I (18F) am the oldest of my parents’ 3 kids (2 brothers ages 17 and 14). My parents separated in 2023 and finalized their divorce this year May 2025 (with allegations of infidelity on both sides, which is probably why it took so long).
In March 2024, my mom (39F) starts seeing this guy who she met on tinder, let’s call him Joe. Joe is a slightly older divorcee with 2 kids a little younger than my youngest brother. My mom started going out all the time, like several nights a week, getting home late at night. I started seeing her less and less due to my school and sports obligations. I never even met the guy until February 2025, and my brothers only met him a few weeks ago at a very awkward dinner.
Then around that time, I started noticing some differences in my mom. She started wearing dresses around the house where before she only wore workout clothes. Then, one day when she wore a tight-fitting shirt, I noticed she had gained a lot of weight. Her stomach looked rounder and her chest looked a little bigger. I started to think – is she pregnant? I brought this up to my middle brother and he said he’d noticed it too, and that she’d also stopped drinking coffee in the mornings. My mom has also always been super skinny. As long as I can remember, she has never been this big before, even when my siblings and I were very young. She also started pressuring us to get ready to move and sell the house (something she’s talked about on and off since the divorce began but very suddenly became more interested in).
I want to ask her if she’s pregnant, but our relationship is already kind of rocky. Long story short, I almost moved in with my dad a couple weeks ago, and she got so upset that I actually moved back in with her out of concern for her mental health.
I go to college this fall, should I just bite the bullet and ask her? Is there any way for me to tell? Im pretty sure she stops getting alimony from my dad if she is pregnant, but she would never abort – she had me out of wedlock at 19 and tells me all the time she would’ve never gotten rid of me. However, if she stops getting alimony, she will be in a bad financial state, because she’s a high school teacher and has to support 3 kids and pay a mortgage.
I also don’t even know if she’s mentally fit to have a child – she has a really bad temper and screams and yells at us constantly over the smallest things.
Should I tell my mom to have this kid if she is pregnant? How am I gonna have a sibling 19 years younger than me? Any advice on how to deal with this will be helpful. Next week my youngest brother and I are going to go on a vacation with Joe and his kids and my mom, so I don’t want to ask her in front of them. But I also just want to know.
I think my mom is pregnant less than 2 months after finalizing her divorce with my dad. What do I do?
r/Advice
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TLDR: i think my mom is pregnant, is there any way to tell
It could be possible that she is stressed out and has been eating her feelings. That’s understandable right? Have you seen her binge eating anything? Perhaps a tub of ice cream or a cake?
Anywho, this whole thing is not your business and it would be best for you to just stay out of it. Don’t even ask.
It sounds like you are not very happy here and good things are not coming your way so maybe you want to do what you can to start to focus on getting out of there. Like making sure you have good grades so you can graduate with your diploma and get a job and move out.
I say this with all the care in the world but your Mom’s pregnancy (or no pregnancy) is not for you to worry about right now. Her finances, her personal choices, and even her mental health are not burdens that should be carried by you. Of course you are worried! But if your mom has chosen these things for herself that is for her to figure out.
If it were me- I would ask her. Tell her what you’re noticing and how it makes you feel. I was the oldest child and as soon as I was able to get out of my parents chaotic home, I did. I think the best thing for you right now is to focus on your future. Your mom may always operate with some degree of personal mess- and you don’t have to let the worry over her choices consume you. Have you ever talked to her about going to Therapy (for you)? It’s a great way to learn the tools you need in life to cope with literally anything. I highly recommend it as it taught me how to focus on myself, what I can control, and how to create harmony in my life.
I hope this helps you. Remember you’re going away to college soon and you deserve the bright future that awaits you. Work hard and Good Luck!
Mind your own business.
The divorce is not your business.
Focus on your goals and living with other students to enjoy independent life away from your parents’ drama.
Finish school and get your degree on time. It’s the biggest gift you can give yourself.
Girl,
That’s neither your monkey nor your circus. You are the child, she is the mom. Don’t mix that up.
And don’t let her mix that up for you. 😉
It’s so good that you’re concerned about your mom, however if she’s pregnant she will tell you when she’s ready. There can be many components of this situation/her new relationship of which you have no knowledge. And your mom has a right to share when it’s best for her. You’re going to college in the fall, you should focus mostly on your future and allow her to share when she’s ready. Her finances/alimony etc. will be known to her, it’s part of her divorce process, she’s likely to still receive child support if you’re concerned about your college expenses. You’re not responsible for either of your parents, their divorce or new relationships and the best thing you can do is study hard at college and make a future for yourself! All the best!
You said you see the signs that she’s pregnant. So she probably is. When it comes to age gap that might actually be best for the kid. It sounds like your mom isnt the most stable person so having another adult to give stability will be very important for the kid. I would definitely confront your mother about it but do it in private. Talk to your siblings before and after the talk so you can be the representative of all the kids. After the talk consult them on what they think and go from there. Id be really weired out about the “boyfriend” situation. They are moving pretty fast without bringing in the rest of the family. It seems she’s trying to move on and taking you guys with them using a tow-line. You see it all the time after a divorce, kids from the previous relationship get push to the side. You can either be proactive about where your position in the family is or let things play out, its up to what you and your siblings decide. I wish you luck and dont be afraid to walk away. Its your life you have a right to have an opinion and a say
i would say focus on you and college. If your brothers come to you with questions just try to be there for them. If your mom is pregnant she will have to deal with that. the alimony it all depends on what is in the divorce decree. As far as i know your dad will pay unless it is specific in the decree. He wont be responsible for child support for that child. That will fall on the other guy. Your mom made her choice so this is her decision. Is a learning tool for yourself and your brothers. I wish you all the best in school and achieving your dreams.
Do nothing. If she is pregnant, she can’t hide it forever and you’ll find out when she is ready to admit it.
Focus on your own future and let your mom figure out her own.
Move in with your dad and continue with life’s new adventures. Your mom made her own decisions. She is likely pregnant and needs you around to help out. Don’t take on this burden. She and her bf will figure it out.