I just had the realisation that because of my heavy social media usage over the past decade, it might have influenced the way I view potential relationships and other people.
I know I am completely addicted with screen times up to 10 hours a day when I‘m not working. Obviously my brain is fried, it is so used to the little dopamine rushes of reels and tiktok’s that I feel like it has a massive effect on my real life relationships by now.
I had a „situationship“ thing going on last year over several month and he started to be madly in love and was planning the future together but I just couldn’t commit because I thought: „is this it? It would just be us now for the rest of our lives?“ I feel like those thoughts came because my brain is so used to new things, not staying consistent and having a horrible attention span. I also compared him a lot to potential other partners in my head thinking maybe I would be better of with a person like this or who is more like this..
The thing is, I‘m pretty sure that is bullshit and at this point I would find something to criticise in every single potential partner I would find. I also didn’t have a relationship in 11 years since I was 18 so it also doesn’t help that I am so used to being by myself by now.
But apart from relationships I also struggle to commit to anything in my life in general, from jobs, to apartments, to hobbies… the only thing that I have going for me a great friends but also just because they are not high maintenance and we can stay friends even if we are not in contact all the time or see each other.
So all of this just got me thinking, isn’t that behaviour kinda equal to porn addiction when people are not able to enjoy real life sex anymore because their brain is so damaged from the high dopamine they can access at all times…
I don’t even know what I‘m expecting from this post. I‘m currently looking for a therapist but maybe someone can relate or wants to share their thoughts to my situation..
Comments
Thank you for making a connection I’d never thought about before, and yes I think it’s an appropriate comparison.
But I’d argue your case is much, much worse. A porn addiction in theory only destroys a person’s sex life, which is just one aspect of life. You have admitted that your social media addiction has compromised your hobbies, your housing, even work. 10 hours a day is extreme and hopefully you can get professional help ASAP.
It would really bring us so much relief to hear that you’re improving and claiming your life back.
I think cell phone (and other screen) addiction contributes significantly to a lot of dead bedrooms. A friend recently said to her long term boyfriend that she thinks the reason she and her boyfriend barely have sex is that he never has a moment of boredom. Like how can he even remember to think about sex when his brain is occupied by one or two screens at all times?
I’ll tell you my experience with this. I’m a Redditor, but it isn’t my be all and end all; it fills time between activities but doesn’t come close to consuming me. My partner though, he often becomes deeply entangled in social media – primarily Twitter.
Many many years ago he started to become a dick and I traced it to his Twitter usage. He’d tell me story after story of him pwning all kinds of donkeys on the app but his oneupmanship bled into his real life interactions and I finally called him on it and he was shocked. He worked hard for months to reign in his verbal cruelty and he managed it.
Last month I was away for work for a week and when I returned – having been so busy I hadn’t opened a social media the entire time – he was so angry. He was angry about what the neighbours were doing, angry about the local government messing up our alleyway while they were doing construction, angry with the neighbourhood kids who were really doing nothing but being kids while walking past our house from school. I sat him down again and asked him to really think about what he was mad about. He’s been struggling with this ever since but is working hard. I used to find him on socials all the time, but now he’s playing video games and practicing skateboarding and I’m really proud of him.
It’s so hard to break away from the dopamine of social media – I’ve never had it as I don’t partake – but I’ve seen it from the outside and it’s so hard to watch.
I have no concrete suggestions for you beyond saying that you seem to be on the first step of recovery (if that’s what you’re after). Having an outside perspective to help you get out of this trap would be great, but don’t rely on that. Fill your time with other things you like – I know you say you have a hard time committing to them but… try. It’ll be hard – maybe almost impossible at the beginning, but you’ll fill that space with something else and be a better person for it.