My (35 F) husband (36 M) works a standard 9-5, I am a SAHM to our children. I work part time.
Throughout the week we interact platonically? Normally? Routinely? (when he gets ready to leave for work, when I go to my work, downtime in the late evenings). Occasionally will watch something together but he’d rather hangout with his friends. I don’t partake in any of his friend relationships as these are not child friendly hangout/events so I always stay home (no sitters or family around). We’ve been together for a long, long time and I barely know his friends.
But anytime the weekend or holidays roll around, he’s snippy, annoyed, and outright rude to me and the kids. He complains about doing anything that isn’t a direct benefit to him (taking the dogs out, maintaining the yard, loading dishes), and usually refuses to do stuff with the kids when they want to play/hangout. He acts like we’re all just exhausting him but will break his back to help any of his friends or family at a moment notice. He tells me off and will make fun of me and my family to his family/friends in my face. Yes, there are family on both side we’ve definitely complained about, but I would never mention what I thought was our private married people conversations.
He likes to tell people in a “don’t bother, she doesn’t have any knowledge” tone about how I don’t have interest in cars, politics, drinking, whatever. Everyone sees me as the Debbie downer, the standoffish introvert who’s no fun. He is very outgoing (as are his and my family) and they all love him, and sort of just briefly acknowledge my existence. I don’t have any friends anymore, because he insulted and mocked the closest friends I had (to me, not them). Even when I defended them he continues to mention and belittle them behind their back and it feels wrong to stay friends with them while he says nasty shit about them to me and my kids, so I’ve definitely drifted away.
After all of this, I have no money to my name, just lots and lots of debt due to being the primary payer of everything for years (and burning through decades of my savings) while he figured his jobs out, shitty job qualifications, no degree or certifications, no friends or family support. I would have left a long time ago but I can’t see any fathomable future in my situation alone or how to change my situation. He is the breadwinner and pays all the bills now, my kids are being well educated and have their needs and many wants met. We are able to plan vacations, spend on wants pretty regularly. Technically we are considered low income for our area, but still do just great as we don’t lavishly spend on anything.
I guess this is more of a vent. I seem to have closed any paths to changing my life at this point. It just really sucks to feel like the only adult/friend/partner you’ve had in your life for decades just really really dislikes you and the family you’ve created. Looking for solidarity?!
TL;DR my husband doesn’t like me, anyone else going through marriage alone??
Comments
Why do you want to be with him (forget the finances for a second). What is it about this marriage that makes you stay?
I am really sad for you. You deserve better. You’re already a single mom. Would it really be harder if you left him? I bet not
This is sad for you. Would this be the life you’d want for either of your children, when they get married and have partners? Pick your chin up and give yourself some respect. Work on your circumstances. Don’t allow yourself to be walked on, isolated, disrespected. Think of what you’re teaching your children.
Your husband hates you and your children. Your children do not deserve to be treated like shit by their father. Do better for them and leave
Oh girl. Let’s not even talk about love He doesn’t even like you.
You said he pays all the bills but you have debt- sounds like your debt is from household/life things? Why isn’t that getting paid by him too? Is he aware of it