Okay, yes I’m aware I’m going to sound arrogant and like a narcissist, get over it. My wife and I have known each other in total 20ish years, we have dated for 9, married for 5. She has known her best friend (D) since end of high-school/early college. They are like sisters.
D has horrible luck with guys, abusive relationships, toxic relationships, she’s had it all and some. I know this because she vents about it to my wife and me all the time. Recently she just got through a particular rough relationship, which she decided she was no longer going to date and just be single for a while. She began making comments to my wife about how lucky she is that she has me and it must make her feel so good to have a supporting , caring, loving man in her life too take care of her. This is when her changed behavior began.
She has been very clingy to me (she never was before) when she comes over (head on my shoulder, sitting on my lap) she tells me all the time that i make her feel safe and comfortable, she always asks how my day is going and if I’m happy to see her, or how i think her body looks in her outfit, (which she kinda did before but now she draws attention to her feminine area’s.) a joke was made (by my wife) about D being my second wife to do all the stuff my wife doesn’t feel like doing. D jumped onto this and now refers too often enough as” second wife”, my wife thinks it’s funny and it was until D sent me a picture of a ring she wanted “because even your second wife needs a ring”.
I have brought all this up to my wife because I don’t want to keep her in the dark about anything. And she just says things like “ehh that’s just her” or “she doesn’t mean anything by it”. My fear is that D is getting what she’s never gotten from any of her past relationships (comfort? validation? Safety? ) and that she will become attached to this sort of fantasy. I don’t want my wife too think I’m doing anything behind her back. But as I have stated she just brushes it all off.
Am I just being too “observant” or is there something there my wife isn’t seeing? Thought’s?
Comments
You’re not imagining it, she’s crossing a line and your wife brushing it off isn’t helping. Set a clear boundary now before it gets worse or blows up your marriage.
D’s actions suggest feelings.. be honest with your wife, set boundaries with D, and protect your marriage
You’re not imagining it her behavior is crossing boundaries. Keep being honest with your wife, but also set clear limits with D. This is about protecting your marriage, not ego.
It doesn’t matter what’s really going on or not, it sounds like you’re not comfortable with the joke so you should ask your wife to get the joke to stop. Once you set a boundary like that, D might lash out and reveal the issue or cool off with the whole thing.
Updateme
I’d have sex with the friend. Then go to my wife and say “See. I fucking told you.”
Totally worth it.
Dude boundaries. Both of yall need boundaries. You about to get divorced and you are going to get blamed for it all
About 15 years ago I took a course on body language. To this day, I still brush up on the topic with youtube videos and what not, just because I find it interesting. Where im going with this is relevant….
When you get a certain feeling from someone, but when you try to EXPLAIN what caused it later on and people don’t totally get it, that happens because they did not witness that persons body language during the encounter. Body language changes everything. Most humans aren’t even aware they use it, or that the more primitive, primate part of their brain recognizes it, but its there.
So what im telling you is, if your gut is telling you she’s flirting, she probably is. A comment can be completely harmless, or an invitation for physical intimacy, depending on how the person speaking moves and positions themselves.
I currently have a somewhat awkward situation with a ex gf and her husband who i unfortunately have to deal with from time to time. My policy these last 4 years has been to keep my distance and never let myself be alone with her. I stay away, and when I can’t, I always keep another person there with me.
Good luck
It’s time to have a sit down with your wife and be straight-up honest with your concerns.
Also have a talk with the friend or all 3 of you talk openly.
Any chance your wife wants you to comfort her until she finds a new boyfriend?
I stopped at “sitting on my lap.”
What?
Either your wife wants a threesome or your marriage is dysfunctional.
Some spouses rope off their partner and some give them rope. Sounds like you have to handle this yourself. Be a man and talk to the friend. Set boundaries. Any husband should be comfortable doing so.
Talk with your wife again, tell her you are not comfortable with the whole situation and that you feel it might get out of hand too far. You are right and it looks like she is developing feelings.
Updateme
Your wife is being extremely ignorant here. She is forcing herself not to see it to protect her self-image and her friendship. Shut that shit down. Stop being so nice to the friend and be very direct
Stay away from the best friend as much as you can. Make it very clear to your wife you don’t feel trusting around this woman. And keep that boundary even if she doesn’t believe you yet. How inappropriate she is, wow, and so disrespectful to your wife. I bet she’d try to take advantage of the fact that your wife is so “trusting” of her. But thankfully you’re aware and PLEASE do not entertain this nonsense.
‘too do all the stuff your wife doesnt like doing’? Like what?
Have sex with her or get a blowjob
Wow! Your wife is obviously not a Reddit reader.
This is not going to end well. You’re going to get the blame, either way.
Updateme
A threesome should fix things up.
Tell D no matter how bad she wants D, it can’t be your D because wife one owns that D with D ring finger. I had to add the last D ok?!?
D wouldn’t be my friend anymore if she were sitting in my husband’s lap, especially if he said he was uncomfortable with it. Her behavior is really gross, and your wife isn’t helping by not just not taking your side, but it sounds like she’s actively feeding it
Start saying D is like your sister so you of course couldn’t marry your sister. Make it blindingly obvious that you don’t find her sexually attractive but also not ugly. Maybe give her a sisterly nickname. The key is to get her to back off without making her your enemy.
Wait! Your wife is okay with this level of touchy and thinks it’s ok?
Sounds like a tricky situation because you don’t want things to get messed up between your wife and her best friend of it’s really nothing. I would say that if she is doing these things in front of your wife then it might not be as bad as you think. She sounds like a very clingy dependent girl anyway. Just be on the alert for extra long eye contact or subtle ways that she might try and alienate you from your wife. Oh and try not to ever be alone with her.
What matters most is how you feel about it. Other people have different degrees of what’s right or wrong. This isn’t about how she acts or how your wife responds. Its absolutely about how it makes you feel. And you and your wife need to have eachothers backs. No matter what. Tell her. “If something made you uncomfortable, I (as in you) would do anything and everything to stop it” marriage isn’t just about how comfortable someone makes you feel its also about how much they are willing to protect your mind body and soul.
Bro just relax and go with the flow. You get extra cuddles and attention and your wife is fine. Just be in the moment and it will be fine. What’s the absolute worst that could happen? She shoots her shot you turn her down and you get to tell the wife I told you so. But that hasn’t happened yet. Is it worth blowing up your own spot to cockblock future you? Just enjoy the peace and the extra cuddles. Maybe your wife secretly likes watching you snuggle? Who fuckin knows, just go with the flow.