Does anyone ever get the feeling that your loved one is near death?
My mom(42f) has been through a lot. 8-9 years of pure trauma and hell from a man that has done horrible things to her and I. Life hasn’t been the kindest to me, but I don’t plan on leaving this earth anytime soon. I have my little brother(8m) and plus I want to experience life.
My mom is in debt (I won’t say how much but it’s definitely in the deep thousands.), she’s dealing with horrible shit at work, we are not in the greatest living space (In her opinion.), we don’t have much money neither, and she’s not caring about stuff she use to anymore.
It hurts me to my fucking core. I’m crying right now just typing this. There has been so many mothers dead and I don’t want mine to leave even though she wants to. Usually when she’s feeling down, I could talk her out of it, but this time feels completely different.
I’m 19 years old. I don’t have a job because she wants me to focus on college but I just can’t sit back and watch this anymore. This feeling just won’t go away and it’s eating at me. I’m starting to lose hope in God and my life isn’t doing so great with that in my mind. I was JUST getting over my depression but this just brings me back down to it.
I can tell, she genuinely doesn’t care to live anymore. I could understand, I’ve been there, it hurts, but why leave me? My heart can’t take that, it truly can’t. I love her, we’ve been through too much.
I just need some advice. I’m praying to God someone at least has something that could help me because I know my mom is at her lowest and I truly don’t want to lose her. Please, please, please, just out of the kindness of your heart, please can I have some advice. God bless all of you.
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You need to talk to your mom and let her see how upset you are. Also call a suicide hotline
At this point, you and your mom need to go for counselling. Counselling on your own. And work things out.
In the meantime, having some sort of a routine helps with depression. And I’m saying that from experience.
Is there a church or a doctor or a friend you can talk to?
Tell your mom how much you appreciate her. That you want to help bc you are a part of the family and want to participate in family needs. Let her talk to you about it and you talk to her. If she is down, that can really help her. Also, getting a job can improve things. You can compromise and tell her you want a full time job, but plan to do school part time for a year so things can be a little easier. Part time is still going to school. Help her with your brother. You sound like a great sibling and allowing your mom some time to focus on herself or doing something that can take her mind off her issues can be a big help. You and your brother tackle some of the daily tasks at home if you don’t currently. All of these things can make a HUGE difference for a mom who feels like they are struggling.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’ve been in a similar situation and it’s scary. I would talk to her. And if you’re up for it, put it into action.
Mom, I know you want me to focus on college, but if you weren’t here, I wouldn’t be able to focus, I would be too devastated.
So since you are here, why don’t we work as a team? I’ve been looking for jobs and before you say anything, I promise I will finish school once we get past this.
You’ve been through a lot and I know you know I’ve been right there with you. I’m an adult now and my adult decision is that we’re a team and where you go, I go and you can’t go yet.
The place we have isn’t the best but it’s ours right now. There is a lot to feel sad about but we are blessed in a lot of ways and 1 blessing is that I am capable of helping financially.
Mom, will you pray with me? God, don’t turn your face from us, we need your help. We’re asking for your mercy, guidance, and to bless us with opportunities and the strength we need to overcome this.
Cry with your mom. Let her accept your help and then pour each of you a big glass of water.
If you can work to make some extra money, do it.
If you truly can’t, come back and we’ll think of something else.
You’re gonna be okay.
If you are in the US, please call the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988. They will walk you through what you need to do. I’m so sorry, friend.
Please call the suicide hotline immediately. I’ve lost a sister to suicide and I know that fear and helplessness. Do you have any family members and or friends if your mothers that can intervene and help? Please don’t hesitate to DM me anytime. I have been there. Also… a lot of these things with her job and finances can be fixed. There is so much help out there but she’s very depressed and needs encouragement. Please stay on top of it. Do not put off calling the hotline. They will help you so much.
be strong
We were the same age when life started kicking the shit out of us. I still remember seeing my mom shut herself in her room, completely weighed down by the stress of our financial situation. There was no talk of “mental health” back then, no social media to explain what depression or burnout looked like. I didn’t have the vocabulary to understand it.
What I did understand was that she was hurting.
So I tried to help in the only way I knew, by contributing money, even if it was just small amounts from whatever I could earn or save. I thought maybe if I helped lighten the financial load, she’d be less angry, less distant.
But over time, that sense of helplessness crept in.
I just wanted to grow up, escape, build a new life far from that struggle.
And now, being at the same age my mom was back then, I see it differently.
She didn’t need me to fix everything.
She needed someone to hold her and say, “It’s okay. We’ll get through this.”
If I could go back, I think I would’ve just sat beside her in that silence and reminded her she wasn’t alone.
Sorry you’re going through all of this. Honestly about the debt, I would read Total Money make over by Dave Ramsey. Also listen to his radio show. A lot of times you realize other people are going through the same stuff or worse. Reading the book or at least listening to his radio show can help you and your mom.
I’m so sorry that you’ve had to adult those around you.
Education is hopefully a life long pursuit; but food and shelter is on a far higher level of need.
I’m sure your mom wants better for herself but even if she is in hundreds of thousands of debt, that’s okay. You need to give her a pep talk and or call suicide prevention. Remind her you need her and when you’re done with school you’ll both build great wealth together.
I’m around your mom’s age I am in debt, I have a baby and there’s a lot to live for. Yes life is hard we don’t have a lot but life can be amazing, it’s about mindset and the village you build for yourself
Look, if you believe she might harm herself, then your priority must be to mitigate that short-term risk, as others here have advised. It’s important to show her love and support.
That said, I’d like to share some personal insight from my own experience. I’m in my 40s now and have spent time in therapy dealing with similar issues. It took me time to understand and accept what i am going to tell you.
My mother has always had a difficult life. It was a mix of bad luck, toxic relationships, and, frankly, many self-inflicted problems. She often lived beyond her means, getting into debt for a lifestyle she couldn’t afford, and alcohol also played a role. I’ve always loved her deeply and spent years wishing she could find happiness.
Once I started working, I tried to help both emotionally and financially. But nothing ever truly “fixed” her because that wasn’t something I could do.
My advice to you is this: draw a clear boundary between your life and hers. You are not responsible for what happens to her. You can be supportive, yes, but don’t let her struggles consume your own life. Help her, do your best. But dont let this consume your life.
You’re young, and you have a future to build. I believe, deep down, that’s what your mother would want for you too. Children are not responsible for fixing their parents. It may seems crazy to say right now for you, but keep this in mind for the long-term: it is not your fault.