lmao).
Weigh the pros and cons and see what’s best.
She’s a minor, call CPS
Honestly she’s 17, call child protective services and let them know what’s going on. Also call EMS and let them know your friend is showing signs ok DKA and you are concerned she is going in and out of consciousness, send EMS to her house ASAP and hopefully CPS will follow up frequently as well
DKA is serious, she needs docs ASAP. Keep pushing, hit up family or a nurse, but don’t handle this solo!!!
Where are her parents in all this?