When I first met my husband’s family, I told myself I’d be the easygoing one. The one who doesn’t “cause drama.” I laughed off weird comments, let passive-aggressive remarks slide, and stayed silent when boundaries were crossed. I thought if I just smiled through it all, things would settle. But all I did was train everyone to believe I’d always tolerate it.
His mom isn’t evil. She’s not some villain in this story. But she’s overbearing, and she’s never really accepted that he has his own life now — with me. She still shows up unannounced. She still gives him advice on things we’ve already decided on. She still acts like I’m borrowing her son.
And he lets her.
That’s the part that hurts the most. I didn’t expect him to choose between us — that’s toxic. But I did expect him to notice when I was uncomfortable. To step in when I was being dismissed. To back me when I tried to quietly protect my peace.
Instead, I was told to “not make things a big deal.” So I didn’t. For years.
But here’s the truth: swallowing your hurt doesn’t make you strong. It just makes you tired. And I’m tired. Of being the buffer. Of being the one who bends. Of pretending I’m okay when I’m not.
This isn’t about hate or blame. I love my husband — I married him for a reason. But love doesn’t fix everything when respect and understanding are missing. I’m learning that now. Slowly. Painfully.
I haven’t made any big decisions yet. I don’t want to act out of anger. But I also can’t keep pretending I’m okay with being second place in my own marriage. I owe myself more than that.
So this is me, finally admitting it: I’ve been putting myself last for a long time… and I’m not going to do that anymore.
Comments
Stay strong and tell your husband everything you just told us here. Update us.
You didn’t marry his mom, but somehow she got joint custody. Glad you’re finally choosing you. You deserve peace, not permission.
You weren’t trying to be the cool daughter-in-law—you were just hoping respect would come quietly. It didn’t. Now it’s time to speak loud enough for your peace to hear it.
I recently went through a similar Renaissance brought on by almost dying of cancer at 30. Just wanted to let you know, don’t feel like you’ve made your bed and now you must lie in it. You’re allowed to decide here and now that you want to be a different person and not take people’s shit anymore. It’s their job to navigate the new you, and if they can’t handle it, fuck em.
Squeaky wheels get grease or they get replaced. Either way youll know where you stand.
This is so powerful. Realizing your worth and standing up for your peace is never easy, but it’s necessary. You deserve to be heard and respected in your relationship. Don’t apologize for putting yourself first. 💪
It’s so easy to forget to put yourself first when you’re always trying to keep the peace. But you’re right—your needs and boundaries matter just as much as anyone else’s. It’s brave to admit when you’re tired and ready for a change. Wishing you strength and peace moving forward! 🌱
Totally right. When you lose respect for someone you love , you have to revaluate where you are , and where you want to be. You need to sit and talk to hubby. Tell him, give him a chance to fix it. ( only one tho) good luck.
This happened to me. Everytime my mother in law did something I didn’t like, my husband and sister in law would just tell me to “let her do what she wants.” I kept complaining to my husband as I thought he would be able to handle the situation without me causing a bigger issue and nothing was ever solved.
One day, I blew up at her and for 2 years, our relationship was never the same. My husband knew I hated her and I was seething everytime I saw her. Her behavior continued, although it was no longer directly towards me. Last year, I purposely caused a fight with her and went no contact with her. Best decision I did that year.
Now my husband has to deal with the two of us separately and I no longer see my sister in law as much as I used to.
A piece of advice here: If you have a problem, deal with it on the spot. It will be good for everyone in the long run. Or you can be like me and go no contact. Which, for me, is good too.
r/justnomil
This is a common issue with men for some reason. This sub is the best place for advice and support. But also you have a husband problem just as much. Anyone who allows you to be treated like that is as much a part of the issue.
r/justnoso
Good luck.
This is chat GPT again isn’t it.
Edit: Yep, OP has already been called out over fake posts
Chat GPT 1000%.
once i heard about the — thing i can’t unsee it. bots please LEAVE you make this sub so boring.
Is this the same sweet husband who let you know that being at home with the kids was more tiring than leg day, but three days prior had “destroyed your family and ruined everything?”
Damn, now that I have learned about how to detect AI slop, this reads like AI slop.