To start this off I 25 F have had my suspicions for a while, approximately the last 6-8 months, but didn’t have any proof. I still don’t have anything 100% rock solid, but I need some opinions on what to do. I am an only child and don’t really have anyone to turn to or talk to about this and it’s killing me inside.
And because I’m sure someone will say something about it, yes, I’m 25 and still living with my parents. I started my own business that was ran out of our home before I was 21 so it was easier to just live there.
Let’s start this off with my mother 53 F and my father 57 M have been married for close to forty years. During this last year I started to notice some strange things going on with my mother.
I’ll list them in order they happened.
She slowly started the house go to shambles. (She’s a stay at home mom)
Started taking extra long grocery shopping trips 3-5 hours long. Not telling anyone where she would be going. She would also turn off her phone or not answer it during these times. She would say she needed time to think. (By the way, completely under stand this)
at this point I didn’t think anything was going on until the next few things started to happen
Started getting texts. (My mom doesn’t text unless she has to)
She gets a pair of earphones, the kind that go in your ear, then starts talking to someone referring to them as “her friend” at odd hours of the night, and only when my dad wasn’t home, or was sleeping. (My mother hates anything in her ears)
Let it be known I know basically all of her friends. Maybe not personally, but at least a name. It’s extremely strange for her to not give out a name.
We have a northern lights episode happen over our house, and she gets a set of photos from “her friend” that she lets slip is a (he).
Texts and phone calls have been ramping up. Texts from the moment she wakes up to 3-4 am, and calls that last for hours, and usually end a few minutes after I get home.
These last few are with in the last two weeks
I saw where his name in her phone is not an actual name, but more like an anagram for something.
Noticed recently that she had been on a website that anytime the floorboard would squeak she would change it to a different screen.
I saw one of their texts and it was definitely not something you would send to a “friend”.
Finally found the website and it is not just a regular chat site unfortunately. They also use code names like the one I saw on my mom’s phone screen.
I’m sorry this has gone on for a while, but I need to know that I am not going crazy and what to do. I’ve never been around this, and am completely blindsided and lost. Any advice and or suggestions would be appreciated. Please, if you’re going to be mean, don’t.
Thank you in advance.
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Your mother is entitled to her privacy. Even if she is making a mistake. Your parents marriage is not your business. Do have a discussion with them around internet safety and catfishing.
If it were me, i would refuse to get involved. You can tell your mother she’s recently been distant, but she’s a grown adult who knows the consequences. It might be acceptable in their marriage, it might be innocent…as bad as it looks, you aren’t a part of that marriage (even though you are part of the fallout).
Also, don’t let people give you crap about being 25 and still at home… that’s very normal in today’s financial state.
People are complicated. We do stupid things for stupid reasons. It doesn’t mean we are 100% awful but i agree it’s not fair this should be in your shoulders to worry about
Your mom is 53 and has been married for almost 40yrs. Is that accurate? Was she a child when she got married?
Stay out of your parents love life, and hope they stay out of yours. There’s a lot of potential answers to your questions and I am sure you don’t want any of them.
You do nothing. It is not your business.
It’s not really any of your business. You may live at home, which isn’t a big deal imo, but you’re all adults. She can make her own choices, even if they’re not good ones. Please don’t insinuate yourself into your parents’ marriage.
It’s hard when things we took for granted change. Even harder when it’s happening in the closest family. I understand that you feel lost and scared, as the outcome of this situation is not yet known.
The problem is that you don’t have much to do here. You are a grown-up person, and more so are your parents. You wouldn’t feel good if they tried to meddle in your emotional life, would you? Even if you know they love you and need you, this would be a massive privacy breach. The same applies to your current situation.
It’s quite understandable. Your mom lived her life to bring you up and make home for your dad. She married very young and probably didn’t try anything else in her life. She can change it and is entitled to make her own decisions about the future. Will it be good for her? You can not know, but also you can’t stop her from making these decisions. You can decide to stand by her or not, according to your own mind. That’s all.
What’s important, even if this situation makes you feel bad, I don’t think you should discuss it with her. Spend time together, try to get some memories, and maybe renew your relationship as a grown-up with another grown-up person. But please, don’t pour your insecurities into her. She deserves her own life, as much as any other person.
In the meantime, focus on yourself. If changes are something that makes you anxious, maybe you should look at yourself. Are you developing or just standing in comfortable point? Maybe it’s time to move on. Middle twenties may be the perfect time to discover new directions and purposes.
I hope you’ll manage to find a new balance in your life.
Depending on your relationship with her, you can either ignore it because it really isn’t about you or talk to her on the side. Away from your Dad and then ignore it because its not about you.