Basically both of my biological parents died and I am adopted, and I have told my friends about this. A few months ago a person in common lost his parents, everyone in the group was talking about it as it was shocking but that didn’t bothered me as I was shocked too, but then even though months had passed my friends started making more personal hypothetical questions and comments like “Imagine if that happened to you”, “What would you do?”, “How long would you grief?”, “How does it feel?”, “Would you go to school or work that month?” I know it is common to think about what would I do if I was in a certain situation, but asking each person about it seems weird, especially to someone who has been in that situation and was not a hypothetical scenario for them, but the question is around a hypothetical scenario.
This is getting really awkward for me, I don’t like to talk about my parent’s death, I just tell them the necessary to explain something or to let them know before they learn it from somewhere else. I want it to stop but it would make things uncomfortable and I don’t want to make it a taboo, I just want to stop the weird questions and the weird tone while talking about it.
Comments
You’re not wrong for feeling uncomfortable, those “what if” questions hit differently when you’ve lived the reality. It’s not that you’re fragile, it’s that some pain deserves more respect than curiosity. You shouldn’t have to keep reliving your loss just to satisfy a hypothetical.
I must be petty, because if someone was asking me “what would you do if this happened to you?” I’d be replying, “sorry, do you mean what did I do?”
Yeah I think they’ve forgotten. I don’t think it’s malicious on their part but I think it’s worth saying something because your story matters too and this is uncomfortable af
They have either forgotten, or they’re asking you because you have experience but don’t want to come out and say that.